Should I reach out often, or just wait for them to come to me?

Ok. This is mainly a question for the ladies. When you first start talking to a guy do you wait for him to contact you, or do you reach out to him (after the initial contact). With most girls I'm frequently reaching out to them. If they don't reach out to me is it safe to assume they're not interested, or is that just what y'all do to play it cool?

I have very little patience, so if I'm constantly reaching out to a girl, I'll just erase their number. However, of late I've been doing an experiment and a not contacting girls, but rather waiting to see if they'll say something to me. And they usually eventually ask where I've been. Is that the best approach to make sure they're actually interested?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, I am the kind who likes to be contacted rather than to contact. I admit I don't like to put it out there that I am interested, as to kind of "protect" myself in case I am wrong about the guy (and also, it's about fear of being rejected). When the guy contacts me, though, I respond well, I make conversation, I'm interested in all the stuff about his life, etc.
    I may reach out to him here and there, but I will probably have an excuse for it, rather than just ask "hey what's up?". If the guy doesn't contact me for a while, I will certainly come to him. If I don't, that's because I'm not interested.

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    • Cool. That's what I kind of figured. This type of approach makes sense, and I would think that most "sane" women would behave in the same manner. haha. Thanks for you answer.

    • Glad I could help :)

What Girls Said 2

  • I know from personal experience that having a guy contact you first is always a good thing. The way to see if she's really interested is just to see how much she texts back or how well she tries to keep the conversation going. If she replies with one or two word answers all the time, she's probably not interested.

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    • Good point. Thanks for the comment!

  • Personally, it isn't that I am purposely waiting for him to contact me first, just that it happens that way.
    If she literally never contacts you first, there's a problem though.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I don't even have to be a lady to answer this, the girls want you to reach out to them bruh. they want you to pursue them and court them because you're the man, not them. if you can't be the man then sit down so she can see the man behind you.

    its cool to experiment though.

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    • Lol. It's gets to the point where the girl is going to have to reciprocate. I understand being the man and chasing (I have to scale back from being to persistent). But does it not get old to be the only one that makes contact ALL the time? Maybe you like that. Not me. Seems like a definite sign of disinterest.

    • I actually delved into this with a few girls after I ended things. I asked them why they never initiated anything first and they said since I was the first one and I kept on doing it they were just used to the pattern and let it happen because they expected it. I then experimented and stopped contacting and bam they text me saying we haven't talked in a while and asking what was up lol. so it may seem like they're not interested but you never know. just gotta have a gut feeling about the girl.

    • That's true. Just gotta feel it out. I usually get a hunch about if it's actually going somewhere or not.

  • If you're not reaching out to a girl, she'll assume YOU'RE not interested, and that will kill any interest she might have had.

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