Where are the nice guys? Why the good girls always been destroyed by jerks?

Where are the nice guys? Why the good girls always been destroyed by jerks?

Updates:
Well... seems like I lead a big discussion... I'll write down the story in another page. Everybody is welcome to comment.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "Nice guys" are douchebags who think they are automatically entitled to a hot girlfriend and sex because they practice chivalry ("I held the door open for you, where's my thank you blowjob?). They talk about how they are always friendzoned, how women are to blame for all of their love life misfortunes, and about the tyranny of "alpha" males.

    In reality, the douchebags vs nice guys fight is really just "Type A" douchebags vs "Type B" douchebags. The problem with "nice guys" is ANYONE can be nice. It's an act. That's why parents tell tier kids to "be nice" when they're fighting. They aren't saying the HAVE to be kind and benevolent towards each other, they just have to PRETEND to like each other, so mom can get some damn peace and quiet.

    The douchebags get women because they act nice until they get sex whereas the "nice guys" act nice but they don't end up getting sex from their lack of confidence. They aren't any different, other than the fact the douchebags manage to get laid while the nice guys sit at home and complain about it on GaG.

    That's what a "nice guy" is, a douchebag that doesn't manage to get laid.

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    • Your argument is somewhat valid but, you don't leave an option for how some guys who are "genuinely" trying to be nice. I mean we're all humans and want to get laid but some guys do nice things for girls they actually care about, they aren't simply acting.

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    • @"There is no such thing as being "genuinely nice" because niceness is an ACT."

      Speak for yourself.

    • Did I ever say I was nice?

What Guys Said 30

  • There are nice guys out there. I ask myself about this all the time where are the nice girls but I have to remember that there are nice girls out there. The problem is that many guys feel that we have to become jerks to get a girlfriend. This is because the nice guys get over looked by many girls. I know this because I am a nice guy and I am over looked and treated like I am scum all the time by girls. I am not saying you are shallow or anything like that but why type of guys are you going for if you are targeting the really good looking ones you will run into far more jerks because they are much more likely to have a "oh yeah I can make any woman want me just like that" kind of attitude. Guys that are more average look are less likely to be like that.

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    • U are correct ma boi

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    • @DeardedDude you are exactly right.

    • and there goes a girl that can not admit the truth.

  • You haven't worked this out?
    Every girl wants a man who is
    * Taller than average
    * More handsome than average
    * Fitter than average (athletic and no fat belly)
    * Maybe more intelligent than average
    * More confident and street-wise than average.

    Take 100% and divide it by 2, and you get 50%.
    Do that 5 times, and you get 3.125% .
    So 3.125% of men are getting most or all of the attention from women. 32 women chasing each of them.
    Do you think they have to try hard and be nice, just to have women around?
    Sorry girls, but you bring all this shit on yourselves. If average girls were happy too be with average men, none of this would happen.

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  • The nice guys are all in the friendzone!

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    • LOL! Dis is funny but true xD

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    • Yeah I see where you are coming from with that statement. I have decided there is such a thing as too nice and that I am too nice towards girls and while I am trying to be nice in general, I have decided I am sick of being treated like I am scum and working on pulling girls up on it when they treat me like. I have decided that is it I don't deserve it and I will not put up with it.

    • Girls "friend zone" guys who make good "relationship material" because they want the benefits of having a male suitor.

      Typical situation:

      You have a girl, a guy (A), and guy (B).

      Guy (A) is shy not very confident but shares interests and values with the girl as well as being her long time friend.

      Guy (B) is confident and suave (probably good looking) but doesn't care too much for a relationship the girl's interests or what they have in common.

      Guy (A) asks out the girl, she rejects him and she says "I don't want to ruin our friendship".

      Guy (B) asks her out in that smooth and suave manner.

      She ends up sleeping with guy (B) as soon as he makes an advance. Then the guy stops texting or calling, since he got what he wanted, and the girl has a broken heart. So the girl decides all guys are jerks!!

