Guys who have been sent to the friend-zone... can you relate to this analogy?

So its happened a number of times where i simply dont feel the same for someone who puts their feelings out there. i bet its terrible not to be told that ur not liked back. one day i came across this analogy and it was an eye opener for me tbh...

1.bp.blogspot.com/.../Epic%2BFriend%2BZone.jpg

have a read of it. do u feel that way? or is it different?

i just thought id say, a lot of us girls always complain about getting heart broken and hurt, getting betrayed and finding it hard to love again. we feel all that while sometimes unaware that the friends we lean on for support could actually feel something for us... those guys have just as much to go through as us girls.

anyone care to share their experiences?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm just really impressed that you've made a real effort to see it from the other (guy's) point of view. Good for you.

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What Guys Said 23

  • This whole friend zone thing kind of baffles me, being myself from another era. In my day i'd hang around a chick, me having some other feelings, but eventually i'd just see it wasn't going to be a thing and go about my business, never to have contact again. It would be no different had i been thrown off a bus and left to wait the 15 mins. before the next one came along.

    The shear emotional flaccidity of guys today totally floors me. They mope and act as if they cannot replace some female, when in fact the cemeteries are chock full of women who could not be replaced.

    So i'll add to this thread a suggestion for the guys, which may also benefit the original poster.

    1) If she never let you fuck her, go find one who will.

    2) If she DID let you fuck her, thank her for the rental, and also for the loss of lease. Women are far best used as a vacation spot than a home.

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    • that second paragraph was so beautiful...<3
      this answer is fantastic. i knew i was born in the wrong generation.

    • Us old guys do have our moments. Best of luck.

  • Haha I never thought of it quite that way but now I will! It's hard being a guy in a situation like that where ya really like a girl but she either doesn't realize it or will just keep ya around for advice on other guys. My advice to anyone in a situation like that is to distance themselves (not completely alienate) in order to spend some time apart from said person and be open to meeting someone else who would be more receptive of those feelings. Then maybe try being friends with the girl from the beginning. It's not true friendship if you have the thought running in the back of your head wondering when you'll eventually get with her.

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  • Depending on the girl, it can be worse. I feel the guy shouldn't stay around if he feels "friend zoned" but he holds onto hopes built up overtime so it is tough. Like some girls go out with bad exes like the caption described and the guy "rescues" the girl over and over again and just watches her go back to the same guy. Personally I have no tolerance for girls attracted to abusive guys and will just say "stop seeing him" very harshly at this point.

    Overall I can see why a guy complains about being "friend zoned" but I am more likely to have a girl complaining about me ditching her when I see that it's not going any further than friendship if anything.

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    • i see, so you'd b the one to make it clear of ur position first, to avoid being the one who's rejected?

  • When a man says it he's considered weak or is manipulated lol. I have always learnt from these situations, they're like manure (the past), better under the ground for better growth of the trees (future), the more you dig it up, the lousier the smell :-)

    Whatever such situation that I've gone through or am going through will only make me a better person (better flowers and fruits - that's what manure does as long as it's used in the right place) :-)

    One advise even if uncalled for, if you are full of empathy be ready to face hurt and in that process hurt those who love and care for you :-)

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  • I met a girl (55) I'm 51. We hit it off right away. When I asked out the first time, we went to church. We then spent 5 hours afterwards together at her place. We made supper together. She told me she sometimes talks to another guy, he has MS and lives almost an hour away. We started seeing each other 2 -3 times a week. Before our second date, we were already holding hands in public. I learned she had been in a 30 yr. abusive marriage. She was martially raped on her wedding night. He slapped her around until she submitted to his (unusual) desires...
    She slept with an article of clothing to get her scent on it for my dog to get used to when she came to visit. I told her often I wanted to have a serious relationship with her. I had already fallen in love with her. I waited a month before I intimately kissed her. The look she gave me... I knew she loved me. She held me like never before. As I stood behind her, she placed my hand on her breast and held it there. Then she pushed her tush into my groin.
    The next afternoon we spent 6 hours together. We capped it off by slow dancing at her place to classical music for over 1/2 an hour. It seemed like only a minute or two. She was so relaxed. Then we sat, read to each other. Then with my arms around her, she closed her eyes, she was so calm, comfortable... There was a knock at the door, the other guy shows up.
    The next day she tells me good bye. She was crying profusely. She said I was over committing. No more contact.
    I waited two months, with out ANY contact. Then I sent her an email, on the advice from a girl I have known most of my life., asking how she was. She wrote back saying I broke her rule of no more contact and she would have me arrested for stalking her and file a restraining order against me if I ever did it again. It floored me. I love this girl with all my might. I was told by a counselor she needed a lot of therapy. The abuse she was given most of her life has really hurt her. I'm lost. What do I do?

