Girls: Have you ended up liking someone you didn't think you had an attraction for?

I'm going out with my best friend. At first she was very reluctant to go out with me and spend time together, but we're now on our 7th date and 1st year together. We've gotten comfortable flirting with each other, we trust each other completely, and we don't feel shy about sharing embarrassing stories about ourselves.

But she's still not attracted to me. Like she says "haha it takes more than flattery and compliments to get me to like someone else ;) but it's sweet, thank you" which is a very confusing message.
Or when I flirt with her, she flirts back, then she adds that "I don't know if it's good that I know you like me, but I know lol."
Or when I buy her gifts "Tsk tsk, guys always say they spend a lot for their girlfriends, and shall i remind you we're not even boyfriend and girlfriend yet lol. XD"
Or when I ask her out "I don't even like going out lol. On average I only hang out with each of my friends once in an entire year. But we've gone out quite a lot of times this few months, so I don't know why you'd think we haven't seen each other enough yet in recent times haha" and then she proceeds to be enthusiastically reschedule her appointments and even propose things to do.

Okay that was a lot of rambling, but how do I make her fall for me? Girls, have you ever ended up liking someone you didn't think you had an attraction for? What changed your mind?

I tried physical touch but even the slightest touch of our elbows or knees, she shirks instinctively.
She said she's too busy with school to go out for next year. I told her that's not going to stop me from trying to ask her out anyway, and she said
"Weellllll you can try, I'm not going to stop you lol" while giggling.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, I've fallen for someone I wasn't initially attracted to. Once I got to know him and enjoy his personality, I realized just how amazing of a person he was and started to notice little things like the little freckles on his nose, his smile, his curly hair, etc.

    That said, I feel like this girl is dragging you along. Unfortunately, I don't think you're dating. If she says you're not dating, then she sees the 7 dates you've been on as hang outs. It seems like she is very wispy washy with her feelings.

    There's only so much you can do to try to get her to like you. You can be kind, thoughtful and funny. Surprise her, be there for her, be your awesome self! But at the end of the day, if she's just not feeling it, there is nothing that will change her heart (or mind). In that case, it's best to look elsewhere. Good luck!

    • Thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad for your guy that you fell for him haha.

      Yea... she says we're not dating. She is somewhat adverse to me using that term. As for her feelings, did you mean that she is indecisive in her feelings or fickle with it? From what I know, her sister says she has no concept or appreciation for romantic stuff, and her best friend says she might be blunt and insensitive sometimes. So her words here might seem a little forward or frank but that's just how she is.

      Thanks for your advice! I realise I haven't really surprised her recently, and I haven't been asking on her consistently throughout the year (hence the 7 dates in 1 year). I think she wants to feel it, she's giving me the chance, we can get very high on rare occasions but then soon after she catches herself and tells me she can't feel the same way yet.

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    • Thank you. :) I'm going out with her on Sunday, I'll try what you said. :D

    • Anytime :) Hope it goes fantastically!


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What Girls Said 8

  • Geeze... i see why ur confused. Just reading what u said she said was confusing lol. I really feel like she does like you and she just playing hard to get with you. I mean you say that she flirts with you and the fact that she goes out with you a lot and you said she doesn't even like to go out that much, tells me that she's into you. she's just trying to not act like it and play flirt with you. I mean what girl isn't going to like a nice guy that she can really talk to you, is kind, likes to gives her little gifts sometimes, who she feels comfortable with, and u can be flirty with. To answer ur question, I have ended being liking someome who I didn't think i had an attraction too. What changed was that I began be friends with them and got to know them and who they are and then I liked their personality, which lead me to becoming attracted to them. :) I think u should try being playful and play hard to get, so she will come work for u more lol

    • Really? omg that would make me so happy :D Couldn't decipher her real feelings lol.

      So it's the personality that drew you in to your guy. Okay, right. I can do playful. Playing hard to get, that one is kinda harder for me haha. Because it was the fact that I was so unreservedly and persistently flirting and teasing her that she started to open up and flirt back. Trying to go all mysterious or hard to get might reset all of the progress I made. :(

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    • I see, thanks!