  • You say you want a nice guy but you only date assholes
    media0.giphy.com/.../200_s.gif

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  • The "good "girls as you call them are gullible enough to be
    lead on by jerks, so while all the "nice" guys are standing in the
    back of the room being shy, everything you will see are the same "confident"
    jerks that may or may not objectify you.

    Basically, the nice guys are being overshadowed
    by the jerks, so you won't see them unless you really try. ^.~

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  • They're all over the place. You're always looking at them and just moving on. The nicer they treat you, the more turned off you get.

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  • Because girls are naturally sexually attracted to jerks. Girls don't seem to realize that they push nice guys off to the side into the friend zone or instantly reject then as "playing nice just to get in their pants" I'm a 23 year old virgin for that reason.

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    • The girl who thinks the good guy as" playing nice just to get in their pants" might be hurt by somebody else before. Just be patient and respect them, they will get it. Cause that is what I am thinking now.

    • Patience isn't the issue though, it's the fact that they instantly put you into the blackhole friendzone. There is one way in and no way out.

  • the thing is a good guy and a bad guy has certain benefits. the benefits of the bad guy actually attract the girls more whilst she knows the good guy is better she will be more attracted to the bad one. the right thing is to find the middleway or better said the benefit of a bad guy.
    -confidence
    -high self respect
    -doesn't let shit go through him
    I won't list more, the more I say the less of my oppinion will be truth.
    also bad guy never gives himself to the girl, thats why the girl always feel the need to chase for him or the feel of not having him.

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  • This question has been asked way too many times. Jerks tend to be more aggressive and Nice Guys tend to be more passive and many pretty girls only consider guys who are extremely forward because with all the guys approaching them there's no way in hell that they are going to even notice the nice guy

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  • I'm out running or biking, at the gym and also church. Being shy keeping to myself. Proud nice guy here! :D

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  • To be blunt most of the nice guys don't catch ur attention

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  • Because those good girls like most human beings like things that are bad and unhealthy for them. Plus I'd argue that such women are low class women with poor judgment skills rather than being good girls but I shall digress on that point.

    The nice guys are usually the guys you reject because they aren't what you're looking for, you're too busy looking for the jerk because let's face it, nice people are nice, but they're boring. Jerks are far more fun to be around, they add a certain spice to your life, all that drama will keep you occupied long into the day.

    Think about it, if you had a choice between a bowl of salad and a plate of doughnuts would you really want to tuck into the salad and ignore those delicious doughnuts?

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    • Doughnut is delicious but salad is always good though.

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    • I know what u mean. I am just joking... haha

    • Hahaha. Also how do you know a guy is good or bad, high quality or low quality until you get to know his true colours? The answer is 'you won't until you commit to the person and over time you'll learn his true colours'.

      Just make sure if you ever stumble across a high quality man, you make sure you keep him. They don't come around too often.

  • The are all in the freindzone!

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  • The nice guys all got fed up with your crap and joined The Patriarchy, cupcake.

    http://the-patriarchy.weebly.com/

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  • Because the girls don't want the nice guys as they're respectful and often shy !

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  • The same fact good guys attract bitches who leave them for assholes.

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  • The good and nice guys are always in front of you but for some reason they are always friendzoned

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  • Nice guy right here. I just don't do that to people and I'm not going to take shit off anyone either.

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  • im a nice guy we ain't all charlatans me dear!

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  • Why do nice guys finish last? Lel

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  • What exactly is a nice guy?

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    • That's a good question, to a lot of women its "Mr. Perfect". Because I am pretty sure they won't date a jobless, homeless, down on his luck, loser no matter how nice he is.

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    • honest, kind, mature, attracted to you and vice versa, faithful/loyal, funny... list goes on...

    • @want2helpout84, so if you aren't attracted to him and he's not funny then he isn't a nice guy hunh?

  • The proportion of nice / good guys is no different than the proportion of nice / good girls. The women who complain about not being able to find them are the undesirables who simply don't have what it takes to attracted / keep a good man.

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    • So... what exactly is the thing to attract a "good man"?

    • "The thing"? You want me to define what a good woman is for you?

  • Tbh, I was a nice guy and my gf ended up cheating on me then dumping me, so I don't really want to be the nice guy anymore.