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    • my god... thank u for sharing that... sad tale=/
      if i knew what u could do id tell u, but i really dont know:( despite all she's done, if you feel she still really loves you, u should try to venture into her soul and make her feel safe. there is a lot of damage there to b repaired... a lot of work for u to do, but if you think she's worth it, u have to give her that security... give her that feeling that NOTHING can ever hurt her like that again... thats all i got:(

  • Ah, this is older than the Sun, I'm not sure if it originates here but that's where I've first seen it about 10 years ago: http://bash.org/?414593

    Honestly, that's just how physical attraction works, hell even personality-based admiration. If you're attracted to someone who doesn't find you attractive mutually, then any image of hope is nothing but setting yourself up for failure. Basically, getting too attached to an unreal fantasy. If it can't work, it will not work. Wanting something that is impossible is just causing yourself pain for a prolonged period of time.

    But yeah, at least stop telling them about your relationship problems once you've rejected them, that's a really harsh thing to do.

    This article is relevant, make of it what you will: www.theonion.com/.../

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  • No it's worse then that.

    It's all that plus 'in fact everything about you as a person is great. You're just not attractive as a man and even though I love hanging around with you the idea of touching your naked body although no doubt pleasurable is repulsive. I prefer to imagine you as a friendly and sensitive shambling eunuch. by the way please never say anything about actually being a male with sexual desire around me because that's gross, from you'

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    • well ouch... i really dont think they mean it to be that intense :(
      no man is repulsive in the eyes of a woman unless she is giving him all signals possible that he really is..

    • I've never gotten in that bad.

      But that IS how it feels. You are liked and accepted in every way - except - as a man.

    • u poor thing... dont let it beat u up in a way that isn't as extreme as it is.
      i totally understand tho and ill keep that in mind.

  • Yea its not very nice. Because a man's wife is his best friend... So thats what we look for in a partner...

    Unfortunately after many repeated attempts of being a friendzoned buddy... I went to gym got fit and girls started looking at me differently... I also had to be an asshole. Made me feel bad but us guys HAVE TO DO IT!
    I was once chatting up this chick from a dating site, we met up and I was too nice to her. So she instantly friendzoned me, despite my many efforts she just buffered me. We even got wasted one night and I offered to have sex with her because she said she was on a drought... she said no... After that I decided to move on and ignore her.
    The best thing a guy can do is move on... ignore them!

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    • I know your feel

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    • yuck=/ as if u dont feel dirty doing that shit=/
      I'm telling u now, no girl actually wants a douche. if we r ever drawn to them, its only temporary. we get fascinated a bit, disappointed and we're done. as for a proper relationship, no girl wants a douche.
      if i could change these messed up ideologies i would. men r so misunderstood and women are too pressured.

  • Pretty much 100% correct. As i've said before girls will often say, "you're a lovely guy BUT" "you've very sweet and kind BUT". Reminds me of the "im not racist but".

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    • yeah that BUT is probably very hurtful:(

    • it basically gets rid of anything they said before it. Yes it is hurtful thank you for understanding, 2 weeks ago a girl I love said we'd never be together and did the same thing. Told me I was all these lovely things and qualities that I had but said I had to get over her. Thats a knockback if ever there was one

  • I find a lot of guys end up in this so called friend zone because they aren't confident enough to display their intentions from the get go. They position themselves as friends to the girl and then get upset when the girl views them as a friend and nothing more.

