Baggage... what to do, how do I get him to understand?

8 months ago I was engaged, he broke my heart, and I am ashamed I ever said I'd marry him.

Been dating, and recently have gone out with a few great guys. But last weekend one blew me away! I mean talked for hours, was so sweet, best good night kiss ever, and since then he had been blowing up my phone with the sweetest texts.

he's a surgical resident (but I am forensic psychology grad student therefore busy). We've had a few follow up dates but he cancelled our second real date. The next day he told me that during his fourth year of medical school, he dated this girl and after only 7 months proposed, she agreed to move with him to start residency they planned everything, she bailed breaking his heart. He then told me how "amazing, beautiful, funny, and sexy" I am, but that they still talked. And I was like what are you saying? and he's like I don't know we could maybe get back together, but I like you and want you (he doesn't know what he wants)

He blew me away, I mean almost literally. But I don't want to be some girl he strings along. Like I would date him knowing I could get hurt. But, right now I am getting bad mixed signals...

So what do you guys think of sending him a text saying, "you are sending me mixed signals. I am not asking you to marry me I want to date you. I've realized can get other guys, but I want you! I know I could loose you to your ex, but based on what you've said as of now, you want me too. So do you? because I'd be your friend, I just need to know"

I think the point I want to make is that I can get other guys, and that I don't expect a marriage proposal here... I don't know


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Most Helpful Guy

  • ""you are sending me mixed signals. I am not asking you to marry me I want to date you. I've realized can get other guys, but I want you! I know I could loose you to your ex, but based on what you've said as of now, you want me too. So do you? because I'd be your friend, I just need to know"
    I don't think that is the message to send. I also don't know if you should try and convey your message via text. I think this stuff requires at the very least phone conversation and even better to do it face to face

    but I would really be concerned about a guy who could go back to his gf at some point. basically he is not over her and you could end up in a really bad spot. I think in order to really date someone and give them your all you have to be of a single mind that this is the person I'm dating, no one else. someone isn't going to walk through the door, or call me that might make me drop this person.

    I'd be very concerned about his lingering feelings for her. after all they were engaged

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    • Thank you! I can't undo the fact that I did send it. But you are right. I should give him the space to make his choice. Do you think I should say sorry, and I think that we should just be friends until you figure it out with her? I know back when I was engaged I think I would have appreciated that.

    • I don't think you have anything to apologize for. you just expressed your feelings which was fine. I do think that until he is either over her, or realizes that the relationship is absolutely done that you should be careful not to put yourself in a vulnerable position. which means probably only being friends at this point

    • Okay ;) Thanks, there is a part of me that hopes he says he just wants to be friends. Then I have nothing to worry about. I think that in a relationship you aren't supposed to wonder. Or want to do what he was doing with me. But I do get it, because my relationship with my ex who I was also supposed to marry was bad and I had to figure that out for myself.

What Guys Said 1

  • You could send that text, but what would his responses prove? If he chooses the other girl, then you lose him. On the other hand, if he says he chooses you over her, then would you really believe him? I mean, would there be no doubt in your mind that he has truly put his ex behind him, just like that, with the snap of your finger? If it was that easy for him to shake off his ex, he would not have this issue of baggage in the first place. And given this baggage, how sincere could his sweet texts have really been? He strikes me as insincere and likely to cheat on you with his ex. I think you would do well to move on to greener pastures.

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    • I did send it. but you make a really good point. And I feel like I am going to get a I don't know reply. I can move on to greener pastures. I think he is insecure unfortunately. And oddly enough he sure as hell shouldn't be. Maybe I am wrong, if he tells me he just wants to be friends, I'd actually do that... and I think given his situation that is what he should say.

What Girls Said 1

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