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  • Nice guys are usually not good looking enough, or not above average enough for most women. Jerks are jerks because they know that they have a advantage because they know the majority of women are suckers for above average looks and above average money.

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  • There are plenty of nice guys, you ignore them or otherwise dismiss them. Then they turn into jerks (basically the roles reversed in your second question)

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    • you're saying that nice guys will turn into jerks? how so, and why? that just makes it harder for us girls who intentionally go seeking out the good guys!

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    • Now i am thinking to be aggressive and gain more experience too... since the good guy will not knock my door by himself.

    • Yeah that's exactly right!

  • Nice guys are all around you but you ignore them. Nice guys get friend zoned while you women go for jerks. I have no sympathy for you women who complain about being treated badly by jerks because you bring it on yourselves by choosing jerks over good men.

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  • Maybe you should be a little more initiative... Nice guys are normally shy...

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    • Yeah, she said it herself, she waits and goes out with whoever asks her out. Well, if you sit and wait and go out with whatever trash the wind blows up to your feet, you're going to get what you're going to get.. trash. You have to be at least a little pro-active to go get the things you want in life.

  • Don't be desp... when you go for the first guy that asks you out, you sound desp... make him work for it

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  • You know what is funny about this question, is that every girl who asks it, thinks that she is a "good girl"! What makes you think you aren't a "bad girl". It comes across as slightly narrow minded that just because you're a girl that makes you deserving of a nice guy.

    And just because a guy hurts you doesn't make him a "jerk" all the time, if it was intentional then yes but maybe it wasn't. Nice guys are not some endangered species. Finding who is right for you takes patience regardless of gender. Don't just go for the first guy you are attracted to, that's one tip.

    Finding who is right for you

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    • My answer got cut off... Finding who is right for you isn't about simply who shows interest in you. Just because the guys ask you out and you are attracted doesn't mean the work is done. You have to see if he really cares about you. That's the difference between "dating" versus "courting". Its a slow build before you actually give your heat to that person.

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    • Well, the reason I think I'm not a "bad girl" is``````I'm looking for "relationship"... not playing with people and just lead people on for sex. Every time I like a guy, I'm serious and honest. Probabily that is the problem though.

    • Just because you are looking for a relationship doesn't mean you are a "good" or "nice" girl. I don't consider "sluts" who just want sex 'not nice or good'. There are plenty of girls who say they want a relationship but the qualities they look at on men are pretty much just as superficial as the qualities a guy looking for a sex target, looks at on a woman.

      Its how you "choose" and evaluate the people who you date. Because if this guy was a jerk and you dated him then obviously, it was you who had "poor" judgment in choosing this person to get involved with.

      He may not have had a billboard saying he was a jerk but there are signs if a guy is "genuinely" into you versus a guy who is just looking to build up his #s.

  • Probably because you aren't attracted to nice guys. They don't have that edge that makes you drawn to them. They often get overlooked by women as being great guys but boring. So if this happens a lot, go the opposite of what your mind tells you. Give the guy a chance that you'd normally dismiss. It's not a lack of nice guys in the world, it's a problem with the women who claim none exist.

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What Girls Said 7

  • It depends on the specific situation down to the precise mapping of the unique individuals involved.
    It is highly unintelligent to try and attach one scenario to hundreds of different couples. There’s always going to be a unique reasoning behind the dynamic of a couple. Always. Some people can’t help but to put a label on their ex as if they were a teacher with the right to make a grade, rather than simply viewing that man or woman as a work in progress. You want to label guys as a jerk? Fine, that is only reducing your understanding. No one is a jerk or a b*tch for no reason; there is ALWAYS a story behind it. Does that make it acceptable? No, but that does change the answer to your question.

    Yes, there are bad people in this world but no one can destroy you unless you give them the power to.
    Jerks are a test to a woman's strength and if she has decided that the jerk has destroyed her, then what does that say about her choice to either come out of a situation polished or refined or to live in the situation, ragged and rocky?

