Hey! Here is the gist of everything. I am a very sweet and casual guy, I dress very well and I have an athletic build. Unfortuntely I have pretty bad social anxiety and have issues talking with women.
For the past two days I have been going to my local college bar to talk to women. I only talk to women who are with 1-2 other friends. So after spending 1-2 hours in a few bars, I only talk to about 2-3 different groups of women a night.
When I talk to women though, I approach confidently and I open with, "Hey! How is your night going?" or "Hey! How are you doing today?" As soon as I approach though... they shut me down with their facial expressions that say "Ugh... is this loser really going to try to talk to us?" I stay strong and continue with my convo... but it never works out.
How can I be more effective with meeting women in the bar? Here is a typical scenario for me:
Opener: Hey, How's it going? (Girl replies)
Beginning of convo: Since I work a lot, I never have time to get out. Are these bars always this packed? (girl replies)
Middle of Convo: Do you ladies go to school around here? (girl replies)
That's pretty much how it goes. They seem very disinterested throughout the entire convo. Give me nasty facial expressions or tell me that they are leaving and say good night to me.
Again... I do have some social anxiety, so approaching is hard for me.
What can I better talk to women in these settings?
How can I tell if a woman is interested in me before I approach?
What kinds of things can I talk about besides school, work, etc, etc?
Most Helpful Guy
Ok first you approach women who smile at you when you've made eye contact and smiled at them. This is a que that says she is open to be approached. Without this you have no hope. Your opener is ok, honest and friendly, but try to complement her on somthing (I like your 'style', or 'that jacket is great' or 'you have a nice smile do you charge for it?') but not her body. Try to be funny and fun with it. To engage her in conversation ask her questions (sparingly) that want her opinion or thoughts about somthing and relate to it with your own experiences.
Here's the trick: you must act/have the opinion that if she doesn't dig you that's fine, others will, and you could walk away and it not bother you in the least. Most people are a little lery of anyone who might be upset if they don't get what they want from you, having just met you/having known you a short time.
As for confidence: You've got to act confident that you are someone to get to know, but not dickish, even if you may not it feel that way inside. "Got to fake it till you make it".
Just be comfortable, like you are with a sister or even a guy buddy. Women are just people: often just as nervous as you or more so at meeting someone new.
To combat your nerves: 'no matter how beautiful she is-somebody somewhere- is sick of her'. Something I heard somewhere that will bring her back down to your level in your mind. Very useful to remember if you have approach anxiety.
The main thing is to talk to strangers for practice with Social skills. Wherever you are: practice. On everybody. Conversations will become easyer and talking to a gal will become easy and natural.
You want to play guitar: practice. You want to score goals: practice. You want to be able to aproach a woman and just start up a conversation: learn hypnosis lol- I mean practice.
There will be rejection. There will be disappointment. But nothing that is any good is easy. And if this one doesn't like you the next gal may.