How can I get a girlfriend? - Willing to give you $100 via paypal if your advice works?

This is kind of a continuation of this question - www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1096956-why-is-it-so-hard-to-get-a-girlfriend

I just want a step by step guide as to how a guy like me could get a girlfriend.

Advice like 'be happy', 'be confident' and 'just work on your looks' does not work for me, as I don't even understand what that means. I need practical advice.

Also advice like approach 500 girls on the street doesn't work for me as I live in a small town. I need realistic advice.

Here is pictues to show you how I look and how I dress, the password is qwerty - s1285.photobucket.com/.../ASOIAF?sort=3&page=1

Here is a picture of my physique, as I don't want everyone to tell me stop being fat and start working out - http://imgur.com/LuEKUc9

Updates:
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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you should do some things before you even start looking for a girlfriend. I know being happy with yourself sounds like a cliche but seriously work on being happy in general. Happy people attract other happy people.
    Work on your depression, lack of motivation and laziness. Focus on things that make you happy. If you don't have a hobby, get one. Preferably sports related, you would work on your body and sports releases endorphines. Take some classes which are girl heavy, which are pretty much all of them at my gym. Set goals, run a marathon next season.

    As for your height/ bone structure , nothing you can do about so just work with what you got. Plenty of short men have attractive girlfriends.

    Stop dating for a while. I don't believe that to stop looking and you'll find someone works, but it seems like you have a lot of issues.
    Try making friends with women for now. Approach women you think are unattractive you will be naturally more confident but be honest about wanting to be friends with them. A female friend could always be a "gateway friend" she'll probably introduce you to other female friends and who knows one of them might be Mrs. Right

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    • I'm already in reasonable shape. Joining those awful excercise classes at the gym won't get me more in shape considering I squat over 100kgs for reps.

      The rest is not practical. 'Work on your depression, lack of motivation and laziness'. What does this actually mean? How do I work on it?

      Also how do I make friends with women? Where should I approach them? How do I approach them?

      I need practical advice. You may as well have said 'just be tall, good looking and wait for the women to form an orderly queue'.

    • I don't know much about depression, which is why I would suggest you get a therapist and you can work on the other issues too there

      Those classes might not get you in better shape but they help keeping you in shape. You said you already were in shape. And obviously don't do only that but it's a good way to meet women, get used to talking to them.
      Which brings me to the next point, where to approach women, well i. e. in classes like that, bars even, mutual friends, I don't know an outdoor store if you're into that or whatever you're into. A football game, a concert... ask about if she had the nachos there or something. Just something to start a conversation and actually do it just to be friends for now

    • Therapy is a scam. I've had several therapists. They do not even understand or want to understand my situation. They only care about what happened in my childhood. Which is about as impractical as you can get, since that cannot be changed.

What Girls Said 16

  • You are very down on yourself and that in itself can be a big turn off, women like confident men and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, you have a good body and good looks. So you really need to spend some time working on your attitude towards yourself, you need to love yourself before you can love another (not too much though lol) looking for women in bars and night clubs is not the best way as you are likely intoxicated as are they and it might end up being just a one night stand. If you want something more lasting and meaningful going to classes is a better idea to find someone, but you have to enjoy the class you go to so you can look like you're there for that and not just women. Also there's a saying when you stop looking you find them, that's what happened to me and some people I know. I would suggest spending time working on your self confidence, join a class like drama or something where you are put in the spotlight and very vulnerable to other people there, it will help bring you out of your she'll and before confident, it will be hard at first but if you keep at it you will notice the change, and maybe even there you'll meet someone you like who likes you too. You're probably looking for the wrong kind of women too and just approaching women in the street isn't a good way to do it as that might make them nervous. Perhaps join a dating website? They're meant to be very good these days with a lot of success rates and even if you don't find someone straight away, your profiles on there then so maybe someone will find you. But first and foremost work on your self worth, you deserve that at least to look at yourself in a more positive way, that will make you all the more attractive too and more confident at approaching women. I hope this advice helps you. Good luck :)

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    • I've messaged hundreds of women on dating sites and gotten absolutely nowhere. They have 0 interest in me.

