I have had absolutely no luck on dating sites. Is it time to lower my standards?

I definitely don't think that I am ugly in a conventional sense, but at the same time I feel unnoticable and like the kind of guy that girls don't want because unlike all my friends and peers, I am the only one that has never even had a kiss... I'm a pretty social guy that makes friends pretty easily, so I find it super weird that no girl has ever shown any sign of interest. I am admittedly a bit shy, but I'm not creepy or totally awkward. I don't have an annoying or high-pitched voice, I don't smell bad, and I am not super short (I am 5'8"). So there isn't much left to think that is offputting other than my looks. I actually tried several dating websites in recent time and had no luck whatsoever.

Are my standards maybe too high? Currently, my standards are not extremely high, but definitely not low either. I am admittedly not into overweight girls, it's just not my thing. I tend to find quite a lot of girls cute or pretty. I like girls that I find cute, but not necessarily drop dead gorgeous. I guess I like girls that are a bit above average, but not supermodels. I would be too shy to ask a supermodel out anyways.. I would say I usually aim for about a 7/10.

This is me: http://imgur.com/a/PJli7

I have posted on another website in something called a "rate thread" in which people would rate each other's level of attractiveness on a scale of 1-10. I had a lot of really negative feedback from the female posters. Instead of just passing it off as shallow girls, I was very shocked because overall, they were finding a lot of the guys attractive. Like they would find both the boyish or more feminine looking guys attractive as well as the masculine ones. They would also find many guys attractive regardless of race, so I was really weirded out that they rated me so low. I would also receive some terrible comments like "down syndrome/10" or "Do you have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?"

I'm just looking for some totally honest feedback, preferably from the opposite sex. Thanks


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You've been going far above and beyond in your search for peer approval. I don't even know how many times I've seen you post questions such as this, sufficed to say, more then 10 times. No matter what responses you receive you've proven to yourself time and time again, it will never quench your thirst.

    Physically you do not overreach, but emotionally, you do, and this isn't my opinion, it's yours. Anything beyond yourself is unobtainable for the time being.

    You need to overcome this deeply rooted desire for validation. I don't know how someone such as yourself goes about achieving this, but I do know all things first start with a realization.

    Recognize that you have a problem.

    p. s. this is my honesty opinion and feedback to your question.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I don't think you're ugly by any means, but the problem is you're looking for girls based on shallow thoughts. You're to worried about looks first. You need to first go on dates with a couple of girls (regardless of how they look) that have common interests with you. You may find that 5 became an 11 because she made you have an awesome time. The more you get out there, the more you'll learn about the approach and the personality of the girls you should go for. You're just looking backwards.

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    • I totally see where you are coming from. I kind of failed to mention this, but shared interests and personality are HUGE to me. I mean, I would gladly date an average girl for sure as long as we clicked. I don''t want anyone for just looks. I actually find a lot of the "hot" girls that I went to high school with quite repulsive to be honest, just because of how mean or rude they were and their behavior as well. So yeah, looks are only secondary for me. But still, I don't want to settle for somebody I am not at all physically attracted to as well, you know? It's kind of hard for me to pinpoint what type of girls I should be looking for. I tend to only ask out girls that I already know and likes in terms of personality.

    • How's he going to go on dates when neither girls in real life nor on the internet are open to dating him?

    • That's good! I don't believe you can have a good relationship without physical attraction too. The approach of even taking a not so attractive one out is just for the experience and maybe a friendship. Just make sure if that's the case, you tell her you would like to go as strictly friends due to your common interests. It will build your confidence that way some and maybe even get you a kick ass friend.

  • You are definitely a very cute guy, but I agree with the other comment - you need to smile more, you have a killer smile! But remember - being truly attractive to the opposite sex is more than just about being good looking. Confidence and personality is key. I have seen a lot of hot guys who did nada for me once they opened their mouth. Some were so vain and self conscious it was a turn off. Wear sharp clothes and get a great haircut - there should be no reason why you can't get a really pretty girl.

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  • lol "down syndrome/10" or "Do you have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?" this is why you never ask people to rate you on the internet. Now look at that button nose and those big brown eyes, you're so cute! Stop using dating sites, you don't have a ton of money, so girls won't even bother to look at your profile. Majority of the time you won't companionship there.

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    • I did comment, I just read other comments to avoid repeating stuff sometimes :D

  • i think everybody should have a standard that they think its in their range and you seem to be in your range from what i understand ^^ and no sometimes its really NOT YOU its the girls. I know this guy (and i've liked him) he's tall, gorgeous, smart, athletic, and i do know a good amount of girls who have liked him but he has never had a gf (hes still young) and its not like there's anything wrong with him its just he's never "clicked" with any of the girls enough. So if you are everything you said dont sweat it you just haven't found "the one" for however long lol if that makes sense

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What Guys Said 6

  • Eh. I'm sure there's been girls that have been interested. Perhaps you just missed their signs, which are usually really really subtle. Girls tend to seldom make the first move. Some girls will play off liking you and even be mean to you. It's best to not think that girls aren't into you. Instead just make the first move and take control of your dating life. I think you'd be shocked by the results.

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  • Smile.
    Your pics where you aren't smiling are creepy.
    You're a bit better than average looking, so you can definitely land an attractive girl.

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  • You're kinda like me. I don't want overweight girls but I don't expect them to be drop dead gorgeous either. I'm 5'8. My friends are all really good with girls and not just any girls, really good looking girls. I have a really deep voice rather than a high-pitched voice. I don't smell and I never had a chance when I was on dating sites like 3 or 4 years ago. I was on couple of them for 2 months or so but didn't have one girl who was interested in me.

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    • I feel you man, totally. All my friends seem to get cute girls no problem as well! That is why I find it so utterly strange that they don't show interest in me, too.

  • That is classic male thinking! In my day I've seen hot chicks with ugly dudes all the time. Never ever say "she's out of my league" all that does is lower your confidence and makes your chances of getting her plummet.

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    • In my day... How old are you? O. o

    • Show All
    • I'm 17.. that's just something I like to say.

    • haha, okay

  • If you want a bit of constructive criticism, I'd say you should stay clean shaven for the time being. The 3rd picture is your best.

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  • Online sucks. Get some colour and go hit up the mall or something.

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