How do you see a positive point in dating when women have sooo many choices in men?

Every time I develop a spark for a girl and want to ask her out, a voice in my head reminds me how I'm probably guy #7 approaching her this week and how it's a waste of time (that voice is right every time)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • just go ahead and ask her out. just because a girl is pretty or nice or whatever doesn't mean she has guys lining up to ask her out. to get asked out she has to be out in social situations... with guys. and maybe she works a lot and stays home a lot and that situation where you meet this girl is like the only time she is ever around guys. plus, if every guy has the same attitude as you, no one is approaching her at all because they think someone already has (i think it is the same concept as "diffusion of responsibility" or "bystander effect" where when there is a bunch of people around when something bad happens, they assume that since there is so many people there has got to be someone who will stop to help... but everyone thinks this and no one helps). so you might be the first to ask her out :)

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    • Realistically no, all the attractive girls who are at least somewhat social always say they get approached and hit on online and offline

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    • you're going to keep hearing it because you're stubborn. I've been on this site for a couple years now and I recognize you... you've been here for a while too (under different usernames) and the entire time you've had the same outlook. I don't like sounding mean but you're very negative, depressing, and stubborn. you're not unattractive which is really good and I've never hung out with you in person but if you're anything like how you are on this site, i wouldn't want want to spend time with you. People like other people that they can laugh and have a good time with. they don't want to leave hanging out with you feeling irritated or down on life. people keep giving you the same advice over and over again because there is truth in it and the reason that its not "working" is because you're not changing your perspective or attitude

    • I am, and I have changed my attitude and perspective. It didn't make a difference.

What Girls Said 8

  • There are plenty of women who don't get approached by men.

    -The women that men find attractive and automatically assume they are taken.
    -The women who blend into their surroundings because they are "plain"
    -The women that aren't stereotypically defined as attractive by popular social expectations.
    -Women with physical abnormalities.

    To pretend that these women don't exist/or are in few numbers is blatant denial and offensive/dismissive. There are plenty of people who go unnoticed in this society,

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  • Right I'm going to use a personal story here:

    I had a crush on this guy for about a year and despite me thinking he liked me he never asked me out. Eventually I got tired of waiting and moved on. A couple years later I spoke to him and I asked him why he never asked me out and he said he never thought he had a chance. I was totally confused and he said he thought loads of guys were probably after me so there was no point.

    This really annoyed me because who knows what might have happened. Yes maybe you are the 7th guy to approach this week but maybe your the one they notice.

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    • Not a chance, objectively I'm not what a girl looks for in a guy physically, then you add in mentally and its even more vague

    • There is always a chance. Women are crazy creatures.

  • Yeah, you might be guy #7 approaching her this week, but the other 6 guys sucked at it. Many guys don't know how to approach girls so she might be disappointed by the other ones. And I'm not talking about high standards here. Some guys make it real creepy.
    It's not about how many times you get approached, but about how you get approached.

    So learn to be good at it and you'll have no problem.

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  • 7 guys a week? Lol, no. Maybe a few if you're going out and those are most of the time douchebags who look for a one-night stand. You have to stand out if you want to be picked out and make sure you choose out the good kind of girls. Goodluck

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  • The way is dating set up is:

    The top 10 percenters grab all the chicks

    Now we live in an age of monogamy that allows a chick for every guy.

    Sure, women have more options than dudes do but all it means is that guys have to work harder.

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  • I am feeling this too... like what makes two strangers want to be together? There are so many choices...

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  • Not all of them do. The smart ones, pretty ones and fit ones do but not everybody is smart, fit and hot. I know tons of girls who never get attention from guys.

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  • HAHAHAHAHAHA

    Not every girl has 7 guys approaching her in a week. Guys hardly approach me at all. I've only been on a few dates in the past few months and they were all with guys I had known previously (from school, etc.)

    If you have a negative, bitter attitude then no one will want to date you. So try thinking positively. It takes a long time to find "the one," and everyone has to deal with rejection. So if you understand that it might not work out, it won't seem like a huge deal. And then when you think of it more casually, you will be calmer when you actually meet the girl, and therefore more likely to give off a good vibe.
    Plus, the more you practice asking girls out, the better you'll get at it. Trust me, when I first started approaching guys, I was horrible at it and got rejected. But once I asked out more guys it felt more natural and I learned what to do/say and I got some guys to say yes!

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    • Approaching as a girl is not the same as approaching as a guy.

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    • I wasn't asking for advice, reread the title of the question.
      Girls view guys as numbers thats just the way it is, you can sugarcoat it and walk around the outskirts of the idea but that doesn't change it.