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    • Well you clearly can't, since you claim to have read both questions, yet failed to provide anything close to an appropriate answer.

    • And you cannot comprehend basic human kindness so that is the reason you cannot find a girl. Have a nice life being alone forever. Goodbye.

  • Yep, I knew it; "I live in a small town." Somehow that was my first guess when I looked at this question.
    It seems what you're asking is to receive some sound effectively legitimate advice that you can look at and go *snap* that's it! That's all I've been missing to get out there and find my dream girl because it's relevant and articulate to my case. Like a puzzle piece clicking into it's spot and you hope to find it here. You hope to find a sound effect.

    I'm not going to tell you that whatever you're going is error because I can't. Really I can't really do that because I don't know the situation first hand. I don't think I can give you generic advice like, 'get more confidence'. You want something more personal and relevant to you, your environment and circumstances as an individual. Which effects your desperation to receive such a thing (e. g. offering money rewards for the right advice).

    I can't look at you to do any profiling regarding your looks because I don't know what you look like (your password isn't working). Although making judgements based on how you look could surprisingly help a lot.

    From a comment below, I can tell that you compare yourself to others. Don't reply to that statement yet; tell me how I'm doing so far.

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    • I'll send you a new password, I changed it for various reasons, but I'm happy to let individuals view them still.

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    • Also I can say for certain, if I was good looking, I wouldn't be here posting this question.

      From experimenting with fake online dating profiles, if I looked better I'd get girls no problem.

      Not saying its all the way I look either, merely that my poor appearance coupled with everything else is too much and puts women off.

    • Alright, I changed my settings. Although to be honest I can care less how you look. I've already gathered some general clues about you and your problems.
      One) you live in a small town...
      Two) I gather that you think that being good looking is "for certain" going to get you a girlfriend.

  • Ok... this is what I've tried and it has worked for me... I read your last post... and just realize that if you want to have a meaningful long lasting relationship it will take time to work on yourself first... yes, advice such as "be happy and confident" may not work for you now... but I think you need to get to that place first and really love yourself. It's going to take work... but if you are committed you can get there.

    1) Write down a list of everything you want in a woman... looks, personality, age, height... absolutely everything
    2) Write down a list of what you think this woman deserves in a man... note areas of development you need to work on.
    3) I'd suggest going to therapy, because you said you were very depressed. I can understand that because I was there... I was clinically depressed for the majority of my life... but there were things I couldn't see that needed to change... that's where therapy came in and helped change my life... therapy is not a quick fix though... depending on how long you have been depressed. I think that you need to overcome your depression and anxiety first before you can move forward in finding a relationship that will be meaningful to you. Consider this an investment in yourself. If you can't get a therapist I suggest finding someone that has your best interest in mind and wants to see you succeed.
    4) Every day, look at that list you wrote down of the woman you want to be with, and visualize meeting her, having the relationship you want with her... really feel the emotion strongly... this takes some effort but it really works and I've used it for different parts of my life... it may not happen exactly as you see... but it will happen when it is meant to happen
    5) Find something you are passionate about and really enjoy. Women find this very attractive... again, this is more self discovery
    6) Keep a very open mind

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  • Hey, the first thing I would say is be confident in who you are - ignore what people think about you. Then think what do you like the most - in a girl what qualities. Do you want her to have the same hobbies as you? Interests that much or a person who is completely different to you. What age-range are you willing to date. What type of women - brunette/blond/slim/curvy etc.

    Next step is to go out - hang out at places. For instance I love books - so I hang out at the library - and you see so many cute girls/guys there. So yeah hang out at places you enjoy or things linked to your hobbies. See someone that catches your attention, go talk to them. The easiest way I do it - is to talk about our hobbies. Like if there is a guy who's holding a book then say you've read it (if you have - if you haven't ask what its about). That'll start a conversation. Then talk about what you have read etc.

