Should you tell a partner everything?

i overheard my husband talking to his ex girlfriend about me, saying that he didn't want me to know what he was capable of and that i will never know everything about him. he was saying that she (his ex) knew everything but his wife didn't and she never will. does this mean that he is being protective of me and is a sign of his love? i know he has a rough past. do you tell your partner everything or should there be some secrets to protect the one you love?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Well. In my own opinion yes, i would tell the woman I will ask to marry me everything. My reason for this idea (i haven't got to that stage with a woman yet) is because at any given time this ex can tell you something you don't know and embellish it, hell, she could even make something up completely and because you overheard this conversation you'd think it was true.

    We aren't all squeaky clean, life throws too much dirt around for that to be the case. Everyone has scars, everyone has regrets, everyone has had moments of ecstasy and forbidden pleasure. That is what makes us human and that is what has brought me to any given moment. So yes, in a hope of her understanding me further and to give the relationship a strong foundation which people cannot undermine I would.

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    • i agree with you, which is why i have told him everything about me. i just feel maybe he doesn't want to shatter the image he has portrayed to me and its in his past so its better me not knowning. its just i have always felt you woud be able to tell a partner everything and not worry about images or if they would judge you. i hope he is doing it to just protect me, maybe he is telling his ex cos he doesn't care what she thinks of him and his past and what he is capable of. sorry for rambling lol

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    • i think he's witholding his violent past because of his culture and i overheard his dad and brother talking about they know people that can sort out trouble for them. so i dont think my husband wants me to know that he's knows these connections and what he is capable of, so maybe thats not a bad thing, would you tell your wife about stuff like that?

    • I have distanced myself from that kind of past as your husband has. However, back in the day the women i were with knew who to phone if we were ever 'jumped' while we were out. I was open about this because ultimately i'd be too focussed trying to protect myself and them to be phoning for backup. I would explain this to my potential wife because it is a corner stone to my past. It is how i know i can physically protect her. I wouldn't glorify it though, i'd just tell it straight.

      It is a touchy subject because we don't want to seem like brutes. I remember one girl said to me 'Slightly dangerous is sexy, dangerous is just dangerous.' I think the problem with discussing this topic is that she'll wonder why I am discussing it. It's not very civilised and it puts us in a bad light a lot of the time even when it is done for the right reasons. They weren't in those situations and it can be difficult explaining a gut reaction. Maybe that is why he'd rather stay quiet.

  • No, I do not tell my partner everything, and probably never will. They might know a lot, but not everything. I don't think you should try to read anything into it, like his motives for not telling you. I think you should just take him for who he is today, and let his past remain in the past. It may even be something he wishes he didn't know himself. We can't turn back the clock, but we can shove it in a corner and forget about it. Some things just don't need to be brought up, even with a spouse.

    I don't want this to come across as something necessarily horrible. It might not be a big deal, or something he's just embarrassed about. Let him tell you in his own time, or not at all.

    As for his ex knowing it and not you. Maybe it's something she experienced with him. Or something she couldn't help but know about at the time.

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