    • ... except I don't view guys as numbers. so your argument is invalid. stop trying to make generalizations about women. like i said, being bitter won't get you anywhere.

What Guys Said 7

  • All too often, that voice you hear in your head each time you want to ask a girl out on a date is called insecurity, or should I say, low self-worth. Comparatively speaking, you simply feel inadequate and less desirable.

    Your negative outlook on dating is systematically self-defeating. It's self-sabotaging and incarcerating, which lowers your confidence, which adversely impacts the manner in which you project yourself to women. And that, my friend, has little to do with women or their options, but instead has more to with your critical self-perception and your favorable perception of others.

    Having said that, I'm not so sure that beating out other chaps to when the favor of a date will greatly improve or resolve your issues. Sure, you will be happier, at least somewhat. But, you will likely have insecurities when other guys take interest in your date, especially if they present a formidable challenge. Oh, and, if she is attractive, you will be challenged.

    Therefor, I simply suggest that you work on improving your self-esteem prior to dating exclusively. Set and achieve goals for yourself. Exercise and/or become an active member of your local gym, if you haven't already. Thus, your self-perception and mentality will improve and, as a result, so too will your chances with women.

    And with that,

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    • bzzt. Wrong. You must be new here.

      I spent 2 years in the gym, had a pretty nice body, not amazing but visibly fit. I even gained a ton of confidence from it, but guess what, 0 girls attracted. I was at the peak of my attractiveness physical and mental, and still 0.

    • No dude, I'm not new here, nor am I wrong. Did you not read the part that stated, "if you haven't already," after I suggested that you join a gym. In any event, I was a mere attempt to suggest activities to help you improve your confidence, which, by you your own admission, joining a gym did for you. Also, being at the peak of your attraction level does not mean that there weren't major flaws in your approach or how you came across to women.

  • By your logic nobody should ever ask out a girl, even the guy who's #1 in line.

    What's more, do you always prefer things solely based on the order by which you come across them? When you're looking to order something at a restaurant, do you prefer the food choices based on which ones you see first?

    No, you have standards for what you like, and you go based off those standards, not some arbitrary order of presentation.

    Besides, rejection isn't that bad, especially if you believe it's simply because you were too late. So what do you really have to lose by trying anyway?

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    • The point of the magic number 7 here is, that in those 7 or 10 guys, there's statistically bound to be a guy thats better than me in every way, and she will choose him, not me.

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    • Except that you don't get to be mopey and jaded about it while you're trying to ask women out ("a voice in my head reminds me how I'm probably guy #7 approaching her this week and how it's a waste of time") and still get dates. It comes across super easily and it's completely unattractive.

      Anyway, I'm done. Think what you will about life and dating, it's your life and ultimately your choice if you want to give up. GG.

    • lol you're assuming that if and when I actually do approach women I do it in a negative mindset? Nope

      And see ya, I'm sorry regurgitated "advice" doesn't work all the time

  • Your position in line doesn't matter, only the position in which she puts you... aim for number 1 and make the rest irrelevant. And I hardly call seeking love a waste of time... in the end what else you do have but the relationships you've built with others and the memories that go along with them?

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    • lol I'll never be number 1 for a girl, just based off the math of it alone. Not unless I aim really low.

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    • I have applied myself lol
      whats your definition of apply yourself?

    • Taking the things you care about and applying them in a constructive way that furthers your position in life. Rather then doing this, you've settled into complacency, which by the way is where you fall short with women, at least in my opinion.

  • Every girl is different, and sure you might be guy #7 approaching her but you might just be the guy she's actually waiting for, you never know until you actually ask. If she rejects you, so what, just move on and eventually you'll find a girl who says yes. It won't be predictable, you won't see it coming, you won't expect it, but it will happen if you persist. Whether you're interested in them or not, I guarantee that there are at least a few girls you met in the past who would have said yes if you asked them out.

    Remember, if you approach then there's a chance you will get rejected, in which case its her loss. If you never approach a girl, you automatically reject yourself for her in which case it's your loss.

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  • Pry , that's why sensible people abandon traditional datng and try to meet others in more natural setttinclubs r tose with common interests, or wherever there are Frenchwomen.

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  • Cyrus7V2, I'm with you there. I have the same thoughts going through my head. I've stopped asking women out because it really makes a lot of sense.
    Women are the ones chased, while men do the chasing. Chances are that the woman I'm attracted to gets approached, or hit on, by men quite a lot.

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  • no point. i stopped trying

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    • only emotionally abused men seek validation from woman

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