    So in conclusion, every guy has a bit of jerk in them. The "nice guys" up here become real jerks when you don't validate their nonsense or if you dare let them know that they are not entitled to a woman's warmth and affection simply for being conditionally nice. You are never properly going to navigate through men if you label them into two groups: nice guys and jerks. -_-

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    • 100 percent truth.

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    • If you're not trying to challenge me then you just look passive aggressive talking all this shit about the QA to another person yet not saying it directly to her face. Wtf dude, she doesn't have to "think about it more deeply", this isn't English class and you are not her teacher... you do get that don't you?

    • *2 sentence question, not 3

  • They're out there, don't give up just yet. I was a super good girl 'destroyed' by more than one jerk, to the point that I didn't even bother showing interest in guys for almost 2 years. Then one day I ran into a classmate from high-school at university and he was so nice, I almost suspected a hidden agenda. We started dating and are together till today. He's so nice that it makes me sort of uncomfortable sometimes, like he's borderline naive/idealistic.

    In any case, they're out there. Not many compared to the amount of jerks, but when you find one it's like finding a diamond in the rough. :)

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    • Yeah its hard to find a girl who isn't so slutty either, they are out here but its hard, very few of them just have to look hard for them!!

      Its not that a guy is a jerk maybe he just wasn't right for you and you weren't right for him.

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    • This question is like a guy asking, "How do I find a girl who isn't a slut, how come good girls are so rare?" Its such a naïve and sexist viewpoint to take that jerks outnumber nice people when it comes to men only.

      Good girls are hard to find as well. Its hard to find a girl who hasn't been nailed by some bad boy. Its hard to find a woman who has been wise and shrewd about who she gets involved with.

    • yea I agree. Not saying that I agree with the idea of the question because yes, boys as well as girls who think in that way are often just bitter from a bad experience or two but I was just trying to help the QA out haha.

  • There are around but sometimes being overlooked

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    • Thank You, Kangy. I mean no on says "Oh, where are the nice girls?"

      No, we just meet more people until, hopefully, we find one who accepts us for who we are and is nice to us, : ) !

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    • Yeah I agree completely. To me this is like a guy who gets taken advantage of and rejected by the hottest girls he meets yet he rejects the girls he considered too fat, too skinny, too tall, or too awkward and then asking "Where are all the good girls?"

      Its like maybe that girl who you thought was kinda pretty but too fat, really cared about wanting to be your friend! Maybe if you gave her a chance you wouldn't be wondering why some superficial girl, who was never into you, ditched you like a sack of potatoes! Its like the shoes on the other foot but they don't realize it.

    • Finally a girl that realises there are nice guys out there just we are being over looked. :)

  • I'm sad to inform you but everyone is a jerk we all have some jerk quality in us no matter how nice we are have you ever heard married people or people in long term relationships say their bf/gf or spouse gets them extremely mad at times but never leave them it's because we will never find someone that we deem as always nice person and if we do there is something wrong. We are all different so we will all end up with someone that has or does that thing that erks our nerves to our very core but we love them anyways. And also who someone considers a jerk can be what you consider your sweetheart. It's more about compatibility than someone being a jerk. But I hope you do find your special someone.

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  • Everyone can be jerk to be honest, it depends if the guy want to be "nice guy" or "jerk guy" to you. If a guy likes you, he will give you his world, and he will be categories as "nice guy".

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    • Finally the truth, its weird. I don't think most guys are jerks or most girls are bitches. Now there are times when I get frustrated but nice guys aren't some "diamond in the rough".

    • Yes yes, likewise for girls too. If they likes you, well human nature. Haha

  • Perhaps the girl isn't ''nice'' herself either. My former chess mentor told me once ''Low quality man get low quality woman and vice-versa''.

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  • They are SUPER RARE!!
    Guys can be/are jerks.. you just have 2 keep finding one that you have always imagined a guy to be...

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    • What you said is what I experienced in girls to.

    • I just do not know why people in general both girls and guys can just not be nicer to the opposite gender.

    • There are plenty of nice guys out there just most girls over look us and go strait for the jerks and treat the nice guys like scum. Then complain when their hearts get broken. I have no sympathy for them. That is something girls need to admit they do because they do.

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