Is it wrong of me as an athiest to date a Christian girl even though I know I couldn't ever marry her? Not for sex just happiness?

So I've realized that over my lifetime I have a strong desire to date very Christian girls. They always seem so happy and cheerful and supportive and I adore it. The only problem is I'm athiest and not like your average Internet reddit born athiest I'm a biologist with a heavy interest in psychology and for those of you who don't know those are the two professions with the highest percentage of agnostics and athiest and there's a reason for that. It's not that I don't believe it's that I can't. Someone can lay it out in front of me and I'm naturally just going to see a flaw and I can't help but pick at it. I can admit that anything is possible and I honestly don't know but I can't force myself into believing in a religion. I know I could never marry a Christian girl (and I mean the heavy mission trip with your youth group no takin my clothes of till she sees a ring kinda girl) so would it be wrong of me to date someone like this for a short period of time just so I can enjoy the type of care they tend to shovel out even though I know eventually I would have to end it or accidentally destroy her view of religion.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You'd be dishonest if you lie to this girl in any way. Answer any questions she has. Ask her questions.
    As long as you tell her your intentions and give her the opportunity to make a choice while knowing all the facts, then you have done the right thing.

    Do yourself a favor. So you can understand HER better, I strongly recommend you read C. S. Lewis' books. Start with The Problem of Pain, Mere Christianity and A Grief Observed.

    Let me ask you a question though. Do you ever plan to get married? If so, then what kind of woman do you plan to spend the rest of your life with? If you, one day will be happy enough to spend your life with that kind of woman one day, why wouldn't you be happy to start spending your life with them now?

    Why would you waste time being with a woman who can't make you happy forever if you believe that there is a woman out there who can make you happy forever?

    Do you plan that your tastes in women will suddenly change, and some other kind of non-Christian woman will walk into your life and make you happier than a Christian woman like your girlfriend? Or do you plan to never get married? In which case, would you be perfectly happy by yourself? If so, then why take the risk of hurting someone else?

    As I said: read those books. It may help you to come to terms with what actually makes you happy versus what you think will make you happy.

    In the mean time, be honest with your girlfriend. That's perfectly fair. Also, don't be so naive to think that some slip of your tongue will make her question her whole philosophy. Christians, real Christians who have earnestly struggled with these questions and investigated their faith versus all other options, have heard everything you have to say and more against it. They have already researched and thought through all the topics you have to say and more, but still see God. They could not stop seeing if they tried, because they have tried. Rare, but they exist. I'm one.

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What Girls Said 11

  • ok, one thing for sure, a girl who believes in religious isn't 'destroying' her mind to a non-Christian life. It's the opposite thing tbh, they get angry, and you don't want to mess with their beliefs.

    Second of all it wouldn't work out, she'll want to convert you.

    Third of all it's possible that you might meet the one and actually want to convert, seeing from how you desire to date them mostly.

    Tbh I never let religion take control bc that's a personal espect from my own life, but if I were too deep in the whole relationship thing then I'd say that I am religious, but only bc it's my belief, and I don't care if the other accepts it or not, but as long as they respect it. But yeah, that's all I have to say, so good luck!

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  • Religion shouldn't make a difference, if you really care about her you won't want to "destroy her view of religion" you'll just let her get on with it and do her thing and she'll do the same for you. If down the road yous are in love and want to spend the rest of your lives together but you don't want to get married then it doesn't matter, marriage after all is just a piece of paper. If you want to keep it simple just have a Civil Marriage Ceremony in a registry office, just signing the papers and no big fuss

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    • It's not a matter of wanting to destroy her religion something's will inevitably cause issues that will most likely lead to that. I don't actively go out with intentions to destroy other people's religion but some of the views I hold about the world directly contradict many religions.

    • Well if you know it will cause problems and not end well then why get mixed up with a girls if her beliefs in the first place? Find someone with the same beliefs as yourself it makes a lot more sense

  • You may think you're very open minded, but stating that you definitely would never marry a religious girl is shutting yourself off from people for no reason. Love really does triumph over all I believe, and you can't help who you fall in love with. If you really love someone it won't matter because you will already love them exactly as they are. Not every Christian wants to convert everyone and I know plenty who are happily married to non-christians.

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  • Scientists do believe in God. I'm a Christian-agnostic and am doing a science degree, but logics doesn't match up to the heart's desire. Don't be judgemental, if you both like it other go for it, you both should have an understanding of each other views, compliment each other not change.

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    • Some scientist believe in god. But it's about a 75% chance in biology and psychology that they won't. And that's me low balling it. There's studies out there on it. I was also a Christian when I started studying biology that's why I know I really like Christian girls. But that's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid that by just being me she will end up changing or worse end up hurt.

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    • What does this have to do with respect?

    • Fight! fight! :)

  • You can't predict what might happen in future but anyway, you should still go out if you both like each other alot. Differences shouldn't come in until its time to get serious. You're still young. Go out and enjoy each others company.

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  • If you think you can't coexist with two different beliefs, yes it;s wrong. If you clearly know she wants to get married and things of you as more of a long term thin. I mean what would make you think it's ok to play with someones feelings like that?

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    • I'm not playing. In my idea of the world all relationships end eventually it's just a matter of time so focusing on the outcome of the relationship isn't as important as loving a person for who they are in that moment since they very well may be gone tomorrow. I don't play with anyone's emotions but I understand why someone could see things that way.

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    • Why does a relationship have to end in wedding vows for it to be important? Why can't I love a person for who they are today without placing expectations of a future that I can't even predict that I'll be alive for on them?

