Is it normal that I'm 21 and I have never had a date or am I just ugly?

I'm 21 and I've never had a date. I recently created a Tinder account with optimism and I consequently found that I had zero matches. Is there something ugly about my face that keeps girls from liking me? Please be honest, this has been keeping me down for a very long time now. I really want to know where my standards should be set and if I can do anything about how I look bad.

Here are a couple pictures of me for reference
(Just copy and paste this link): imgur. com/a/OCnJD

Also, before anyone asks, I go to college and work and hang out with friends. I do not consider myself to be socially awkward either because I do have both male and female friends and I have also heard from adults that I am charming and well spoken.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you are good looking :) Your eyes are really nice, perhaps a bit feminine, and your facial structure is delicate, which could make people say you look gay but that's just ignorant BS. I really like your eyes, just to reiterate.

    Ah, looking young for your age. I can sympathise with you there. I look 13-15 years old but I'm 20. It's a pain when I'm attracted to a man my own age who doesn't even notice the "child" nearby.

    Everyone has different preferences for how a person should look. You fit my preferences, for example, but you may not fit someone else's preferences.

    I don't think it's weird because you look so young, and you may not have found the right girl yet. I think you are good looking :) Your eyes are really nice, perhaps a bit feminine, and your facial structure is delicate, which could make people say you look gay but that's just ignorant BS. I really like your eyes, just to reiterate.

    Ah, looking young for your age. I can sympathise with you there. I look 13-15 years old but I'm 20. It's a pain when I'm attracted to a man my own age who doesn't even notice the "child" nearby.

    Everyone has different preferences for how a person should look. You fit my preferences, for example, but you may not fit someone else's preferences.

    I don't think it's weird considering that you look so young, and you may not have found the right girl yet.

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    • Oops accidentally copied and pasted it again! Sorry about that.

What Girls Said 23

  • Tinder is funny. My brother and I both were on there at one point.

    He is very attractive, I would rate him a 8 or 9, and is gainfully employed - guess how many matches he would get over the course of a week? 10-15

    Then there is me, I would rate myself maybe a 7 and I only had the app for 24hrs yet I received over 400 matches.

    My point is, think about who is actually using the app more, guys or girls. You cannot let your matches identify you because it isn't a true science - it is just people swiping right or left.

    I would swipe you right. :)

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    • Aww thanks. I just think it's weird I didn't get any matches yet out of all of the girls I swiped right and it's been a few days so it's just worrying is all.

  • dating websites are a strange thing... most of the people on them are unstable anyway. Sometimes you get lucky and find someone cool... my brother did wife on eharmony... but that's for perople who want to pay every month lol... instead go out into the world maybe you'll meet someone, and friends sometimes friends can make relationships happen

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    • That's what I've always done but the girls I show interest in after getting to know never show interest back. I actually just started this online dating stuff since that didn't work, and this isn't working for me either!!! >:(

    • things take time , its not the same for everyone. I'm actually in your same situation. I'm a little older than you and can not get a guy to see me as anything more than a friend... maybe I should be bolder but I'm not there yet. Eventually I will be.

  • yes you are a handsome guy - just wait patiently for Miss Right or until marriage - you can't anything better than your virginity to your wife.

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  • I know, you had been posting this about 10 times or from last year asking the same thing over again. You were agitated and on the edge from some stuff. People were calling you shrek.

    You sound much better in this post. I hope you get better at it.

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    • I just hope I find a cute girl that will like me for how I look. I just feel so discouraged

    • Show All
    • So basically I just have to be the ugly need with confidence?

    • Looks are just a shell on the outside but its the quality of personality that matters most. How willing are you going to constantly improve yourself or you're just going to standstill and say its enuff, and that you don't need to work on your self?

  • Oh, shh! You're very handsome :) Maybe try being more forward with people you're interested in? (Lots of flirting, body language, etc) Maybe these girls are just too shy or are waiting for you to make a move? Either way, you don't have to worry! Everyone does things at their own pace. Don't force yourself into doing things you don't want to do just because you think you're behind everyone else.

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  • Whaaa? No way! You're adorable.

    Do you ask girls out?

    Maybe change your clothing style? It looks good in the pics, but this is usually the first factor that makes people think you look gay.

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  • You seem normal! I'm sure if you presented yourself in a more confident way people would think you're older. You're attractive! Just put yourself out there a little more :)

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  • NO... i m 26 and never date or kissed a guy... so what? there is no book which says that you have to kiss or sex by that age... its just finding the right person to love.. i never find one..(ok, i found and lost) :)

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  • u look cute, i'm also 21 haven't kissed, never been on a date so i guess its normal

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  • No, you look really cute. I'm 19 and virgin and I will stay like that for a long time. It's not weird at all, at least you don't have any risks of getting some nasty STDs (:

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  • I'm 19 and I've never been on a date but it's not something to worry about. You're young and swinging and there will be plenty of girls in the near future. Just be positive and have a good outlook on life and your prospects :)

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  • You aren't ugly at all. I'm actually quite attracted to you from your pictures. Please dont feel insecure about the way you look. Trust me, if I knew you I would definitely hope that you would approach me😊

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  • No, you're really cute! You look like 19 to me, you just have a baby face :) Handsome, definitely.

