Don't judge. I cut, not deep enough to bleed and leave scars but enough that I feel it. Do I tell my boyfriend?

I had a seriously bad relationship when I was 13. I was dating an older guy, about high school junior or senior age, with my parents not knowing. One day we were home alone at my house and he took advantage of me sexually. After that he broke up with me and I started to cut, because A) u didn't want to tell my parents what happened and B) I felt disgusted in myself and what I let happen. This went on til about the middle of my sophomore year of high school when my friend convinced me to stop. However the depression came back again towards the end if my junior year and I started cutting again. I have told my boyfriend all the previous information however I did it again tonight. I am seeing him tomorrow and I don't know if I should tell him I relapsed again. I don't want him to see me as a depressed, suicidal freak, but I feel that if I don't I'm not being completely honest with him. What do I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Far more important than you telling your boyfriend that you cut yourself is the question what are you doing to get past these feelings that make you want to cut.

    If I loved a woman who hurt herself, I would want her to do everything in her power to stop that, including getting some psychological support. If your boyfriend is a good guy, he would want you to get help my dear.

    I really hope that you do. You take care now.

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    • I've told him I've done it before though and I promised I'd stop for him. I feel like he'd be disappointed in me and mad at me and that makes me want to do it again!

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    • Well, I'm thinking you could ask these people for help in finding you some counseling in your area. Explain to the person on the hotline that you need help looking for a counselor whom you can contact in your area on a more permanent basis. I just noticed when I logged on to GAG that they have an expert now, Dr. Christina Villarreal, who is a licensed psychotherapist. Perhaps you could message her and ask her to point you in the right direction towards someone who you could talk to on a more permanent basis.

      For what it's worth, I don't believe you are a freak of nature, my dear. I don't believe you are merely fat, stupid, and useless. At the very least, you write in articulate and understandable sentences, which is more than I can say for many people your age here on GAG.

What Guys Said 2

  • I really don't know if i should be the one to try to answer this, but here i am. I think you need to find some people you can share this with, if not on this site then elsewhere. I don't think you can keep this to yourself, especially if your pain is coming out in self-damaging ways. If you feel your boyfriend is mature enough to commit himself to you, then he should have no issue sharing this with you (it is his duty as a committed partner, at least). If not, perhaps you need to talk to your friend again or maybe a family member, someone you trust. I don't believe you have to define yourself by this either, i know that people do rise above it.

    I think you should also try to seek help from someone who has been through this before, which regrettably is not me. Try to commit yourself to dealing with this, whatever it ends up taking, i don't want to hear about another girl in the USA who accidentally cut too deeply after a traumatic assault. It's just too sad! You seem... nice.

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  • First I would echo what Bluemax said:: whether you tell you boyfriend or not, you should get the support and/or the help you need to I overcome whatever these feeling are that make you want to harm yourself.

    I would add that if you boyfriend truly cares about you and you decide to tell him, then I would hope that he would be more concerned about helping you deal with these problems than being mad at you for having a moment of weakness.

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    • I guess I am also echoing dhendable too. He just beat me to the punch while I was typing.

What Girls Said 2

  • I have been dealing with major depression for the past 4 years of my life, it started when I was 13 like you. I cut myself as well, I understand what you're going through, and I'll tell you from my personal experience, telling my boyfriend was really helpful. He is really kind about it and he doesn't judge me, in the beginning I was terrified of him seeing any of my scars, but now I'm comfortable enough around him that he usually sees the cuts the day after I've done them, and you know what his first reaction is? He immediately says you need polysporin, and then goes to get it and puts it on my cuts. Of course everyone is different but your boyfriend seems like he's really accepting of what you've told him, and he doesn't seem judgemental. I think you should talk to him about it, having someone to open up to is a massive relief. Goodluck!

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    • Thank you for sharing that with me. It was inspiring. But as you probably understand it's hard to fight those inner and outer demons and they end up winning.

    • Yea I fully understand, it took me more than 3 years to talk to someone about any of this, my boyfriend was the first person to find out. I really hope you find a way to fight your demons, at least enough to tell your boyfriend (:

  • i think you should tell him. you could use the support. he won't think you're a freak. and if he does then he's wrong. just be honest and let him be there for you.

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    • I told him and he freaked out on me.. He said that it was stupid because I told him I would stop. He got really mad and then he took me home. He didn't say good bye or anything... This makes me want to cut again. Musk what to do

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