    Ask for their email etc. Sometimes people are willing to give that and not their number. Say to keep in touch. You could always say I've forgotten the name of the book - but you have it as E-book and you'll email it to her. It'll save her the money etc.

    I'm just giving you an example of what you could do. But I'm talking about my hobby here - but if you do meet someone then talk about yours.

    Hope it helps :)

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  • Do you have any relationships with women in your life? Meaning women whom are related to you that you are close too? Close female friends? Close female coworkers? What is your relationship like with them?

    How is your relationship with the men in your life? Do you have many close friends? Do you socialize alot?

    What are your interests hobbies? What places do you frequent the most?

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    • I have no close relationships with women. I don't speak to any of my family, other than my parents who I despise. I have previously had close female friends but none at the moment. I get on well with my female coworkers, however they are just coworkers, I do not see them outside work, they are also much older than myself.

      Again, no good family relationships. I have a close male friend and several other males I'm kind of friends with, they are all losers though. I've previously had many different male friends. I socialise with my friends every week pretty much.

      I have no real interests/hobbies. I regularly go to the gym and work. I used to go to bars and nightclubs but I don't anymore as its futile.

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    • No, however I have extensive experience trolling on craigslist.

    • That is once again unfortunate.

  • Ok... First thing... It doesn't matter what you look like... as long as you are comfortable in your own skin that my friend is the sexiest thing about a guy... although cockiness is a NO GO!!!
    You need to make yourself available.. Whether its going to bars and clubs... Online dating... Or even taking up a hobby!! I am a true believer in that there is someone for everyone. But first you must learn to love yourself before loving anyone else.. and in time you'll find someone who will fall in love with you for all your faults flaws and imperfections. Also never chase it... Let it happen naturally!! After all its what humans do best... LOVE

    I hope this helps... Unfortunately there is no magic wand or fairy god mother for love.. just have faith xx

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    • If you read the attached question I already have tried bars, clubs, online dating and joining clubs.

      Being available isn't going to help if nobody is interested.

      If I stood on the street corner trying to sell my own excrement it doesn't mean people would buy it.

  • 1. Find a girl you actually like, don't just go for anyone
    2. GET TO KNOW HER this is crucial, nothing worse than a guy who rushes into things
    3. ASK HER OUT it's scary the idea of being shot down but ask her on a date, drinks are a good first date plan or coffee because its easier to make excuses to leave if you or her aren't feeling it
    4. Go on at least 4-6 dates before you sleep with her
    4b. Only sleep with her if you want it to go somewhere
    5. If you both like each other and can see it going somewhere ask her to be your girlfriend

    It takes time and effort but if you're willing to put the time in you'll get a happy and strong relationship at the end

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    • I need you to break down point 1 and 2 for me.

      How do I find a girl I like?

      And when I have, how do I get to know her if she doesn't want to know me?

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    • They are NOT willing to give advice. In bars and clubs women are unwilling to even speak to me.

      Also there are actually more young men than women. Women only outnumber men overall because they live longer. Unless you are implying I should date grannies I don't see how that is relevant.

    • I wasn't suggesting that, I was merely saying that there are a lot of women so not all of them don't like you. Then talk to female friends or colleagues or sisters or other relatives, see if they can give you more personal advice. You asked for a step by step guide which I have provided but I don't know you personally well enough to give you a unique plan

  • There's no step-by-step guide to it. If there was a guide like that, nobody would be single.

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    • I thought most people were single because they refused to date the people who want to date them?

      As I've pointed out I'm not aiming high, literally any female will do.

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    • Basically, all I'm saying is that if there was a waterproof step-by-step guide to getting someone to like you, nobody would be single because everyone would be able to make the person they're attracted to like them back. Unless someone else uses that technique on them first.

    • Yes. However most people have the option of dating someone they are not attracted to, a less attractive individual than themselves.

  • 100 dollars is too less for a girlfriend. You already know what you will get for that.

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  • Is it ok to ask what your personality is like? To me I think that is more important than how one looks

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    • Read the linked question. I talk about my personality there.

