Am I too unattractive to succeed on online dating?

I'm aware that men outnumber women massively on these sites, and that a larger proportion of the men are actually looking to meet someone, making it very competitive with basically 5+ men for each woman.

I'm currently at 243 messages out with no dates. I've had around 30 replies, 12 women agree to meet, 9 of which gave me there numbers, 0 of which actually met me (lots of girls go on there because they want attention rather than to actually meet someone). I've not received any messages from women actually wanting to meet me.

Also my standards are not high, I only refuse to message about 1/20 of the girls on there, and that's usually because they are single mums or extremely overweight.

This is me s1285.photobucket.com/.../ASOIAF?sort=3&page=1
Password is qwerty

Currently using pictures 4, 8 and 10. Counting horizontally from left to right, starting on the top row.

Am I good enough looking to realistically have a chance of meeting someone online? Or will I just be out competed by better looking men? Should I switch to different pictures?

I'm not asking if I'm ugly. I don't think I'm ugly. Don't reply saying "you're not ugly". That isn't what I'm asking. Its more am I in the top 20-25% of men who actually have a realistic chance online?

INB4 its not all about looks. You are right. However looks play a big role. I accept if I was the 5th best looking man out of 50 who messaged a girl but had the right profile/messages she might go for it over the better looking guys. However if I'm the 30th best looking man out of 50 that message her that week I likely don't have a chance regardless of everything else. So looks matter a great deal.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm surprised you haven't really had much success. I don't use online dating anymore, but I used to all the time. I stopped just because I have social anxiety and so I basically ruined my chances with dates because of that. Anyway, if a guy like you messaged me I would be happy but I would also feel intimidated because I think you'd be out of my league. I am a very unattractive woman. I usually responded to every message I got unless they were ridiculous messages like: "Hi, lets hook up tonight..." or something like that.

    I don't have high standards when it comes to dating. The thing is with my social anxiety and the fact I am unattractive, I wouldn't feel that I am worthy of your attention, even if we got along great. So I might message you at first because I don't like ignoring messages from anyone who took the time to write me. The problem is, it probably won't go further than us messaging each other. I'm not saying ALL women, but there could be SOME women on there who feel insecure like me as well, and that could have been there reason.

    When I did meet men offline, it was only the ones I believed were in my league and even then I would be a nervous wreck, which is the reason I stopped using it. I was wasting both my time and the guys time. Most of the time I ignore average to above average guys offline and online because I believe I am too ugly for any of them. I stay within my own league. Although of course that doesn't always work, most want better looking women.

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    • I'm not saying any of this isn't true, but it can't be the reason for my lack of success. If I was good enough looking that unattractive girls were intimidated, then I'd surely be good enough looking that average girls would find me attractive. I must be in someones league.

    • That's why I said some, not all. I was just telling you my experience with online dating. I never once said that all women do that to you.

    • Fair enough.

What Girls Said 6

  • You already asked about your attractiveness and I see its still troubling you. Make a dating profile and see what happens. Online dating can be just as frustrating as real life... so dont think it will be easier. there's is also a mobile app called "Tinder". You can try if you haven't already.

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    • I have a dating profile. Read the question.

      I don't have a smartphone and Tinder is even more competitive between men and even more based on looks.

  • Honestly is seems people online care more about personality.
    I feel like average people get deemed as very attractive online because it seems fishy that 90% of people online say I'm pretty and in RL guys never try to date me. My crushes even called me ugly straight to my face... Maybe people online have low standards or are just nice

    Sorry I didn't look at your photo yet

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    • What? If people online have low standards then surely I'd be getting dates easily?

      Unless you think I'm really fucking ugly or something.

      Oh and online is more about looks than anywhere else, mostly because you can't really get a feel for anyone's personality by reading a self written bio.

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    • The term obese implies far more than a few pounds need to be lost.

    • Lmao nah I just think there's more to love ;)

  • Well I think that you're a good looking guy. I say start by making more friends, guys or gals doesn't matter. How did you make your friends now? It's easier to start a relationship after being friends with others and not wanting to jump into a relationship right away because if you make more guy friends it opens more windows to various other people. What happened to the nine girls that gave their number to you? No luck?

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    • My current friends are some of the people I was friends with at school. How exactly am I supposed to make friends?

      I completely disagree about it easier to have a relationship with someone you are friends with. If a girl is just friends with me it means she isn't attracted to me, why the fuck would she want to have sex with me?

      And its 13 now, they aren't even interested, just wasting my time.

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    • Instead of rushing to meet, take the time to converse more via text or phone. Flirt a bit more with the gals so that when it comes time to making plans to meet, they are more comfortable with the idea and less likely to flake.

    • This isn't rushing to meet. I have already spoke to them on the site and they have already agreed to the idea of meeting, or I wouldn't have their phone number.

  • I don't have any experience with online dating and I'd always suggest going out and meeting new people, but I don't think you're unattractive.

    I like picture #4, and only that one because I honestly think it's a nice picture.

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    • What does going out and meeting new people actually mean? Its just something people say that has zero practical application. I need to know where and how.