    It also doesn't help guys that women come out with clap trap such as "I feel more comfortable being friends with a guy first", then you listen to her, become friends, disclose your feelings only for the "I only see you as a friend" line to be spun.

    If a guy is interested in a girl he needs to make known straight from the first encounter. Why waste everyone's time by beating around the bush?

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    • yeah i find it really interesting how some guys blame the women, while others blame the men for not affirming their intentions from the beginning as u said.
      so from what i gather, u believe a guy should just man up to the occasion if he feels more than friendship.

    • I think both sexes are equally to blame for this. Men for some reason seem to think that befriending a woman will put him in better stead to getting the girl than being forward, honest and open in his intentions and women are to blame for filling men's head with 'a relationship is so much better when you start out as friends'. Now I am not saying this isn't true, but from my experience it's complete waffle, it's utter nonsense. I'd rather not waste my time by pretending to be friends with girls I want more than friendship with.

      It's a different ball game altogether if the you and the woman start off as friends and over time develop deeper feelings, that happens from time to time. But if men want to avoid this friend zone business then they need to develop the confidence to display to a girl from the first encounter that they are attracted to her. That way everyone knows where they stand.

  • Exactly right! I experienced this multiple times in my youth. My favorite kick in the groin comment I had was "I wish I could meet a man just like you!" I was always single at that point. Drove home the point of being that great unattractive guy.
    Thank goodness I learned it was their loss. Even had one years later try and slide in to get to know me again and start a relationship... and she was married!

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    • mm iv heard and said that line worded differently.
      i must assure u however that when a girl says it, she's not actually saying 'id love ur personality on a hot guy' -.- [and i seriously doubt ur ugly].
      some could mean it that way, while OTHERS could mean, 'ur good for the world, a hope to women... but ur not the EXACT type I'm after', which is still a blow to the head.
      ur so right. it is their loss. you will find someone who actually appreciates u, I'm sure of it=]

    • Thank you! I don't sweat it anymore. Hurt when I was younger, but time and maturity solved that, lol.
      Taught me to learn about being friend zoned and not to express feelings for them, lol. I am best suited with a woman getting to know me with a mutual attraction.
      Also learned I am like wine, better with age, lol. I get appreciated now.
      Great question and commentary!

    • as time so wonderfully does=]
      haha i love that wine analogy:)
      thanks!

  • Most of the guys nowadays are highly influenced by social medias, parents telling how to become a typical ''nice'' guy, by always listening to all her problems, being her rock without knowing her attraction level towards himself.. treat a woman very nice and then she would eventually come to your side,
    fuckin' B-U-L-L-S-H-I-TTTTT
    every manhood learned those shits in hard way!

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    • aw come on:( it does work out when u follow those things. some girls just take advantage of that and then men, i guess such as urself, end up feeling damaged by that.

    • no sexual spikes while being a nice guy, would be sent to drop-dead friendzone..
      that's the truth.. being a jerk while being nice, that's the key everything in moderation

    • well... i guess, but the problem with most men is that the jerk takes over=/ dont ever lose control of that.

  • Holy shit thats spot on, just fucking tell us instead of putting us through that shit

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  • it depends on the girl who has friendzoned you, some it's just like "ok couldn't hurt to try" and move on, and those girls clearly weren't the girls you wanted in the first place.

    then with some other girls, it hurts when they friendzone you as you felt like there was a real connection or that it would've worked and it does feel like the analogy you've used, and it just knocks your self esteem and you start to question yourself like "am I really that bad?" and "what if this keeps happening?", and all this could have been prevented if girls just told the guy how she felt about them in a subtle way, early on in the friendship, like "your such a good friend" then the guy won't like you more than friend and everyone stays happy.

    I have female friends that have done this and I haven't ever thought of them in a romantic sense, I just engage in playful flirtation with them all and we're are all very strong friends

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    • aw:( i totally get u.
      well ok how bout this. what if a girl tells u she sees u as just a friend, but u feel like u see her as more? what do u do?

    • you just have to move on however difficult it may be. there's no easy option in life to moving on you just need to remember really is that there are 7 billion people on this planet and one of them is perfect for you in every way and that person is looking for you like you're looking for them, and that person is going as fast as they can you've just got to endure some pain until they reach you

    • so true... i guess thats a good way of looking at it

  • I can honestly say I have never been friend zoned every girl that I liked, liked me back and I dated em every other girl that I was friends with I had no romantic feelings for.

