"I'm not looking for a relationship" what does it really mean?

I've flirted with guys and everything seem to go smoothly... until I started talking about how I felt and what I wanted after they asked me what I wanted from them.
They've all told me what every guy tells me in the end. That I'm nice, sweet, and that they like my personality. Also, they like talking with me. Lately, they also end up saying that they aren't looking for a relationship. Yet, they flirted and told me sweet things. Why do guys do this? Don't they know it's painful to lead someone on just to say "I'm not looking for a relationship"? Why do they do this? Did they change their mind about me and just said that to end things? I can't seem to get into a relationship, just flirting. I'm stuck. What am I doing wrong? Anyway, have you ever done this? Why have you done it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Generally speaking when guys say this they mean this. They are not looking for a relationship. Let me repeat that. They are not "looking" for a "relationship". Or in other words they aren't trying to find one. Or at the very least that's what they want you to think. It means don't pressure me. It means lower your expectations of what you want me to be. It means please slow down a little. It means that if I find someone or something that makes me want to be in a relationship then I will but I'm not "looking" for a "relationship". These guys are in no rush to be tied down like most guys and girls that make them feel like they will be makes them run. But in response to that. Don't change yourself. Don't change yourself unless you want to change yourself because chances are your changes won't matter. A guys willingness to be in a relationship is as dependent on you as a person but far more dependent on how they feel and think about themselves. Some guys will never be ready some guys just need a little more time. If you feel like waiting then wait if you don't then leave. There are no secrets, short cuts, or magic words. Relationships take time to build and even more time to maintain. So being patient is key. Everything that you think you're doing to convince him that this is the relationship he wants I can almost guarantee has been done to him before. Ms. Flirt , Ms. Outtayourleague, Ms. Agreeable, Ms. Ultimatum, Ms. Imjustlikeyourmom. We've all got our lists and there's nothing that is really gonna tell us your any different. Nothing but time. Waiting forever won't get him to date you but allowing yourself to be known over time as someone he might truly enjoy and wants to keep around will.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Alas, they often do this for the same reason women do. When a person says, "I'm not looking for a relationship," it often means "I'm not attracted to you." I know that's very sad to hear, but often such is the case. My suggestion is that you do what you can to make yourself available and attractive to the next guy who you like and move on.

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  • they really love someone else and only want to keep you as friend but its is the best way of saying i dont want anything else than friendship with you.

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  • It means 'I'm not looking for a relationship with you".

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  • Because guys want the affection without the commitment

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  • Maybe you're rushing to the DTR talk too quickly.

    I'm also not looking for a relationship, I'm looking for cool gals. If I find one and start to get to know her, maybe a relationship will be on the table at that point.

    I guess just go slower with the commitment stuff. Lots of us guys shy away from it at first.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I want casual sex

    why are u taking it personally? a lot of guys just wanna fuck, doesn't have anything to do with what u are doing as a person. they do all that bc its running game, makes u like them more and more likely to open ur legs

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