      Essentially I'm reserved, shy, sensitive, negative, depressed, anxious, lazy and intelligent.

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    • Most reserved women actually date outgoing men though.

    • Then they aren't really introverted at all. Introverts and extroverts based on what I have seen so far are completely incompatible.

  • Dating site

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  • i dont understand how you dont havve a gitrlfriend ur hot and have a really nice body

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  • I would acept :|

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  • Pray and pray hard, because your next question may be 'how do you keep a gf once you get her?'

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  • Well, the look shouldn't be the problem, you sure aren't ugly.
    Sadly, there isn't any bulletproof recipe for getting a girlfriend. But the things you can do, is go where the girls are. Don't seem like you are desperate, make the girl you approach, feel like she is the only girl on your mind right now, and all the others can go to hell. Confidence is a turn on, but not to the level where it just gets cheesy and cocky. Sadly, just approaching some random in the streets, rarely leads to something real. You have any hobbies? Or work, school, you smoke weed? Get in some community (not some crazy religious shit or something) just something where you get friends, and meet the same people more than once. Find one girl, lock her as a target, and go for her. If she just isn't interested, and she won't be no matter what. Forget her, and move on. Don't make it to obvious though, because then they'll just think you are a player, or desperate. 'Just' be sweet, fun, gentle and brave.
    It really is easier to get a girlfriend, if you know her for longer, and can build something up.
    - Or you could try online dating?

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    • I've extensively tried online dating. I've never found any women my age at clubs/classes (I've tried yoga, dance and languages). There are no women my age at work and no women at all in my social circles.

      I'm not considered to be confident, fun, sweet, gentle or brave.

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    • Aw did you find that all by yourself? Such a big boy. But as you will, I'll shut my mouth, and leave you to it. :)

What Guys Said 16

  • The biggest problem you have is that you refuse to listen to people who know better.

    For example, when you list all the things that you think are "wrong" with you or hold you back, the first is your height.

    I know from experience that guys who are hung up about their height are as bad as guys who are hung up about the size of their dick. A million girls telling you it doesn't matter, won't enter that thick head of yours. You've convinced yourself it does, and that's the end of it.

    The same is true for many items on your list. Bone structure and symmetry? Gimme a break. No girl in the history of the world has ever said "Oh my god, look at his symmetry! He's so symmetric!"

    In a nutshell, your biggest issue is that you have invented hangups which you have piled on to the legitimate problems you have. Perhaps it's a defence mechanism, I don't know. Maybe if you were honest with yourself for a change, you'd realise that you have no choice but to fix your actual issues... and it's easier to pretend that the task is insurmountable so there's no point in starting.

    Your looks are fine, your physique is fine. There's zero problem with you physically. Not your bone structure, not your shoulders, nothing.

    Your problems are legitimately in your head - lack of confidence is a catch all, but you've got it. You also have poor social skills, admitted laziness (which I think is a factor in your subconscious desire to hide your real faults from yourself) depression and social anxiety. And probably a few more that have slipped my mind right now.

    But you don't want to be told that that is what is wrong with you. I honestly believe you'd rather be told that your problems are insurmountable because it would justify your lack of action, your lack of planning, your lack of progress, your lack of drive, your lack of ambition.

    FACT : Girls don't want to date a guy who is depressed about himself, life, his future prospects.
    (TBC)

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    • FACT: Girls do not want to date a guy who doesn't want to be with her, and only picked her out of desperation. They have more self-respect than that.
      FACT : Girls won't think you're worth dating, if YOU don't think you're worth dating.

      And right now, you sure as hell don't.

      Here's some concrete advice for you - 1: you need to trim down your list of what you think are your problems. And get some outside help with that, because you're too hard on yourself to be properly objective.
      2: When you've identified the problem (s) list a bunch of solutions for each one. If you can't think of one, ask online. e. g. if your social groups don't give you the chance to meet women, either change the nature of your group, or join a new group, or START a new group. All problems have multiple possible approaches to solving them.
      3 : Work out which of your solutions you can implement quickly and which ones you think will have the largest impact on you.