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    • I'm basically the same, thankfully lol

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    • lol i didn't mean it seriously:P
      but i personally dont ever tell someone i like them first anyway... i usually hope that they feel the same way, and if they dont, then they'll never know how i felt.

    • I always do research, ask friends etc thatveay when I say it I know pretty much what is going to happen.

  • I happen to do this to girls, you should see how much they hate it just being the one you 'use'. I somehow don't get close to girls who only come to me when they need it, I reject those automaticaly by being anoyied to their behavior, it happens through text too, changing behaviors and being sweet when she needs me but being desinterested when not.

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    • yeah i guess if she's using u then nobody wants to b in a position like that, its good u disconnected urself from them.

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    • yeah there u go. a lot of girls can talk shit for days, but when it comes to putting things into action... ugh they suck.
      look at me condemning my own gender lol

    • I already got the words means nothing without an interaction to it. thats why I don't like texting. making promisses is also not my strength

  • I cried when I was reading that... bad memories huhuhuhu

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    • ur one of the most sarcastic people on this site lol:P

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    • Hahaha ironically being in the friendzone led me to better myself by going to the gym. Win!

    • amazing how such experiences give us growth:)

  • Hahaha it is very true to some extent and yes you are not alone to think that way.. Sometimes its quite frustrated to get stuck with just one girl who doesn't feel the same about you as you feel about them.

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  • Lol, that was pretty accurate actually.

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  • If a guys smart he'll figure it out. Tbh I don't understand why some let themselves get there. Moping around and acting like there aren't millions of other women out there. If she isn't interested move on.

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  • I think it's mostly a guys fault for letting himself get in the friendzone.

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    • that is not how it works

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    • Yes, he can control it.

      When I talk to women, I make my intentions clear pretty early on (I'm not here to just be friends). That way, they won't look at me in that light and can judge me based on those intentions, rather than how good of a friend I would be.

      If I get even the SLIGHTEST hint of being friendzoned, I bail out and move on. It's confusing because that same woman would usually get jealous when they see me talking with another girl. Perhaps they are upset because they are not getting the attention anymore, but it makes them desire you on a higher level than just friendship.

    • ah alright i see. thanks for clarifying

  • Why do people always think it's just women who friend zone guys? I've friend zoned two women I know, they're fun people but I'm not sexually attracted to them at all. One off them was rubbing my butt at a party, it was gross I found excuse to walk away

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  • It is like that. But you know what the solution is? Don't become friends with someone you're interested in. That's the rule I've been following ever since my first rejection at age 18. And that really minimizes the heart break

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    • its sad that it has to b that way... like if she LOVES ur friendship, but ur so hurt by the fact that u can't be something more... u just... feel you have to cut ties?:(

What Girls Said 4

  • It seems the majority of dudes seem to think a girl is ''using'' them if she doesn't show romantic interest in them. She's not using you, she's sharing things with you (like she would do with her girlfriends) because guess what, she thinks you are her friend!

    Just because friends feel something for us, doesn't mean we are obligated to feel the same way. Destroy the idea that the only way to get close to someone is by being romantically involved with them.

    If you want to be friends with someone, be their friend, if you want to have be romantically involved with someone then tell that person you are interested in them! If they don't feel the same, move on.

    If a girl tells you ''I really like you as a friend, but nothing more'' it means she isn't interested in you romantically and if you aren't interested in being her friend (which yes, may include listening to her cry at 2AM because her boyfriend was an ass) then tell her. You are under no obligation to do this.

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  • If there isn't any sexual attraction then he will be friend zoned? People hold on because they think overtime she/ he can develop a physical attraction. It never really happens.

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  • i agree. I friendzoned a guy who was everything i was looking for. curse you shy person

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  • Sometimes we do not know he is interested. Its weird, but we actually think guys can be our friends, whitout wanting a relationship. Just tell us, we aren't mind readers either. Sometimes we won't be interested for some reason, but then you'll know at least :)

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