I've started dating this girl who has her drivers license and a car. I myself have neither. She picks me up and drives me around when we go out, but I've been told by other girls that this can have an emasculating effect on me. She's never expressed any problems about it but I am nervous anyways. Am I just being paranoid or is this actually a problem? And if it is, do you have any suggestions as to how I could fix it?
Most Helpful Girl
People who view that as emasculating piss me off because I had a really hard time getting and keeping a license when I was a kid, because I'm an epileptic and you have to be six months seizure-free in order to have a license or learners permit. So I had to let people who were younger than me drive me around, and I've always had to rely on walking or biking our pathetically mediocre public transportation or the kindness of strangers to get me to and from work and school.
Hell, even my little brother got his license literally two days after I got mine, and my parents told me I had to take turns driving with him when we went to and from school, without considering that in high school he was a controlling, self-involved condescending dickhead who feels no compulsion to share. So it took me a looooong time to really learn to drive. Even longer for my family to acknowledge that I'm a good driver.
So this is why I'm extra-sensitive to that "women are bad drivers" stereotype and really want to hit anyone who suggests that driving is for men, and being a passenger is for women.
To this day, I still don't know how to drive a stick shift and yet my parents keep buying stick shift cars, which they automatically taught my brother to drive. Having to rely on other people for something as basic as transportation makes me feel like I have no personal agency, like I'm about as consequential as a sack of groceries. I know it shouldn't because then WTF does that mean for permanently handicapped people who will never be able to drive. . .
Long story short, I can relate, kind of. And there's no logical reason to let it bother either of you. You're in a partnership that requires equal give and take. If you can't get a license, it's not your fault that she's doing all the driving. Do more for her in return if you WANT to, but not because you feel obligated. Oh, and pitching in gas money would probably be appreciated.1