Why are there so few girls with these qualities?

Why are there so few girls with these qualities:

-Doesn't wait for the guy to be the one to initiate physical affection (initiating kissing, initiating hugging, initiating cuddling etc…)
-Doesn't expect the guy to do absolutely everything (planning dates, calling, texting first instead of waiting for the guy to text
-Doesn't wait for the guy to be the one to say "I love you." Doesn't only say "i love you too" she actually tells him she loves him.
-Actually takes initiative

They say they do these things because it makes them feel wanted when the guy initiates everything. But then they make the guy feel unwanted because of their selfishness because they never show affection to their boyfriends and they never show that they actually want to be with their boyfriends.

Is there such a thing as a girl who has these qualities or am I stuck dating selfish women who only think about what they can get from their boyfriend rather than what they can do for their boyfriends


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Oh this one is actually what I've asked a lot of my family members, my brother, my friends, basically everyone. I'm a girl obviously, and also ask myself why a guy should be first at this and that, and truthfully I hate it when girls say that the guy should do things first. Honestly if someone likes someone they need to show it bc for the other person it's gonna come off as friendly and leave them confused as they are bc some can't tell the difference. My ex best friend used to tell me "I want to meet a guy when he's rude, that way I know that side and the fake side is the nice side." I would always look at her as if she fell on her head because basically she wants a guy to treat her like trash. Which I found out that she's the one that treats guys like that. She always said "guys should text first" and whatnot. I don't get it though, maybe I spend far too much with my own guy friends or idk, but I'm always telling girls that they shouldn't wait for a guy to text them first, or to be the second to do things for the guy. I know girls want the guy to 'man up' and say it or do it all first, but sometimes the guy is too shy or doesn't want to even have or get those feelings so they just leave it as it is.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Some girls are extroverted and some girls are introverted. Some girls are confident some girls are not. Some girls are proud some girls are humble. It depends on the girl, I don't know why you have to make it a problem concerning you. On top of that, nobody has to do anything they are not comfortable with. I think since most men are uncomfortable with taking their wife's last name instead of the traditional men's last name is taken then most men can't complain. That above scenario would only happen in a gender equal world but it's not a gender equal world so get over it already. Please.

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    • But are most girls like I have described

    • No, every girl is a unique individual. There could be similarities between some, sure, but even the root causes are going to different for cettain behavior. There are only so many emotions humans can express. Though, some girls like to act like everybody else because they don't have the courage to not act like they are part of the hive mind.
      Given that, what you're referring to is cultural because this is not a personality problem it's not even a problem its a biological and thus a cultural norm.

  • I've tried initiating things like that and the guy didn't want to date me anymore because he thought I was too forward.

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  • I was like this in the beginning of most relationships. Then when the relationship wasn't so 'new' I became more comfortable and hence more forward: initiating the calls, making plans, saying i love you first, etc. The 'work' in the relationship was more balanced as time went on. For me it's just easier to be more forward with someone I've known for a while.

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  • There still are girls who do this but sometimes guys think she is desperate, too forward, too pushy with these actions and is made feel bad about it.

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  • I used to be exactly like that but certain things that happened to me made me really shy so I don't do any of that anymore.

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  • Woah I thought girls did all of those more, I know I definitely do!

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  • This is typical stuff that should be expected in a relationship. There are three reasons she could be doing this and they are 1) She's inexperienced in the relationship department, 2) she's nervous or scared which may be expected in the beginning of a relationship depending on her personality, and 3) she is being a selfish greedy woman who just needs to be loved. Some girls think its cute when the guy does it first but i can assure you not every girl is like this. For example, i initiated my first kiss and in my entire first relationship i was initiating everything and giving all of me and m boyfriend didn't give me jack shit and in fact i was called many names by our peers like desperate, a terrible girlfriend, among other things id rather not get into riht now all because he wouldn't show me affection back. If you knew me, typically i am not an affectionate person unless its towards, animals, children, or to my boyfriend. It got to a point where our relationship was just a title and it didn't even feel like we were a couple anymore, and i became completely unaffectionate (if that is even a word) to the point i would squirm whenever i hugged him or held his hand. When i would try to cuddle with him i was tense and it felt forced. We had to break it off but now with m current boyfriend, its clear we both share love and affection equally. We both initiate kisses and hugs and gifts and we have been together for a year and the only fights we have are who loves the other more! (and about chocolate but thats besides the point...) Honestly tell her how its making ou feel and if she still doesn't give a fuck then find someone who does give a fuck.

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  • I think you're just looking at the wrong type of women honestly. The qualities you are looking for should be basic relationship stuff. Maybe if it's in the early stages of the relationship she's just nervous.

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  • It could be the women you end up dating. There's quite a few girls I know who have all the characteristics you have. I for one initiates conversations with my boyfriend, I make the plans with him, I told him I love him before he told me. I do most of the planning and I don't expect him to do anything. His friends laugh at him about how I'm taking his role as "the man" between him and me. He's sometimes ashamed of it but he knows that he won't find another girl exactly like me, so he sucks it up, and deals with it. But honestly, it depends on the girls you choose to keep in your life.

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    • Are most girls like I have described though? Waiting for the guy to initiate everything

    • It depends on the girls you have kept around. About half half on the ones I have met. So it really depends on the ones you keep in your life.

  • Sometimes it depends on the way you were raised. The last person I was with, who's still a friend, I left the actual initiation of sex up to him. Not that I didn't initiate the talk up till then. Depending on the moment decided the initiator. I definitely had my aggression moments.

    I've always left most of the communication up to him, he texts first 99% of the time. It's also a matter of him waking before me.

    I can't say I've never not told someone I love them first.

    I'm older than you and probably was less aggressive when younger. But I think those girls are out there.

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    • Are most like I have described though?

    • I know some who are both ways. I guess it also depends if you're in a relationship or someone you're interested in. For example I had a guy recently appear to be very interested, we had mutual friends. He added me on fb, I messaged him, tried to show I was interested without being too forward, but then he really didn't initiate so I backed off, mainly for fear of rejection. So yeah that time I was glad I didn't initiate if he's not interested. I know he's shy so I'm still feeling out this situation.

  • I don't know if there's such a thing as a girl who has those normal basic human qualities. Ask your mom maybe, she's a girl, she might know.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Interest is value-functional and that behaviour you described is how value is bestowed. Sometimes it works just like in the stock market, ups and downs.

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    • Lol can you explain that I dont understand

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    • actually they do not 'put' values on objects but the objects have values relating to their power and power exist. putting values is only a reaction to the action and influence of things on one. and no I disagree your value on someone is what makes them like you if the value here is something subjective and made by you. but it is true if we consider the value the reaction to the power of that special someone and your value on him or her the sign of your submission to the power.

    • Yawn... You have to first define power because I don't know what you're bringing into this. I'm making it simple for the guy to read, I don't to write another argumentative essay, so please just answer his post but stay out of mine.

  • I think it might be the women you're dating. Good relationships need investment from both people and it sounds like the women you're dating aren't investing at all in your relationships.

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    • Is this unusual in your experience?

    • Yes. It sounds like the girls you're dating are literally show no affection back to you.

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