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  • Don't worry everybody moves at their own pace you will find the right gal one day

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  • Definitely not ugly you just look younger than 21

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  • I'm 23 and I've never kissed a guy.. But I'm afraid my future bf will laugh at me.

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  • Yes i'm 20 and I've never been done or kissed

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  • it's fine. everyone progresses at their own rate. not everyone has to have a date and a first kiss by a certain age, you know? it's whenever you and the other person is ready. a lot of young adults are your age, or even older, and have never been on a date. its normal. your time will come

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  • I didn't have a boyfriend until my late 20's and I know I am very attractive, I didn't want to have any regrets or make a mistake, and that's exactly what happened because i kept thinking im 28 and never been kissed, cherish that uniqueness you have, not all can say that. I finally have something i always wanted to experience, but it doesn't feel right, i know he loves me. Thats why am still with him.

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  • You're actually attractive. It's not an abnormal occurrence that it happens. A lot of my friends didn't go out on a date until they were 22-23. Don't base your dating life by sites or by the number of dates you've been on. You'll get around to dating when the time comes. It's better if you meet the girl in real life and you get to know her in real life rather than through a site.

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    • Thanks. I just hope the time comes soon. I mean, it came for all of my friends way back in high school, and here I am now already almost done with college. I don't know how I can meet girls in real life now. I feel like they all do tinder.

    • You're still in school, you'll be able to meet girls in school, later on at work and so on. I met my boyfriend in our last year of college. So it's still possible that you meet her in college or later on at work.

  • Maybe you're just ugly..

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  • I guess so. I've had lots of friends meet someone on tinder where appearance is everything. Either you have a bad picture or you're not attractive or the girls who think you're cute are girls you don't think are cute so it's not matching you up.

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    • Ahh, okay. Did you take a look at my pictures? What do you think?

    • I didn't. I'm on my phone and I'm having a hard time copy pasting link. I can check later when I'm at a computer

    • Okey dokey

  • Yep my friend, you are just one ugly son of a b*tch.

    Seriously? You are very handsome! I'd date the fuck out of you!

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What Guys Said 14

  • Dude I'm on the same boat. I'm 21 and never kissed or dated. And it's not cuz I don't feel confident in my looks, it's because I want to share this part of me with my girlfriend, I only get to do that once. I've been patient this whole time so I don't see the need to just throw myself to the first girl I find attractive. Just wait it out man.

    I used to be very insecure about my virginity but now it's just... whatever you know? I don't even care to say I am cuz in reality, it doesn't matter. I'm proud I am one and the fact I don't go bouncing on every girl I see. I have a certain kind I respect towards women.

    You look good dude, so don't feel you can't pass in that department. It's how you carry yourself that reflects the most onto others. That's the part you need to be concerned about. I'm sure girls search for guys like us all the time but were a bit of a rarity, especially at our age.

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  • its completely normal to be what the question title describes. you're fine don't rush it don't force it. just let it happen:)

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  • It's normal. You sound like you are overly worried about this, but it isn't that big of a deal. It's much worse to feel ashamed about never having kissed someone and to drive your life based on ideas of "normal/weird" than to just take it easy and let the time come when it will.

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    • By "let the time come when it will," I don't mean "expect life to hand you it on a platter." If you aren't ashamed of yourself, you're more likely to achieve the things you were ashamed of not having achieved.

  • I wouldn't say there is any "normal" I lost it at 25. I didn't feel awkward then or now about it. I had at least 3 chances before that to lose it but I didn't want to.

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  • i had my first kiss at 18 and loss my virginity at 22 going to 23 yet i was never told that i was abnormal. trust me bro there are a lot of dudes out there that are a lot more of a late bloomers than us, who are in their 30s and are still inexperienced virgins. and the funny thing is that i came across a few of those guys here in this site

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  • I don't know you do look kind of gay no offense but its kinda weird that someone who looks like you hasn't been with a girl before especially because you want to. MAybe you need to go to more social events like parties and then it becomes super easy to meet girls and they give out kisses like its Halloween candy.

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  • Sounds like you don't have any confidence. That's pretty much #1 for women. Hit the gym to bulk up. I'd recommend the Spartacus work out

    It'll peak your confidence and attractiveness.

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  • I am 26 and a virgin. I'm decent looking, strong, smart, talented, I'm just kind of shy and the girls I've had the opportunity to be with either weren't up to my standards or they cheated.

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  • I am 19 almost 20 and a virgin. I attempted to kiss a girl but I missed her lips and cone to find out she did not want it :(

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  • in honesty, a little.

    but then you'd be surprised who's never been on a date at that age.

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  • Are you skinny? Start working out, man. I don't think you look gay but see if working out helps.
    You'll be spotted in a crowd with a good body

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  • "Normal is an illusion. What's normal for the spider is chaos for the fly"--Morticia Addams

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  • Its increasing normal. I think we're moving from a monoamorous society to a polygynous society. Embrace the change :-)

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  • It's perfectly normal IF you've never asked a girl out on a date.

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