How do I meet guys who don't want to use me for sex?

I've tried online dating, and it seems like I just attract the creeps who want sex. Same in real life, my boyfriend broke up with me two months ago and since then guys who I haven't talked to in years have messaged me asking me to hook up or send nude pictures. I'm really getting tired of this, I don't send out that sort of message and every time they ask I give them a direct no. I just really want to start dating some guys who don't just want me for sex, or even just hang out with them as friends. I'm tired of being alone. All my friends cut me off after the breakup and I've been absolutely alone for two months.

What can I do to meet people who actually want to get to know me and not just use me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Unfortunately for you, men who are willing to get to know you, and do not demand sex to remain in the relationship, are very rare.

    Many men who are religious are this way, willing to wait. There are also men who do not know God who are also willing to wait.

    But to find them... You yourself must wait. And wade through every guy who will say anything he thinks he needs to say to convince you that he is willing to wait- while he is only willing to wait until he feels your defenses are down.

    My best advice is to learn to listen to your instincts, which are the still, small voice in your soul that tells you all about a guy you are looking at. It will tell you things about him that it'd take a lifetime to know, otherwise. They are called your "gut" feelings.

    When your instincts align with your heart, THAT man will be the man who will spend the rest of his life with you.

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    • Thank you for Most Helpful. Be alert, and sober minded. Learn to listen to your instincts and set aside your heart, because your heart will deceive you.

What Guys Said 8

  • Every man approaches a woman because he ultimately wants to have sex with them. Some go about it in really crappy ways, some don't.

    What you're after is a nice guy that hides this want long enough for you to feel comfortable giving him what he wants, but you'll likely get turned off by his lack of masculinity. It's difficult and I don't know what to suggest.

    There is a misconception here that all men that want sex want to use a woman. That is not true at all. That's like saying every woman is a prude and doesn't want sex without a veil of love.

    Men are sort of reeling. If we don't put our desires across quite quickly then all of our efforts getting to know a woman gets us classified as a 'friend' or 'brother'. Well unfortunately that causes a backlash.

    You'll have to keep meeting men or flip the coin and initiate things yourself. Nothing wrong with a woman chasing and initiating. It does happen, I've experienced it. There are too many people do the same thing again and again and expecting different results. That is the definition of insanity.

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  • Sorry, but you are cute and are going to attract men who want to do something with your cuteness. To circumvent this, you could search the internet for morbidly obese women and use that as a profile pic for online dating sites. Or, create a 'guy' account and try to talk to guys who seem interesting. Don't reveal that you are a girl until they prove themselves good friends - you'll have to deal with gay guys though. You could also simply not respond to any messages, and look for 'nice' guys and initiate conversation with them. I think OKCupid has a decent searching system for this sort of purpose.

    But, I do think some perspective would be useful here: no one wants to use you. They want 'mutual use.' If you make it clear in your profile that you don't like sex, that may deter a number of guys.

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  • If that picture is you, I'd recommend hanging out at gay bars with an "I'm straight" sign on.

    Otherwise guys are going to be attracted to you. You're good looking. I know it can be a curse, but you won't have it forever. ;-)

    Seriously. Inside every straight male friend you have, is a guy that will probably jump your bones if you let him. It's the nature of the beast. We're imperfect, but most of us can take no for an answer. As long as you're clear and not snotty about saying no (say it nicely), it's no biggie. We'll be friends with you in case you change your mind some day. :-)

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  • hmm... maybe you can meet a really nice guy while taking your wonderful dog to a big park? :D but yeah you just gotta keep trying and filter through all the douche bags :P sorry!

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    • There are no big parks in my area. :P Though my dog would love that.

    • aww sorry to hear that :P I have like this one really big park in my local area and it has a lake for fishing and stuff and running and trails and a bunch of grass! but its completely covered in duck shit:P yeah there's a lot of ducks there hahaa. and why feed the ducks! too much shit everywhere :P still want my golden too *sadface*

  • Oh Canada, then stop send out the fuck me signal. Men picks it up and try their luck.
    Dress en way that don't send, I am sexy, signals, don't flirt, don't where make-up.

    If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, and quack like a duck, then it's a duck.

    So when you send out the I am available vibes, if will be picked up.

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  • There are girls that grow up looking like a one-night-stand type of girl and there are girls that grow up looking like they have girlfriend material written all over their face. You just have to work harder.

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  • You're asking the wrong question. It's like a man asking, "Where can I find a woman who wants sex and won't just use me for friendship?" Well, almost all women DO want sex. But that doesn't mean that sex is going to fall easily into a man's lap. He has to work for it.

    Likewise almost all men DO want relationships. But that doesn''t mean that a relationship is going to fall easily into a woman''s lap.

    Think about what you can offer a man that would make a committed relationship worthwhile to him. Then you'll become more successful

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  • In all honesty, it's just as hard for a man to find a woman who wants more than sex these days. I got lucky with a Catholic dating site, but if you're not religious, then it's going to be hard to find nice guys.

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