Do you think this is being irresponsible?

My boyfriend has 4 kids, I don't have any. He gets them 4 days out of the month. My question is this, he drinks and gets drunk when he gets them for weekends! His behavior has caused me to question if I want to tolerate this in my life and relationship. I'm not one to tell people what to do and let people make their own choices, I put us on a 2 day space just for me to collect my thoughts on how to approach his behavior. Any input about how I should approach him without it being blown out or cause a fight or argument? He needs to know this is serious. He even drinks and drives and with his kids and me in the car


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Unfortunately I don't really know how it could be handled without an argument happening.
    I'm guessing, if he's like this with the kids and you around. He's the same when they aren't around.

    You need to tell him straight out, that you are concerned about his drinking and driving. And that he is putting the lives of strangers and loved ones at risk.

    You will likely get the "I'm fine" or "I can handle it" type responses.

    Then saying something about he shouldn't be getting drunk when his kids are around. Well, that would likely start WW3.

    You should be questioning your relationship with him. Tell him if he isn't willing to make some changes with his actions. That you will not stay around to watch him hurt people he loves.

    Don't get in the car if he has been drinking. Don't let the kids in the car.

    If he drives drunk. Is there a car you can follow him in? Call the cops on your cell. Tell the dispatch your following a drunk driver. They'll get a vehicle description and where you are. And they will send a car or two to stop him. Maybe getting arrested might smarten him up.
    That's what it took for me.

    He has obviously got a problem. It will likely get worse. I hate to say it but it will likely take something fairly substantial to happen in his life before he stops.

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What Guys Said 5

  • All things considered, his behavior and attitude is consistent with that of an alcoholic. And if he does have an alcohol dependency, then, unfortunately, he may not realize the severity of his his destructive ways and the risk he is placing upon his kids and others.

    Therefor, nothing short of professional alcohol counseling and treatment, perhaps inpatient care, is needed to improve his condition. The fact remains that many, if not most, alcoholics and such can not overcome the severe symptoms associated with alcohol withdrawal without such extreme treatment.

    As such, I strongly advise that you and other supporters ask him to seek professional help at your urgency. If he does not, then you have a hard decision on your hands. Perhaps you can either notify the co-parent and explain the situation to her in an effort to protect the kids, or allow him to continue risking the lives of others, including his own.

    Personally, I hope you choose the former.

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  • I think you are right to throw up the brakes at this behavior. it does seem rather irresponsible to not be sober around your children, particularly when you only see them 4 days out of the month. it indicates to me a lack of self control or awareness. plus the fact that he has four children (presuming he's between 25-29 or there abouts) shows a lack of foresight or consideration for responsibility

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  • He clearly has issues he needs to take care of. Does he only drink when he has his kids?
    You need to put your foot down to the behavior. Don't allow him to do what he is doing and be with him.
    He has some issue as to why he is doing this, but don't put your life in jeopardy and allow him to do such with his kids.
    He needs to stop and might need help.

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  • You're right to question. Drinking and driving with his children is unconscionable. You just have to tell him what you've said here "I do not condone getting drunk around your children (or any potential children we have) and find it completely inexcusable that you drive drunk with them."

    How many baby mamas for those 4 kids?

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  • The girl I like, does weed. I don't do the stuff myself. I don't care that she does it... after all, it's HER money, not mine. The only problem I'd have with it, is, if she's 1. breaking dates cause she'd rather do it 2. Getting me in to a car, house, or place, that's loaded. If she knows it is and she's still putting me in it, I don't want to know her. Colorado and Wash. St. are the only ones who've legalized recreational... I'm in Ohio, where it's still illegal. I don't need "possession" on my record

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What Girls Said 1

  • Wow at first I was like only 4 days? Poor guy but if he's doing that he shouldn't be seeing them at all. He obviously doesn't care that much about them to get drunk and drive when they're here or let you see such negligent behaviour. He has all month to get drunk you're right to second guess being in a relationship and having kids with him, he will do the exact same thing to you and probably get you all killed in a car crash. Just dump him and move onto a guy that will treat his kids with care and love

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