    • Well I'm not saying it can't, just not for me and especially if she is christian probably not for most girls.
      One of my life goals is to get married and have children, so if you know that, it's not fair of you to string me along, if you clearly know we don't want the same things in the future

      The least you can do is being honest about what you want

  • No it not wrong who know she could be able to help u get through it never impossible to change she could be the one who changes u good luck

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  • Well. To some Christians it doesn't matter. But n the bible it says to date people with the same beliefs as you.
    But you're not religious and I respect that.
    Maybe you should tell her how you feel.

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  • Do whatever you want, bro. you could totally marry a christian girl. im religious, but i never speak of it, and it never gets in the way of my social life.

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  • it's not wrong but you probably won't even get close to marrying her if she's christian to the bone.

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  • If I were you i'd just be completely honest with her from the beginning and make sure she knows what you believe. Then if she wants to date you its her choice, but if you're not planning to marry her i'd be careful how long you date her. She might expect that if you keep it going for years... and you don't sound like you want to hurt her so I guess just be careful.

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What Guys Said 7

  • I feel that if she truly loves you. As a Christian, she would marry you outside of the church. Because as a Christian and someone so spirited like you say. I would hope that she would not let religion hold her back from enjoying life and making herself happy in what she would see as "god's gift".

    I am also atheist and if I really really couldn't go without marrying this girl, I would "convert" and marry in the church just to be able to marry her. I know I would never truly be able to believe but it's the effort of trying to believe that would count for her.

    If you don't want to commit and you want to just have a relationship for now like you said. I don't see anything wrong with it as long as you don't lead her on and make her expect that you want to marry her if you really don't. Make sure she is aware that you aren't interested in the commitment.

    To me. The fact that this is an issue so often in today's world is so saddening. If you believe in god you should be one to believe that love is one of the greatest gifts that this god could have given you and you should enjoy it with whole heart And as an atheist or agnostic you should also see it as something great too. That you have this connection with someone else. And what's holding you back is simply one belief If both beliefs are pro love. Then why should they be anti love when they mix. It makes no sense.

    Just sounded like a hippy. But that's my view on it

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  • I can understand the desire to have a preference for Christian girls so i'll try to help. You stated agostic within the same relatio of atheism, the two are very differetn beliefs. agosticism is't shackled by an atheist interpretive lens/worldview that the atheist has to follow. I don't think you should take a very simplistic approach, I mean if you are a biologist you'd be aware that atheists never involved within science as a whole until the last 100 years only when science became something of monetary value. The founders of modern science were Christian, the founder of genetics was a Catholic priest Gregor Mendel, the founder of evolution was by a priest Fr Jean baptiste Lamarck known as Lemarckism whom darwin frequently quoted. Not to mention arguably the most well respected biologist today, Ken Miller is a devout believer and nobel prize winner.

    A naturalic materialist worldview and a scientism (not science) belief doesn't really apply to the topic. Taking a reductionist approach to knowledge won't help so if you maintain reductionism ( something that physics has rather recently disproven as a belief) then of course you'd not udnerstand. I have no idea what type of belief she holds, whether its the mainstream Christian belief in old age earth that was enforced throughout the centuries, notably through st augustine in the first centuries. Or if she believes in the new age creatioism founded on the dover trails in the USA in the 1960's with a following from Ken Ham.

    Perhaps, not applying a reductionist and simplistic approach to knowledge and concluded that her belief is wrong before you have any rational basis to assume. As Darwin asserted that oen cannot rationally hold a naturalistic worldview if one believes in reaso and evolution.

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  • Hey man, I was in the same situation as you. I was a bit of a confused Christian and I find myself slowly leaning toward agnostic. I was interested in an Arabic girl who was a Muslim. She herself wasn't too strict on the religion, but she adhered to many of their food customs. However, the problem was that her parents were like super Muslims. They prayed on their knees like 5x a day and saw non Muslims as some kinds of outcasts. I would have to switch religion to win her parents approval. I already wasNY digging Christianity too much, no way was I going to get into something strict. She was sad as she herself didn't care if I was a Muslim or not, but her parents wanted her to marry a Muslim.

    Now as long as you're not expecting it to go nowhere then date all the Christian girls you want. Their is a certain allure to their personality. They always give me confidence boosts. However one day you might get lucky and meet a Christian girl whose not super religious and whose parents wouldn't be too anal about her marrying a Christian man.

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  • If you will not marry her, then it would be wrong to date her. Playing with peoples' hearts is fucked up.

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    • And I completely understand that and that's why I'm afraid to date her. I know that many people date to marry but I don't. I date for the day to day moments of being loved by and loving another. To me dating her would be entirely genuine but I know that because marriage is not necessarily in the future it may seem to her that I'm playing with her emotions.

    • If you tell her upfront that you will end the relationship because you are against having a long lasting relationship, and she consents to go along with it, then more power to you, but if she consents to the relationship because you did not tell her upfront, then there is a very high probability that you have deceived her through a lie by omission. That would not just seem to be playing with her emotions. That actually would be playing with her emotions.

  • She could still want to marry you, without converting you to religion.
    It would make perfect sense, because atheist men are less likely to ever be unfaithful than religious men.
    It depends if you could put up with the no pre-marital sex bullshit. Even the Bible does not oppose pre-marital sex, but as we all know a lot of religious leaders frown on pre-marital sex and and brain-wash their followers.

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    • I am atheist but don't give us a bad name by making fun of other religions

    • I'm not making a joke of this; merely stating facts.
      It is a fact that atheist men are less likely to cheat on their wives.

  • Never had any luck with them,,, its starts out great but when it comes not wanting to go to church with them,,, then that usually ends it.

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  • If you are not honest and forthcoming with your intention to date her short term, then certainly, it's wrong. The omission would be deceptive. I mean, how would it not?

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