Would you date an autistic girl?

I'm autistic. And I don't believe in "high" or "low" functioning. Those are just labels for the degree of visibility of the condition and really have nothing to do with how the autistic person actually is.

Anyway, I've been casually dating this really great guy and I'm afraid to bring up my autism. It significantly affects my life, but I'm worried that there are stereotypes about autism that would make my boy think a) I can never be part of a truly meaningful relationship, b) I'm emotionally stunted, c) I'd be more of a responsibility than a partner, d) I'm not suited for romance or sexuality or e) some other negative assumption.

Thoughts? Has society given you a specific idea of what an autistic person is like, and do you find that this gives you preconceived notions about all autistic people? Should I just avoid the topic all together, even though I feel like it's a significant part of who I am?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The magic of a beginning relationship is the getting to know each other stage by all means let him know he may already know.

    And you absolutely should speak on this subject it as you said a significant part of who you are. Yet at the same time I can tell you choose to not let Autism define you.

    I hope this helped.

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What Guys Said 5

  • I think your best to tell him about your Autism i have certain
    type of learning type disability when i was age 21 i went on
    disability income my reading level was that of a 5th grader
    now i don't know if that changes over the years or stays same
    i do have mental health illnesses as well I'm age 46 but i have
    problems with socializing for fear of getting hurt, i have a problem
    with staring at people without meaning it , i have symptoms that
    are non-existing feeling where i can't feel that i really exist i don't
    know if the mental illnesses has caused this to happen to me
    when i was in first, second grade this school psychologist told
    my mom (late) that i should be able to walk down steps better
    i seem to with-drawl from people i still have the same feelings
    of wanting to have a regular successful relationship with a female
    i do know about sexual stuff but i fear of being rejected by females
    my grammar appears to be very poor too

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    • I hate say this but i do have people call me child but I'm 100 % adult male
      it hurts when people does this to me

  • I think that autism is far too broad of a spectrum to be able give a finite answer for, and I believe that some psychiatrists use the term autism as a sticky-note label for any kind of psychological condition they cannot define. I'm on the higher end spectrum myself with a mild form of Aspergers secondary to a high IQ (though a lot of the theories say that most forms of mental illness go hand in hand with higher IQ), and I waited until I was with my girlfriend for about a year to really explain to her the reason behind some of the social awkwardness I can have. I have to suggest that you wait until you are confident that the person you are with understands who you are and can see first hand what some of the effects are.

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    • The last sentence is pretty much exactly what I was going to say.

  • Nobody's perfect... if I felt compatible with her, I'd give her a try. :)

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  • Personally, I wouldn't. Mainly because of many bad run ins and social relationships with autistic people in the past. Nothing personal.

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    • I really appreciate your honesty. Just wondering, what happened to cause you to feel this way? What if someone you were dating told you they were autistic, or got a diagnosis while you were dating?

    • Well if she got through my date screening in the first place, I doubt there is a issue she could have that would annoy me.

      As for past experiences. They were from supposedly low functions persons who pestered and annoyed me to no end because I was one if the few people nice enough not to alienate him.

  • If I were you I'd wait until he knows you better. That way he won't think you're weird or anything because of stereotypes, since he'll already know you well.
    I'm mildly autistic and only one person has noticed (one of my teachers who has an autistic son). The chances are he won't even know until you tell him so leave it until he knows you well enough for him to dismiss those stereotypes when you tell him.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I work at a pediatric therapy clinic.. I'm not a therapist, but I still get to be around a range of stuff, including autism.
    I've seen it both ways. Some deemed "autistic " sent normal. Some are totally at a disconnect from the world.
    Judging from the way you talk, you should be more than fine

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  • I'd say it all depends on you and where you fit on the autistic spectrum, what the boy of your interest is like - a whole bunch of things. I have a friend who had mild Asperger's syndrome (autistic spectrum) but he is able to function in a relationship and has never had problems in that area. I guess it all depends on the individual :)

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