What to say on the first message to a girl on an online dating site?

I am on OKCupid and I constantly hit up all of these girls, because women never message first even if they are interested in you. But what are some tips on what to say on the first message so that the girls will respond more. I am not very good at talking online and so this whole experience is new and frustrating for me because I know I am an interesting guy but I can't prove that to her if she won't even give me a chance. so what are some tips to get her talking? both sexes welcome.


0|0
3|6

Most Helpful Girl

  • I actually met my current boyfriend on POF. The online dating thing was rough, but in the end - it worked for me (yes, I was shocked). Like some other have said - DO NOT just type "hi" that's annoying and seems like you are just basically typing "hi" to every single girl you find attractive. Telling her she's hot or that she's got a great ________ (whatever) isn't the best way either. Bring up something in her profile that interests you both, it shows that you didn't just look at her pictures and send her a message but that you actually read through the BS she had to come up with to fill the damn profile out! Lots of girls won't reply - don't worry about it. It happens. Also, if she's instantly talking about hooking up - don't plan on anything coming from that. I mean, besides sex - which is fine if that's what you are looking for. Seems to me like you want something more though. Good luck in your search!

    FYI - it did take me about 6-7 months to finally find the guy I'm with now, it's a slow process! I went on a few other dates, none crazy at least, but just didn't hit it off with anyone else.

    0|1
    0|0

What Girls Said 2

  • READ their profile, comment on something on there and not the first line. Something mentioned in passing and ffs do NOT open with a physical compliment. It's cheap and they get that 500 times a day I guarantee it.

    1|2
    0|0
  • Read their profile and comment on the stuff they like to do. That is always a good conversation starter.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 6

  • make sure you read their profiles, and the questions. The questions sometimes give you little tid bits about them. If you are just messaging girls saying hey girl whats up, they aren't going to respond. Make sure you show you made the effort to read what they want, what they are about and what they are looking for. Some women appreciate that. Though honestly even with all that you are not 100% guaranteed to get a response. Its also about what you say about yourself, if you have douchy pictures up, or come off as a douche, or whatever. Put a bit of elbow grease into the message and someone will respond, and in theory they won't be crazy. OKC and POF are two sites that breed crazy

    0|2
    0|0
    • breed crazy? uhoh

    • Show All
    • I second your opinion. But there are a few diamonds in the that there coal mine. Very few diamonds.

    • It just depends on what kind of people you get or message. Some are just looking to get married, some are looking to screw, some are not here with us on this planet. There are other that will lie about everything about themselves.
      You just message, hope you have chemistry and go from there. More than anything hope the crazy comes out sooner rather than later. The first girls poster said she met her bf after 7 months. I've been on OKC on and off for years and never found anyone that was long term material. Maybe Im picky, maybe Im crazy. But different people different experiences.

  • If you're an interesting guy, you shouldn't have trouble meeting girls in the real world. Most girls online have issues or are only on there for the ego boost, so I wouldn't advise wasting your time. It's not worth the frustration and meeting girls in person is waaay easier.

    0|1
    0|1
    • i work a lot and recently realized why the girls i meet dont work out that much, its because i meet them at bars and clubs, which doesn't really bring in the quality ladies

    • Well the trade off with meeting girls at bars and clubs is there are a lot more that aren't "quality" or looking for a relationship (I'm assuming you are), but girls are literally everywhere so you can meet tons of them and therefore, have a higher chance of finding one you do connect with. And yeah yeah, everyone works a lot and "doesn't have time", but that's not a valid excuse for not approaching women during the day when you do things like grocery shopping for example. Most guys just don't want to put in the work required so they resort to things like dating sites... don't be like that.

  • "Hi, you're pretty, can I cut a lock of your hair off and preserve it in molded plastic?"

    2|0
    0|0
  • Find something on their profile that sounds interesting to you, and ask them about it or make a comment on it (i. e. common interests, or anything that makes you stop and say wow, that's cool).

    I wish you the best of luck, man. I gave up on OKCupid after several months of frustration. The questions can be both a good and bad thing. I was talking to a nice Catholic lady for about a month, and we had so much in common. She lived 4 hours away. One of her answers said that she was very hesitant to meet people from OKCupid in person. At one point I gave her my phone number in case she wanted to text me, because the OKCupid chat was kind of annoying. She never responded to that particular message, but still talked with me a little longer. It petered out between us, especially on my end because I figured it wasn't going to go anywhere, since she was so afraid of meeting guys from the site. Luckily for me, I signed up for CatholicMatch and within three days I met my current girlfriend of 9.5 months (she actually messaged me first). We are now talking about marriage. Online dating can be very hard for men, but it can work.

    0|0
    0|0
    • For what it's worth, free dating sites are pretty rough because there's no barrier to entry. A lot of people are there for ego boosts. Most people who sign up for pay sites, and pay the fee, are going to be taking it more seriously because they have a financial investment in it.

    • Show All
    • I'm not saying that all people on free sites are like that, but you'll find a lot more insincere people there. Pay sites can have their own risks, too. It's not unheard of to find fake profiles there, leading people on so they keep paying for the service. You should do a lot of research before paying for a site, to make sure it's legit.

    • The only pay site I've used (and can vouch for) is CatholicMatch, but if you aren't Catholic, then that won't help you much... haha.

  • Pick a topic from her profile you both have in common and try to start a discussion. Ask for their opinions on current events. Just saying hi, complements on her looks, and pick up lines are not very effective.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Yo girl I like that butt.
    No not really.
    I would just say "hey you seem cool, hit me up whenever"

    0|0
    0|2
Loading...