    • For example you can't quickly overcome shyness. That takes time as well as effort. But you can change your social habits very quickly. Drop one club, join another. Takes very little time.

      Lastly, make some decent connections on this site with users who actually know what they are talking about, not the ones who will encourage you to wallow in self-destructive pity.

      They can teach you something about what girls actually want, even when it appears irrational to a guy. Why girls don't want a guy who will bend over backwards to give her everything. Why being interesting is far more important than being nice. Why self-deprecating humour doesn't work, but humour as a general rule does.

  • So, do you just want a girlfriend, or do
    you want "the" girlfriend?

    If it's the first, I can't help you. :)

    If it's the second:
    Stop directly looking for girls, because
    you won't find the one you really want.

    Instead, just focus on the things you like to do
    and try to get better at something (whatever hobbies you have)
    girls with similar interests as you may (or may not) show up.

    I'm not saying you should stop looking for girls
    just that you shouldn't have that as your primary
    focus. At some point you're bound to see / find
    someone whom you just click perfectly with. ^.~

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    • What's the difference between the two?

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    • A well-founded relationship lies upon the foundation of mutual appreciation, and not just sexual desire. The person you want your girlfriend to be must be important to you as a person, and the feeling should be mutual.

    • @Mesonfielde I wholeheartedly agree.

  • I'll give this a shot as I was once in the same position. The reality is, looks don't play a huge part in it. I would describe myself physically as you did in your last post. You'll see from my photo I'm not exactly Brad Pitt. And sure, after not having much success it is extremely easy to think that there is something inherently wrong with you that makes you wildly unattractive to women - and there's the problem.

    I wish the answer were as simple as it sounds, but I went from that mindset to simply not caring. Then everything changed. Looking back and I can see where I was going wrong. Questioning why I didn't have a girlfriend and trying to figure out how to fix it was doing nothing but making things worse for myself. When I stopped caring - and it took me a long time to decide that - I focused on myself. What I wanted to get out of life besides a girlfriend. I became happy. Happy with who I was. Girls were the last thing on my mind at this point, and then suddenly I was starting to get interest from them, and a lot of it. It was because I was confident in who I was as a person and I didn't need the company of anybody else to enjoy life. It wasn't just a mental state, but it showed physically. When you're confident, there's a glow about you. You stand up straight, no hunched shoulders. Things like that. A positive aura rubs off on people, and I'm pretty sure that's why there was the sudden interest.

    My advice to you is not to put too much weight on getting a girlfriend and do what makes YOU happy in life, and then you will see what a difference not caring about it so much really makes.

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  • You need to become an actor first.. Go to a place where people don't know you, where it doesn't matter if a girl turns you down. You have to act like you have little respect for girls, it sounds weird, but it will help you getting over the shyness, so you won't have a problem approaching girls. Of course at the end you do respect girls..

    You have to play with them, with good intentions, not like a "player". Initially you have to make them curious, you have to creep in their minds, without being a creep :)
    It can be done by a daring comment, by a noticeable longer look with a smile. Draw them out of their comfort zone. Next step in the game would be asking her out, but only do it when you're ready or you'll end in in the friend zone despite your previous efforts. Which means, don't treat her as if you are fine with her as a friend. You want something else with her and she has to feel that. Don't make that first date too long, end it with a playful quick kiss on her lips, leave shortly after so she's left with questions. If she decides she likes you, you'll become the challenge for her and whether they admit it or not, girls like to feel they seduced you, it's no fun if it's too easy. Once in a relationship, many girls do like a nice guy!

    It's not easy of course, it won't always go fine, but like everything: practice makes better. And there's many helpful stuff around on the internet. Hope this helped.

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  • If you're willing to pay up a Benjamin to a random stranger so you can get a girlfriend, than nothing we say/do can help you. You're already f**ked.

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    • I suppose it could be worse. I could look like you.

