Ladies, how many messages per day do you get on average when you join a dating website?

I think this has been discussed before in other places, but I want to get answers from more real women.

Guys, chime in if you disagree, but it seems that we get very few messages and send many.

On the flip side, reports say that women receive tons of messages. Does this happen for all girls?

If you are getting many messages, how do you choose who you reply to? Do you reply to the really good messages or the cutest guys?

I just wanted to update that I went out on a date with a very pretty girl. She said that in the last year she had gone on forty dates. In previous years she had gone on dates every weekend. Now she goes on dates when she is bored or wants to eat well


Most Helpful Girl

  • I have downloaded an app called people meet, then date my school , and also briefly had a match. com account. People meet was awful, so many guys messaged me, i messages almost all of them back ( the ones with pictures of themselves not an avatar) and most guys were asking to meet up right away or wanting to meet up for a hook up.( I did no such thing) I deleted the account when I started getting messages from a guy who insited on messaging me even when I stopped replying. My inbox filled and filled and finally I was tired of it. I deleted it. I went back 2 months later jusgt for fun, maybe I would meet someone else... he found me once again. I deleted it for the last time. I haven't been back. On date my school, I liked it at first because you were connecting with other college students from all over he country. Long story short I put up a picture and BAM all the messages I could stand, I had this one guy I messaged quite often because he was cool, end up telling me couldn't stop thinking about me and that he was going to do everything in his power to have me, saying he showed my picture to all his buddies, and they said they approved... I deleted my account shortly after. After that I had match but I was scared to subscribe to get all then benefits... I'm not sure how much it would have cost me... but i was just afraid it would end up bad like the other sites.

    • This sounds kind of bad to ask, but I need to for perspective. Are you ridiculously attractive or more average?

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    • Everyone might have a different opinion of what good looking is, but you apparently fill up a mail box.
      Do you get as much attention from guys in real life? And are you more choosey online then in real life?

    • Well I'm pretty shy when I'm walking around in public. I tend not to make any eye contact... and at work its all women lol. I ride the train everyday, I get the occasional stare or up and down look but who doesn't? In high school and college I didn't care as much about my appearance but now that I work an an office setting I have yo dress up everyday and I have translated that into my everyday style... maybe that's it?

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What Girls Said 5

  • Girls who have pictures that show how attractive they are tend to get more messages. Unattractive pictures is the line between many messages and a few.
    How I choose to respond is whether they have an attractive picture of themselves on their account. (You would not believe how many guys only use pet, sport logo, and car/boat photos.) To add, most mirror pictures and selfies don't tend to look good. I'd advise to have someone else take the picture. Also, I do not respond to people who have shirtless pictures. Shirtless pictures destroys the mystery and makes it less impressive when you do get to the undressing.
    I will say that what you send in the messages is equally important to your pictures. Humor or sweet messages I always respond to. The simple "Hey" is not enough. It simply has been overused.

    • I do all of the things you are talking about and still only get minimal responses. I read the profile, comment on something we have in common or I want to know more about/tell more about. I am above average attractive and my pictures tend to show me in my element. I have a picture of me giving a dolphin a kiss, one of me playing a gig in Canada as well as Memphis, one of me wearing a suit that I designed and one with a giant American flag I made out of table cloth while in south America. I also fill out the surveys that show my personality and write good things about myself on the profile including almost being a doctor. I still only get responses from single mothers who are older than me or obese girls. What I am trying to say is, I feel like girls get so many messages, that when guys like me really do put in the effort, we are apparently ignored for the most attractive guys.
      Guys dont get between many messages and few. They get between few and none.

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    • :-) It looks to me like girls do not even read the messages. They judge on the picture, and from there decide whether to read the messages. Maybe guys SHOULD just write "hey" because the girls will judge them on the picture anyway.

    • Most of us do look at the messages, but we judge upon picture whether to answer it. We don't want to start a conversation and lead someone on that we see no future with. Humor really does help though.

  • It varies from day to day but in the last month, I've gotten about 250.

    I reply to guys who interest me.

    Or, occasionally, the one's I sort of feel bad for (e. g. a 22 year old sent me message telling me that he was in the army and deploying overseas and always wanted to be with an attractive older woman and would I be willing to give it a go. Of course, I said no, but I wished him well).

    Otherwise I don't respond, I simply don't have the time to do so, I feel bad for the one's who seemed really sweet and put effort into it, but there is only so much time in the day.

    I simply don't have the time to respond to all of them

    • You gotta explain what interests you.
      You said "I feel bad for one's who seemed really sweet and put effort into it". This makes me think that you kind of only reply to the guys who are cute and maybe their profile interested you.
      What qualifies interest to you?

    • Well, what interests me is what we may have in common. Is there enough to risk a first date? Do I find the guy attractive? Is he too old or too young? I use OKCupid so I browse the questions (see if there are any red flags) and go from there.

  • It really depends on attractiveness. On average, I say I would get about 15-20 messages a day. Then again, it's also about how you sell yourself.

    • When you say how you sell yourself, do you mean in the photo, in the message, or on the profile?

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    • If a guy doesn't have a good picture, I won't even bother going any further sometimes.

    • Tell me, do you do the same type of screening in real life? For example, do you have around 5 guys hit on you per day and only talk to the attractive ones? Or do you only get that type of attention online?

  • I didn't get a ton, maybe between 10-15 a day on average

    • thats a lot. way more then guys get usually

    • That's true but I've had friends receive hundreds

    • What catguy said is right. I don't know know if even the hottest guys get 10-15 a day.
      Dating websites are ridiculously one sided. Man, where can men go to get such good odds?

  • Depends what kind of sites. Sites full of young or immature guys, you get too many too go through.


What Guys Said 3

  • Think about what you just said. We send many and receive few.

    What guys aren't realizing is that we're the fishers and they're the fish. The reason they get the most attention, they get the most care and love is because we give it and they receive. If you're lucky enough to find someone who loves you and doesn't care what you give, then kudos.
    Otherwise you have to go out and get the woman. It doesn't happen like the movies where the guy meets the girl and you fall in love

  • I have no idea what you are talking about, getting messaged by someone on a dating site never happens for me. Most of the time I message them and it gets deleted, so I say fuck online dating.

    • That is the point of this question. Guys send tons of messages and get little to no response. Women get apparently 10s or hundreds of messages.

  • I mean on the other end of Blinkeh, the whole ordeal behind all of this is ofcourse tha the standard is way higher for women then for men on these sites. Men would never bother, because they're being bombarded by these poor people who look like sea creatures. So they're never going to find a man of their caliber, because he's staying as far away as possible from these horrible experiences.