Why does he not want to constantly have sex?

Why does my new boyfriend (of 6 months) not want to constantly have sex with me? He's an amazing boyfriend apart from this and he loves me very much. We have sex about once or twice a week (the sex is not terrible but not crazy passionate, either) I thought this amount was quite low but waited and see if things picked up.

However, a few months on there's no increase and over the last week or two we've tried to have sex 3 times and every time (granted, we had been drinking) he couldn't really get hard and we just had to stop.

I'm not unattractive and generally get a lot of attention from guys. He is also attractive, so I'd say we're in the same league. However, when we do have sex he often dims or turns the light off. I'm seriously, seriously beginning to think that he doesn't fancy me/like my body. I've raised this with him and he's obviously said that's not the case- but what am I supposed to think? Every time I see him I want to f**** him sooo bad and I thought that all new relationships were supposed to be non-stop f***ing.

Like I said, apart from this everything is awesome, I'm just worried he doesn't fancy me enough. Is this normal for a guy?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Nothing is "normal" for a guy. You're making the mistake of making assumptions. All new relationships don't HAVE to be about non-stop fucking. You obviously have an extremely high sex drive. These are reasons that address your issues:

    1) Is he overweight? This will affect sex drive. Mine decreased when I became overweight with the last g/f.
    2) Is he older? This will affect sex drive. Mine decreased after 27.
    3) Maybe he dims the lights because he's embarrassed of HIMSELF. Leave it to a woman to be egocentric about things and attribute this to herself.
    4) As other guys here have said, some dudes do not have the same sex drive. I know a 50 year old that still has sex like 5 times a day for hours at a time.

    You should stop worrying about the sex and start concentrating on the relationship... unless all you want is sex. If that's so then just let him know you want to be fuck buddies so that you can pursue another man on the side that will fulfill your desire: meanwhile this lets him know that you are no longer interested in him as a romantic/life partner. It's the fair thing to do.

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    • I agree, I guess I only have past experience to go by (bfs who would want sex constantly) and I do have a very high sex drive for a girl. If we'd been together for a few years I'd consider this normal but I'm concerned as things can only diminish from here. 1) he is very thin and active 2) he is 29 3) he is incredibly self-confident (to the point of arrogance) so if he is insecure I would be surprised 4) we talk about sex/porn a lot and the desire for sex, so it seems odd to me that he has a low interest in getting down to it

    • That's your mistake. You think this is about INTEREST. It's not. This is something that is out of his control. Do you think middle aged men LIKE buying Erectile Dysfunction medication? Do you think they suffer from a lack of interest? Of course not. They want to get it in just as bad... but they can't, they are physically incapable and they need some medical help.

      So yeah, don't think this is about your boyfriends interest level. By the way, my ex said the same thing about me: arrogant, active, 28/29 years, always talking about sex... lol.

What Guys Said 7

  • When I was younger, I liked sex 3 times a week, that was fine. I couldn't go every day, I needed some recharge time. Twice a week just may be his thing. He may be tired during the week from work, distracted. Turning down the lights is a bit of a red flag tbh. It may be very hard for him to be honest with you if there is an attraction problem. He probably cares very much for you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings and is hiding the problem. You can only try and talk so much. If he just doesn't do it for you, you will never truly be 100% happy with him. You may have to move on! I hope you two can talk about it and hopefully get on track!

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  • everyone is different , some guys just aren't that good in bed or not as crazy about sex as other guys are. for whatever reason he isn't that into sex at the moment , maybe he's busy with work or something I don't know. you need to find a way to make things more interesting in the bedroom and more exciting for each of you

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  • Oh just boost his sex drive a bit. Have him start taking maca powder or a 100% maca supplement if he doesn't feel like mixing into something. Also eat these libido increasing vegetables, no joke he'll be way too horny after just a day to not have sex with you.
    -Maca: Increases libido and energy throughout the day like no other
    -Celery: this will boost his sperm count so you get the picture
    -Watermelon: this increases blood flow because of the l-citrulline, and so with the maca creates a deadly combo in getting the drive going

    He just adds those things to his diet it's a wrap, I use those things in my green smoothie for energy boost when going to the gym and stuff and improve my health, and honestly I'm pretty much turned on all the time haha

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  • Very simply, not everyone has the same sex drive. That's one of the leading causes of breakups. I think far too much has been made of the old "guys only want sex" cliché. Just as not all women are frosty prudes, not all guys are brainless, guided dick-missiles. And it's possible he has a few insecurities or some performance anxiety. Warranted or not, our brains can come up with all kinds of reasons to mess with us.

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  • He nay be a diabetic, or have high blood pressure, taking a medicine for a preexisting illness and all of these effect his sex drive unless he's just a person like that but usually when u have a girl like yourself that wants to get it thr flattery alone should put him up to the challenge. Hot mama stay hot and just jump him from time to time. U shpuld also have a few serious convos to discover what the truth of his absence is

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  • some guys have lower sex drives, you said he goes soft, maybe he has a slight case of erectile dysfunction, maybe he watches too much p*rn and has p*rn induced ED, maybe its worth going doctor and seeing what his testosterone is like

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  • I LOL so bad when i get to this "Every time I see him I want to f**** him sooo bad" xD

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What Girls Said 1

  • Some people just have a low sex drive. Personally, I'd just ask him what's up, otherwise you'll just sit there over thinking things and feeling unattractive.

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