Am I being an ass to my my gf?

I really love my gf but since I'm afraid to loose her I force myself not to be needy or clingy so instead I come across aloof sometimes. Is it ok not to be in the mood and not text her one day out of a month of intense communication? Or is it just plain rude?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I do feel that men and women differ with their perception of neediness. It seems to me that women are perhaps a bit more needy and desire more compassion, increased verbal communication, want to be called pretty PAST of the first 4 months of dating when puppy love has worn off. It seems like a girl being needy is more of a dealbreaker for men then a guy being needy.

    However, it depends HOW you are needy. Are you needy and a doormat? Not attractive. However, do you characterize needy as texting her every day multiple times per day? If that were the case, that is NOT needy, I would love that, haha.

    If you are concerned about being needy, you need to take a step back for a while and observe and monitor your tone. before you say something, think about it coming from someone else to you. Does it sound like something that an insecure/lacking in confidence person would say? If so, DO NOT SAY IT. NEVER let on your lack of confidence unless something is really really bothering you (like you believe she is cheating on you.. don't say things like, "do you really like me? Do you think im good enough for you.. etc. etc." Another good way to help keep these things in check is to wait a while. If she takes hours to respond to your text, take the amount of time and double it.

    Honestly though, if my boyfriend didn't talk to me for a day and I was used to talking to him multiple times per day I would be pissed and confused. It does not turn me on. Just tone down the frequency of texts and make sure there is no ounce of insecurity in your tone. Insecurity is the turn off. It is not frequent contact. Just be confident in your ways, but be kind, a good boyfriend, and have self-respect. Have your own life, activities and hobbies, but when you pay attention to her give your full attention. In short, be there for her but don't be hanging around for her. If you are constantly paranoid about losing her, you will.

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What Girls Said 19

  • It's annoying. You just disappearing just indicates that perhaps you aren't really... I don't know dependable. Even if it's just for a day- it's strange since you're there otherwise. Would be less strange if you were away for a few days a week. If I were her, I'd probably trust you less an feel a bit insecure

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  • One day that's all LOL. Sometimes my bf doesn't text me back when he is busy at work and it makes me so mad. He goes on these night and day work cycles and he feels unless its something super urgent then we don't need to talk. Then in a few days he will let me know he was heads down. My first thought he was cheating but after I learned the cycle I just accepted it plus the overtime he works pays off for me too!!

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  • You sound like my boyfriend! Seariously don't worry about being needy! My boyfriend always call me that and pushes me away if I try to kiss him sometimes and it really hurts my feelings, never do that to a girl! She'll love it if you just kiss her or give her a cuddle out of the blue! :) And definitely don't not text her, that's just screwing with her head. If you genuinely like this girl, don't worry about coming across as needy etc, you're more likely to lose her from staying aloof than from being needy and not texting her! I'm talking as a girl with the same issue who's at breaking point with aloofness. Give her a cuddle!! :)

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  • That's kind of how my fiancĂ© is. As long as you explain it to her I'm sure she'll be understanding and ok with it.

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  • I'm not the typical girl but I don't think people in a relationship should necessarily text everyday. It keeps it fresh that way. When I text someone everyday I can't think of what to talk about.

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  • I would stop thinking about what may happen in the future and be the best boyfriend you can be in the present. If you wanna text great, if not then don't, but don't just not text because you don't want to one across as clingy.

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  • I think if you love one another you shouldn't fear losing her. If there is a day you were too busy to text or want some alone time she should understand, but how do you think she would feel if she found out you were purposely avoiding texting her to keep her interested. That is playing games and I think once you are in a relationship the games should stop. Just be careful because the thing you are do to keep from losing her just might end up being the reaeon she does. Good luck.

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  • It's fine but don't force yourself to not do it. A relationship should be comfortable and should have an easy going flow, so I'm sure she'll understand if your a little tired to text her one day

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  • At least tell her good morning or good night if there is nothing really to be said or your just not in the mood to have a conversation.

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  • Yes that's fine. But if she texts you on that day you'd better talk to her. If she is a little irritated if you ignore her or something apologize and stop. Ask her occasionally if you're annoying her.

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  • That's not very nice. If you don't show her you love her, she will start to think you don't need her or you possibly are cheating on her

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  • No you're not being an ass. Sounds like she's the clingy one.

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  • You're not being an ass for what you listed, but from experience. If you keep "distancing" yourself from her, she's going end up wondering why you don't care or try at all cause that is what it seems like. Became man, if you have to explain to her. At the most shell understand.

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  • I would let her know what's up. As girls, we sometimes get paranoid but it all depends on your girl. Like when my boyfriend doesn't text me a whole day, I get super worried & wonder if he's okay, because like you guys we talk every single day. I would think something was up. She might get worried or think the worst because that's how girls are. Lol

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  • It's ok not to talk for a day but don't do it on purpose. That's just stupid

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  • No, not really. Though if you two are used to communicating with each other every day and then you suddenly don't text her one day, she might get annoyed. But I'd hope she would just assume or know that you're probably just busy which is why you haven't texted her or that you're not an ass-you're just trying not to come across as too needy.

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  • it is a little rude being honest i had that happen to me this past month but not unusual. also let yourself feel something so your not so aloof cause even if you are if something happens your hurt will still b there

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What Guys Said 1

  • I think you should tell her exactly what you wrote here. She'll probably understand.

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