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    • Alright. That's it, I've tried to help you and you've completely blown me off. Guess you'll just have to learn the hard way several years down the road.

      It's no longer an issue to me now. I'm done here. I have no patience for stupidity.

    • Except your own obviously.

  • There is no such thing as a step by step guide. What works for one guy may not work for others.
    If thats what you are looking for. The closest you will get is a book called "Dating for Dummies" Yes there is such a book. And there is A LOT of valuable information in it.

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    • No joke, that book is actually pretty decent with valid advice.

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    • Part 3
      OK. fine.
      You're a loser. Your a failure. You've done it all. Stop trying. It's hopeless. It's a shame that you are all alone with this problem. No-one else has ever been through this. The rest of the world is happy, carefree and in great relationships. You have every right to sit home every weekend doing nothing. You've done it all. We all understand why you are waving the white flag.
      But you know what you also have every right to look into yourself and start working on yourself.
      The choice is yours.
      One last thing. You might want to think about therapy again. But let the therapist do their job. Everything has a beginning and end point. You are far from the end. But maybe your beginning was when you were 5 or 9 or 16. You have to start at the beginning before you will ever get to an end.

      Rant over.

    • Well this old man has not blocked you. Maybe Belgie did. I don't know. I can't say I blame him if he did. Your very frequent "woe is me" story is wearing pretty thin.

      You are partially correct when you say I don't know you. I don't know you personally. But I do know your psyche.
      Being an old man has it's advantages. I have something you do not yet have. Experience and wisdom.
      I know my faults. I have looked back and seen my path and where I went astray. I have rectified a lot of it. But I am still working on other parts. I do know you. More than you can imagine.
      This is the last thing I'm saying on this. Your path does not have to lead you to the same place as mine has.

  • I don't know if this will ever help cause usually nobody understands when I say this. But

    for some questions you should stop asking from other people for advice. Take a break from the world figure who the fuck you are. That solves a lot of things for some. I'd recommend Elliot Hulse on you tube as he is great for teens with questions like these. check out some of his videos. But no matter what Change comes from within.

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    • Those eyes :)

      I'm talking about the cat, not yourself, just to clarify!

    • But of course.

      Quite the looker ain't she?

  • If you're that *desperate* for a girlfriend and you've literally tried everything (and I mean, if it's absolutely impossible to get a girlfriend), maybe it's time for a scene change. Move to a denser place like a big city :P
    Gives you the opportunity to start over, be the man you want to be and around plenty of women.

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  • Before I can give advice, what happens now? How do you approach women? Where do you go to find women? What happens when you approach them?

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    • Right now very little.

      I've stopped going to bars and nightclubs because I do terrible there. Usually I'm rejected within 30 seconds or so, often by the girls walking away or just laughing in my face. I'm also quite shy so it takes a long time for me to build up the courage to try and often I can't even try.

      I'm on online dating but I've stopped messaging any women because I do terrible there as well. I get some responses, also some girls agreeing to meet up and giving me there numbers, but 100% of them flake on me.

      I've got limited experience with approaching girls during the day too. Similar to online the vast majority have no interest, got a few numbers, all of them flake though.

      Also its important to understand none of my social groups give me access to any women. If I don't approach/message online, I don't meet any women.

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    • It does not work for me.

      I'll look for a running club though. Thanks. Got any more?

    • You have to change how you approach women. saying "it doesn't work" isn't a valid excuse. If you're calling me on not being practical, I'm calling you on dismissing rational advice.

      Here's another helpful guide. And yes, it's going to take you changing how you operate. This is the FBI's top 10 ways to build rapport with people.

      time.com/.../

  • Learn my brotha although your old man should've taught you all this already:

    http://www.artofmanliness.com/

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  • Let's go halfsies on one of those pick up artist websites.

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  • "Tao of Badass" by Joshua Pellicer. You're welcome.

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  • I have been told I have a good body too, and I am struggling with the same issues as you buddy. I have a very long and depressing list of rejections, but I can at least say I have tried.

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  • just talk bs to them , ultimately one is gonna fall for it

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