He's seeing two other people, I thought I wanted to know, I thought I could handle it, but I don't think I can; so now what?

We met on a dating site back in April and have been seeing each other a few times a week for the past four months. In the beginning, I just intended for this to be a fling, or a hook-up, but I started to really like him and we had a lot of fun together. So for the past few months, we've been sharing TV shows and playing ski ball, and it was all good. About two months in, I became aware that he was wary of becoming involved in a committed relationship because he had had a particularly bad end to a very long relationship at the end of last year. So, I tried to be understanding and just take things as they came, but at the same time, I was starting to realize that I wanted a committed relationship with him. One day I found a long black hair in his bed (I'm a redhead) and I tried to be really calm about it, because after all, we hadn't really ever established if we were seeing other people. So, I asked him if we were monogamous, which I suspected we weren't, and he dodged the question. I asked him again last night (about a month later) and he said that he was, in fact, seeing two other people for the past two months. He told me one of them was just looking for something light and fun, and the other one was polyamorous with a live-in partner. We had a long conversation (Something I am very bad at, because I always end up feeling like I need to qualify my emotions or apologize for them) which essentially ended when I asked if he ever foresaw a time when he would call me his girlfriend and he said no. I wanted to be really okay with this, but the farther away I got from the conversation, the more miserable I began to feel. I am not okay with this, but I really don't want to end things. Ultimately, I feel like to some extent, as long as he's a part of my life, things will be okay. What do I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, he never lied or cheated, he doesn't want to be monogamous, but you'd rather have a piece of him then nothing at all. This guy just wants to keep things light and fun. If you don't wanna ruin it, just let it go, don't mention it again, and enjoy what time you do get to spend together. The only alternation is moving on, which seems like a last resort for you right now.

    He doesn't sound like a bad guy at all.

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What Guys Said 3

  • you aren't going to get the relationship you actually want with this guy and you are going to be unhappy if he is with other people. you shouldn't be in a relationship that doesn't bring you 100% happiness or contentment. All relationships have ups and downs but if the basic foundation of the relationship (in your case basically a casual non-exclusive relationship) is not what you want you shouldn't be in it

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  • well if he's certain he doesn't want to be with you then get proper closure and move on. you can't really change his mind and if you are able too I imagine it would be extremely difficult and a long process.

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  • If you want something more serious, and he doesn't... what are you doing with him? (it's not fair to him)

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