What are good boundaries to set with him so he doesn't get confused?

I'm basically seeing a guy that I know would really like to sleep with me. It's really obvious that he wants it pretty badly.

The thing is that I am not ready for sex. I'm a virgin and I told him that, and also that I am not ready.

I think he tries to get his tension out in other ways, like touching me a lot and kissing me, cuddling with me, etc.

He does some things that come off as pretty sexual to me- like cup my breast under my bra, or stroke lightly between my legs when kissing.

He also likes to get on top of me when kissing and tell me how hard he is, or ask if I am turned on.

Now he's telling me he would like a topless picture. I told him no and he asks for one with my bra on, which I also said no to.

I genuinely think he is a good guy because he shows that he cares for me in a lot of other ways. But I think he is also a guy that would really like sex.

While I did tell him I'm not sleeping with him and when he touches me in a sexual way I tell him no, I still feel like I didn't set good boundaries with him.

I'm inexperienced and I'm just not sure where to draw the line so he doesn't get confused and push for more.

What boundaries should I make so he doesn't feel like I'm leading him on?

Like should I make it explicit to not touch me in certain areas? Should I not let him kiss me while on top of me?

I think any kind of sexy picture is a bad idea because he will likely want more for me, right?

Where should i draw the line with him?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Whta does "basically" seeing mean?

    What is the line? You are "not ready". What are you "not ready" to do? What are you ready to do?

    Is this a 'we need to know each other better' to be ready or 'I'm not at that stage in my life yet' not ready?

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    • We have been on quite a few dates and act like a couple but are not officially one.

      And I would say it is both. I don't know him well enough and I also know I'm not ready right now.

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    • I'm not really sure what to suggest. There's no 'right time' for relationships. I had acres of free time in school compared to what I have as a married man with children. To be a relationship isn't necessarily a time commitment in a large way, its more a how you view each other and treat your interactions with each other and the rest of the world commitment.

      I know you're not ready for sex, but i suspect you could kiss for a year and its not going to move things. You 'become ready' by gradually taking steps forward.

      I think you can tell him that where things are physically right now is your limit, it sounds like you're still getting used to that.

      I can't say for sure if he will wait, or not. Then again, if you're not a couple, maybe he's sleeping with other girls in which case he can wait easily because you're just a prospect.

    • Hmm okay. I think I'll just tell him to keep it where things are because I'm still getting used to it.

      He could be sleeping with other girls but I don't think he is. He told me he wouldn't see anyone until we became a couple. He could be lying but i don't think he is.

      I think he wanted to wait because I told him we are moving too fast and I freaked out because he was stressing me out a little.

What Guys Said 3

  • i think you should (in a non-intimate time) explain the pressures you are feeling and explain how that makes you feel. tell him you aren't ready for sex, you aren't comfortable sending him erotic pictures, and whatever else is making you feel uncomfortable

    I think something to always consider though is that if you make it clear what the boundaries are and sexual expectations are and a person still seems to regularly try and push that boundary, then you need to ask yourself do you really want to feel like you have to fend him off until the point you are ready to have sex or whatever

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  • You have to draw that line yourself. You have to decide what you're comfortable with and what you don't want. It's quite simple: wanting sex is fine, but he HAS TO respect your boundaries. Be very direct and clear about it. Tell him you'll have to be able to trust him, if he wants to ever have a chance to have sex with you.

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  • Don't kid yourself.
    If you're 18 or more. you're ready for sex.
    50 years ago, more than 70% of the population were married by 18.

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    • I'm really not ready. The thought freaks me out. He was my first kiss.. No way I can have sex a couple weeks after just getting kissed for the first time

    • Oh well, there you go. I can enjoy sex 30 minutes after the kissing starts, and that's always been the case.
      Maybe I'm a caveman, but it comes naturally.

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