Do guys find it emasculating if a girl prefers to pay for herself?

I've been seeing a guy for around a month but we aren't an official couple or anything.

I feel bad if he pays for my food just because he isn't my boyfriend and it's not like he has a full time job or anything- he's a grad student.

When we get food together I typically pay for myself but he does pay occasionally when he wins lol.

He will still offer to buy me things or pay for me and I do let him once in a while when it isn't anything big, but I prefer to pay for myself in general.

What do guys think of this? Is it emasculating or something? Or would a guy like that a girl doesn't want to be too dependent on him?

It's not like I fight him for the check or anything or yell at him if he pays lol.

When he does pay I say thank you and try to return the favor by getting him something little at least, like a drink or ice cream or something.

I'm just curious what guys think of this!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't find it emasculating but it's pretty rare to see women pay for dates... let alone offer. There was even one girl that wanted to pay for herself and I just said, "Are you sure, cuz I can get it" and she said, "yeah, I'm sure." and I just said okay... Then later, she said she didn't want to go out on another date with me because I let her pay for herself and that I didn't try and fight to pay for her.

    I have had 1 girl that wanted to pay and didn't hold it against me later when I let her, but for the most part... the problem I've seen is that a lot of girls won't date a guy if he doesn't pay. So, when a girl actually would rather pay for herself, the guy insist that he pays because he's not sure if it's going to be held against him later.

    But emasculating? Not at all.

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What Guys Said 10

  • I don't personally find it emasculating.

    That being said, I know some guys who insist on picking up the check because they have dated women who got upset when they didn't. My friend told me when she was dating (she's married now) she would offer to pay on the first date, or at least split the bill. If the guy allowed her to pay or split it, there would be no second date. If her husband allowed her to split the bill or pick it up, she wouldn't be married to him right now.

    Here's a video that sort of illustrates my point.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2eqb2in1jI

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    • That girl is crazy! He clearly tried to pay and went through so much trouble.. She should have helped out. Not like he handed her the bill and told her to pay!

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    • Wow that's crazy. I didn't know how common that type of attitude was. I can see why a guy would be afraid not to pay lol.

    • And I agree, that waiter was a jerk. I wouldn't tip at all either.

  • some might not be comfortable with it... I am not one of those guys. I'm for it and believe if a girl considers herself a feminist (or an independent woman... if feminist is filled with negative connotation) she should at the very least not expect the guy to always pay her way

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  • I don't find it emasculating at all, I actually find it very polite and nice because that is telling me she is not all about using me for my money, for example ordering the most expensive thing on the menu too.

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  • I like clear situations and independent girls. The "guys pay everything" mentality is not for me. It's rather for much older people. People educated in times when girls had no income.

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    • Of course, the day she says me "honestly, I'm out of money" , I'll pick up the tab. But I'd do that for a guy friend too.

  • I always offer if I'm out with a girl, it's the gentlemanly thing to do (and the very least you should do) and if she wants to split it I'm fine with that too, though at no less than 50/50 then you're just being rude. I believe friendships and relationships should be equal, though some basic chivalry on the guys half should still be upheld.

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  • Some guys might, I don't.

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  • no, it doesn't bother me.

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  • Bluemax is absolutely correct. I don't find it emasculating. A lot of women talk about when they don't like a guy, she feels a need to pay for herself, so she doesn't feel a need to "owe him anything". So if a woman insists on paying for herself, the guy might think she doesn't like him. Other times women pretend like they are going to pay for themselves but expect the guy to pay for them, and will judge him harshly if we don't. It is so rare to find a woman that is actually okay with paying that most guys assume she is testing him, or doesn't like him if she offers to pay.

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  • Not at all. I think it's very admirable of her. Definitely girlfriend-material points there!

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  • To me personally I think that's a huge plus

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What Girls Said 1

  • I dated a guy that always insist on paying and he wasn't rolling in the dough or anything... he actually slowly stopped asking me out because he didn't have the means to treat me. Which pissed me off because I was always offering to split to check or pay.

    He found it emasculating.

    I remember one day he went to the restroom at dinner and I just paid. When he came back the lady came back with the receipt and he just starred at me lol. He later told me it makes him feel like a man, courting me. & when his money and my money becomes our money one day - then it wouldn't matter because we are a team. Right now, however, he says that it is his position to pay.

    Great guy. Funny though lol.

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