Exclusivity before relationship? Or not?

I've been dating this guy for a few weeks and last night we agreed to date exclusively. I asked him what he was looking for and he said that if everything goes well, it could turn into something more but that he is the type of guy who needs time to figure things out before jumping into a relationship. I told him if he still wants to date around, that's fine - but that I would too. He said that that's not the part he needs time with - but more that he's scared that things might get serious too quickly and he'll freak out.

If my goal is for him to want to be in an actual relationship with me, is it in my best interest to date him exclusively or tell him that I think it's best not to be exclusive until we're in a committed relationship? (obviously I wouldn't be sleeping with others either way, for safety reasons. But- by choice, haven't slept with him yet)


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What Guys Said 1

  • Personally, I prefer exclusively. I don't think it's fair to treat people as prospects or job applicants. If you can see that person with someone else and not give a shit about it, you probably don't like them as much as you think you do in the first place. My two cents.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I would just explain to him that the idea is a little foreign to you, and you feel there is splitting hairs over the whole thing. Why be exclusive if you're not in a relationship? It's not to say either of you would be seeing other people in the process, but it makes things VERY confusing when you say "Yeah, that's the guy I'm dating exclusively, but he's NOT my boyfriend." That's kind of the incentive for wanting things to become a relationship instead of just dating, so that neither of you will see other people. Take that incentive away, and I doubt he'll want to make it the kind of relationship you want any time soon.

    I'm not saying to threaten that you'll see other people, just explain to him the confusion over the situation, and that you are looking for something real. So maybe explain that until he knows he wants something real, to not put labels on it whatsoever. Then in the chance you do meet a guy you like who is more willing to give you the type of relationship you're seeking, you won't be tied down to a noncommitted, committed situation lol

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    • Haha that's exactly what I was thinking, that's why I asked:) If he's the kinda guy who needs time, and I give him exclusivity now - why would he ever want a relationship? :p

    • Yes, exactly. Not to say that a guy who needs time would never commit, but they wouldn't try to lock you down in exclusivity and *also* need time. That's just him trying to have his cake and eat it too.

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