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    • You're in a pretty bad ditch there then. :|

    • Really? I hadn't noticed.

  • Hey, don't be so hard on yourself! You're definitely attractive - you're very cute, a ton cuter than a lot of the guys I see having "success" on those sites! No lie, I am legitimately surprised that you're not having success. I think part of online dating is all about timing - when you message people, what time of their life they're in, ect. Maybe your time just hasn't matched up with anybody yet. :( Are you trying multiple sites, or just one? It could also be the site you're using! Join everywhere! I have no doubts that you'll find someone soon, so you seem very sweet and down-to-earth personality-wise, and your looks are no issue!

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    • This is obviously not true else I would be having success. Its like saying to someone who comes last in a race that they were the fastest runner throughout the entire race - obviously they weren't.

      I'm only on one site as its the only one that has a reasonable number of people where I live and close to my age.

  • Honestly, I have a feeling the girls on there are looking for high standards which most probably would never happen. You're not unattractive. I'd suggest you just go out to your local pub and look up a decent looking girl at the bar or you can always look up a decent looking girl with a cool bio online.

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    • If I could get a girlfriend in real life I wouldn't be using online dating.

      And what do you mean look up a decent girl with a cool bio online?

    • Why should there be anything stopping you from finding a girl in person? You know, a decent looking, girlfriend- material girl. Not the ones that look like they put in too much effort in their pictures. They're probably fake and not looking for a serious relationship. Also, I meant by a bio that catches your eye and makes her interesting.

    • As I said I'm not picky about who I message, so I'm already messaging girls who put a lot of effort into their bio but little into their pictures. The only women on there that I don't message are very obese or single mums.

What Guys Said 6

  • ha i remember you!

    alfonso right?

    anyway, you're fine when it comes to looks man.

    i may say go with picture 5?

    Don't feel too down. I have dating profiles on pof and okcupid with my current gag pic as my main and i never get messaged either.

    I don't really go on them other than to check to see if I've had any visitors, so i haven't sent out many messages.

    I've sent a handful of messages out, and i admit I've gotten a couple replies, but nothing more than one or two more exchanges.

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    • Yeah, it is quite a common issue for men on there.

  • Aww man :( I know there's a lot of ego-pushing going on on that site in rate-me topics, but trust me, even as a guy, you look good to me.. I don't get why you got so many rejects. That's really coming from the heart: you don't look as bad as you think. And you sound nice. That's why I HIGHLY recommend you to go and meet women outsides, not on dating sites.. Maybe your texts are to "desperate" or whatever, I don't know. But you totally would be competitive outside if you'd just step up and introduce you to a girl.
    TRUST me: NO ONE if not acting filthy&creepy is going to get 250/250 rejects out there. You just have to overcome your fears. That's not easy, but there are also many people who could help you.

    I'd change 8&10 into 9&11, but that's just a detail.

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    • Ah I've seen your question about "what does going out and meet... mean?". Where and how:
      Some random examples that just need guts.
      1) Public transport. Cute girl sitting near you? Talk to her. (Once I asked her where she'd travel, and it actually ended being a backpack with ALL her belongings and she was on the way to teach some circus gymnasts.. Sandtrap lol. But it turned out well and we talked a bit and I got a number.. <- living proof that you don't have to make her wet with your first line lol.)
      2) Start dancing. That's my best advice. There's a huge overflow on women in dance classes. And most are nice and willing to meet up for a coffee afterwards. (Ask not only 1, but gather a group, or join one)
      3) You study? In the university at lunch break, sit near a girl, talk to her.
      4-100)...

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    • I'm not good enough looking for that.

      And I'd rather find a girlfriend.

    • Man, never make yourself smaller! Never. That's a big step in the wrong direction..
      I feel you :/.. Message me if you want, maybe we'll figure something out.

  • At least you've gotten 30 replies from women and all that good stuff. When I was on couple of different online dating sites 4 years ago, not one girl replied back to me. I was on for few months and tried really hard but couldn't attract one girl so I gave up. You're fine.

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    • The problem is I'm not looking for online conversations. I'm actually no closer to getting a girlfriend than you were.

    • You're still getting girls who are agreeing to meet you.

    • But they aren't actually meeting me, so what is it worth?

  • Dude, you just convinced me that I'll never make it in the online dating world. If you aren't getting hits, then I don't know what it takes.

    But honestly, does anyone really "succeed" in online dating?

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    • For what it's worth, I met my girlfriend on a Catholic dating site (not free). We've been together now for almost 10 months, so it's possible, but it takes time, patience, and maybe a bit of luck (as in my case).

  • Women online just want attention mate. You stand like a 0.000001% chance of meeting a life partner.

    You'd be better off going to local meet clubs for single people. You'll actually have a fun instead of sat taking crap from people that are self absorbed.

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  • Yes you have a chance just take better pictures have a friend take one of you using a good a camera

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    • Better pictures like what?

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    • My point is on a good quality picture of my face she wouldn't have to zoom in to notice. It will be very visible.

    • its not as bad as you think is my point dont worry about it

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