So confused about my depressed boyfriend?

So, I've been going out with this guy for a few months now. He has clinical depression, but refuses to take his medication and goes mad every time I say he needs to go back to the doctors. A lot of the time, he's actually okay, but he gets episodes quite a lot too however I've learnt to deal with them properly I guess..

Last night though, he was really down to a point I've never really seen him before (he's on holiday in Turkey right now - may be worth noting). He kept talking about suicide and how he was a lost cause, and I told him otherwise. But then he started telling me to go away because it was best for both of us, and stuff like that.

The last thing he said to me was "Please. don't come back" and I haven't heard from him since. I've never been in this situation before and I'm so worried he might do something stupid. I really do like and care for him a lot, I'm sure he likes me too and I'm afraid he'll never talk to me again. I'm not sure what to do, some people are saying I should leave him be for a while, and others are saying I should talk to him and clear the air.

The last meltdown he had, he was begging me to stay and talk to him. Now he's telling me to go away and not come back. What do you guys think I should do, I'm so confused?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hi lovie :)

    I suffered (and still do) with depression while I was involved with my last boyfriend so I might be able to offer you some help. Firstly, his depression is very much his responsibility. It might sound harsh to expect him to deal with it alone and he does need support, but he's the only person who can make the choice to get help and to stick with it. It's not easy for him and if he's anything like me, he will relapse, sometimes for no reason, and just get very down or lash out and usually it will be at those closest to him. I used to feel very frustrated with myself after having struck out at my ex when I was unhappy, I was so annoyed that I had no control over how I felt. I didn't want to hurt him, it was never him that was the problem, but he was my sole port of call and so he ended up carrying a lot of my depression with me.

    I think the best option for you both right now is to take a break. He's telling you that because he feels guilty, he knows he's hurting you and is angry that he is no longer fun and happy to be around. He feels inadequate as a person and a boyfriend and wants you to be away from him for your own sake. The contradictory feelings of him wanting you back are because he is struggling, you are probably the one good thing he feels he has in life, the thing he's holding onto, and so he doesn't want to lose that for fear of crumbling. He loves you. This leaves you (and my ex) in a very difficult position. Do you abandon them and risk them becoming worse or do you stay and inevitably make yourself just as unhappy. Depression is a strain on everyone around you just as much as it is for you, I'm sure you're feeling the emotional weight of his condition already.

    You won't be abandoning him by having a break, you're forcing him to understand the magnitude of his condition and forcing him to make positive changes. Make yourself his reward, not his emotional crutch. Let him know you're still around but that you need him to get better :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • Depression is pretty bad, having suffered it myself on many occasions. My friends and family are against me ever taking meds as it is natural part of life. The thing is with depression, there is always an underlying cause. Personal matters that may be too much to talk about to a significant other sometimes.

    If you genuinely love him, do not abandon him, instead help him, and talk to him about depression. Is he seeing a counsellor or psychiatrist? Can you talk to him, and explore his issues with him. Medication is not a solution.

    For me personally, I had some pretty severe issues when I didn't see my life going anywhere at all, fortunately I had the support of friends and family and my sport that helped me through it all, now I've become a successful and stronger person. In my personal life recently though, I've gone through a horrific breakup whereby I'm now seeing my counsellor to help me through it all. Something as simple as talking to someone about all your problems dramatically helps.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think his issues are beyond you. You can't help him. He is not able to be in a relationship with you. His problems are too big. You should respect his wishes and move on.

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