    • your welcome, hoped i helped you! Good luck with ur girl. :)

  • I'm dating my best friend of four years. For most of those years I had no attraction to him but when I realized that we could be good together and that he treated me right I decided to give it a shot. I think that she is just not ready to see you in that way and I think that you should back off and tell her that your cool with being friends and theirs no pressure on her. Let her come to you when she is ready. I might also add when I was dating my bf it took me two months to finally ditch the best friend image of him and we had way more than seven dates.

    • That's the thing, I think she's giving me a shot at it. She already gave me a shot at it once when she asked me out to watch the stars, but I was too dumb last time to catch on to it and rejected her. So I really can't just cool off and walk away now that she's kinda attached to me (but not attracted to me).

  • It's happened but I always regret and wish I went with my first instinct. Sounds like she just likes you as a friend. Maybe just pull back a little, see if that baits her into wanting what she can't have.

    • That sounds... kinda depressing and a mood-breaker though. :/ Maybe I'll try this pulling back thing after an extended period, because we're on an emotional high right now, we're flirting a lot and it's a mood-breaker to suddenly withdraw.

    • Yeah definitely go with the flow, just giving you an idea to help you get the girl!

  • might sound harsh but once I don't like/attracted to someone in the beginning, I tend not to attracted to them later no matter what, but it's probably just me :/

    • So those past times you tried, was there something that you thought was there but it wasn't, or was it totally out of politeness?

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    • Wow okay. That is kinda commendable in itself. +1 for sincerity and effort.

  • too long to read.. hahaha.. i think she likes you too, be persistent and sincere in pursing her but don't give her pressure and if you don't feel waiting ask her.

    • haha sorry, it does look kinda long. I will be waiting for her though. Earlier in the relationship I was pretty unsure, but now it feels like I'm close to a breakthrough with her. Thanks for your encouragement, I'll keep at it and show her my sincerity. :)

  • Yes there have been people I didn't think I would like but once I got them things change. But its only a momentary crush.

  • Honestly, no.

    Only if there was some attraction to begin with. I don't need to be smitten immediately, but I've never fallen for a guy I wasn't attracted to. I've tried and it just doesn't work for me.

    It's hard telling what she's thinking, though. Maybe you should ask her how she feels about you before putting a ton of emotional energy into it.

    • I see. Hopefully you have more luck then. :) To me, attraction is like "i think i have commonality with that person and we can probably understand each other a lot", but I feel like true attraction needs to have some kind of enamorment, craving, or lust behind it. Which she probably hasn't had yet.

      I've asked her, and she told me not to ask too much because it makes her uncomfortable, like we're rushing things or messing up the order of a relationship by confessing so early on and talking so deeply. But I do sense like she's giving me a chance to proof myself, like she also really wants to be with me but she's not feeling it yet, so that's why I'm putting so much emotional energy into it.

    • You're young... Why tie yourself down to just one person who isn't that into you? You want a special attraction, but are hoping she "gives in" without it. I think that once the joy of catching her wears off, you'd feel let down with your relationship.

      I say see her a little, but In the meantime, you can be on the lookout for someone who feels the same way you do. It's so much more natural and makes both people feel more at ease.

  • 7 dates in one year? She is probably not too serious about you. I would think that 16 dates a month would be normal for a boyfriend / girlfriend couple.

    • Yeah I do get that it's not frequent enough to be normal, but remember she said that she only goes out once a year during summer break with other people. Including her best friend (who is a mutual friend so I know).

      So in relative terms, I do go out quite a lot with her already. We spent most of our time together talking online instead.

    • I think she is playing with you. Unless she is in residency or doing something else that keeps you super busy - she is probably playing you. Let her go.

    • I don't understand why you'd think she's playing with me though? No she's not in residency, but she is pursuing her thesis. She's quite a stay-home kind of person, and she hasn't dated before either.

What Guys Said 1

  • Been there done that!

    • Well I can imagine haha.