My girlfriend goes clubbing with her friends. How would you feel if your bf/gf did this even though they know you disapprove of it?

She does not do this routinely but she finds it difficult to say no when he friends take her out. However, I have told her that I feel that clubs are not a good environment for people in a serious relationship. Most people go to clubs because they are looking for something. She is not looking to hook up with someone, but her girlfriends sure are. My gf does not have a very strong personality and she is not very resistant to peer pressure--drinking and partying usually lead to trouble. If she's looking for trouble, she will eventually find it.

I have been honest about how I feel and shared it with her without forcing my will on her. Do you think I should tell her that if she wants to party like a single girl, maybe she's not ready for a relationship?


0|0
6|3

Most Helpful Guy

  • You don't trust her. Sometimes a lack of trust is well deserved, but either way it's not a good basis for continuing the relationship.

    The reality is that you're both adults, and you both have free will. You're not her father, and while you can provide input by telling your partner how her actions makes you feel, you should not be attempting to control those actions. I know you know this, and it sounds like you've tried to do right by her.

    Compromise is, of course, the operative word, and in this case there are probably avenues for compromise that you have not yet explored, but we all have a point where we put our foot down. When you've reached that point all that's left is to feel angry and hurt. You feel how you feel; I don't believe anyone should be telling you you're not entitled to your feelings. However, if the time ever comes that your feelings and the boundaries of your relationship are irreconcilable, it's time to look out for your own happiness and let her live the life she wants to live without you.

    I've been in this situation while trying to maintain a LDR, and I ended it. Not only was she throwing her nights out in my face, but mutual friends were telling me I should be wary about what she was doing. Thankfully I listened to them, because they were right. :(

    0|1
    0|0

What Girls Said 6

  • She knows you're uncomfortable and she hasn't made this a habit. I think that's really all you can ask of her. To force her to choose between going out with friends and being in a relationship with you, that's getting kind of close to being a controlling boyfriend.

    If you trust that she isn't looking for anything when she goes out, then you have nothing to worry about. I'm also in a relationship and I still go out to bars with my girlfriends. It's not a big deal - I just have a couple drinks and play wingwoman for my friends.

    0|0
    0|0
  • u don't sound like u trust or really respect her... u imply that she is too weak minded to resist the temptation of another man. tell her how u feel and see how she responds. if u feel she isn't ready for a relationship, ok... but why are u dating someone u feel needs guidance and control not to cheat?

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't think you should make a big deal about it. Most girls only go to clubs to dance with their friends anyway. Some people just like the club atmosphere. You can't really control her.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't see the big deal about this. If my partner wants to go out and have fun, then I see no problem with it and hope he'll have a good time.

    0|0
    1|0
  • I'd be pissed. It's a respect thing. No matter how big or little my boyfriend and I never go against eachothers wishes unless it has been discussed.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would be ok. That's what he likes to do and I'm not going to stop him. I trust him not to do something he shouldn't

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 2

  • You could go with the trusty "It's not you I don't trust, it's your friends/the guys at the club."

    But you can't really keep her from going out with her friends. Are you sure she's only going because of peer pressure, and not to just have a good time?

    She's also just your GF, she's not married with children yet, so I don't think it's fair to make her feel like she has to choose between you or her social life.

    0|0
    0|0
  • My gf's a stripper. I met her in the club, so I can't really say she can't flirt with other men... it's the women I have a hard time with

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...