How do I make sure a guy won't control me?

And he needs to see me as smart, as a human being allowed to be imperfect (not expect me to be a perfect little lady), and completely a free agent. I don't want to generalize about guys, but I hear from people that this is a common struggle in relationships. I'm actually afraid to be in one.

Please don't jump down my throat. I don't WANT to generalize!!! I actually WANT to be reassured that I'm wrong here! Surely there are plenty of men who will respect me and not try to control me or change me?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If your in a relationship and he tries to change you then let him know your not changing for anyone and break up

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What Guys Said 3

  • Not all guys will try to control you but >>>INSECURE<<< guys might. If you notice that a guy is getting too possessive over you, it's a sign that he's jealous and will likely become controlling. This is almost always due to a feeling of inadequacy over their new love-interest. A little jealousy is fine for both males and females but these jealousies must not intrude on your behaviour.

    In a relationship, it's important to trust first - relationship later. Most people are so panicked by being alone that they latch on to the next guy or girl that shows a little interest before trusting them and will only exacerbate any jealousy or possessiveness in the future. You must not try to make your partner jealous and it is wise to refrain from suspicious activity that may imply unfaithfulness to aid trust's development.

    The bottom line is that you must have a healthy base of trust and communication with your partner and it is highly recommended that you and your partner are confident, self-secure people. Do this and you'll never have a controlling problem.

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  • Well I can tell you right now that you're wrong, your premiss at least. If you truly expect to go into a relationship staying a 'complete free agent' that won't require to change a single tidbit, you're doing it wrong. I can also bet you that the 1st thing you'll do when you finally meet that special someone is make a metal list of things you'd like to change about him.

    But to answer your actual question, there are certain red flags that controlling people gradually start raising during the dating process (and it could take a while).

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  • "He needs to see me as smart, as a human being allowed to be imperfect (not expect me to be a perfect little lady), and completely a free agent."

    He doesn't need to do anything, he can think whatever he wants and act a completely different way. He can see you as attractive and thats all, imperfect is dumb. Nobody is perfect and everyone has issues, I can't imagine any sane guy expecting you to shit rainbows. As far as 'free agent' not sure what your specific meaning is there.

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    • What I mean is that I can't date a guy who sees women as inherently lacking in intelligence. And by free agent I mean that I am in control of my own self. And why would I want to date someone who sees me as nothing more than attractive? I would hope he would pay attention to the individual person that I am on the inside and outside.

    • I don't think most guys besides players generalize women as 'lacking intelligence'. I base it off how the person acts, so do most guys I would assume. Girls with a brain are a lot more fun to talk to.

      Still don't get what free agent is meant to mean here honestly, you have your own life, like everyone else?

      You can't exactly tell for sure why someone wants to be with you, people lie is my point.

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