How long is too long to wait?

I'm pretty sure I just started dating this guy. And I've never dated anyone or kissed anyone. And I'm definitely not looking for sex right now but I know it will be at least a year if not more. I don't know if he's willing to wait but how long is too long. Putting aside when you're ready. And in a serious relationship.

We are in college.. Just met. I just need advice

We haven't started dating but I know he wants to. And I think we will eventually if he goes slow-


Most Helpful Guy

  • That depends on your values. Are you religious? Is it a big deal to you to wait until marriage? Engagement? Moving in together? Unlike what BeardedDude said below, maybe FOR YOU that is what makes it a serious relationship.

    ******** Whatever it is, be up-front about it. ******** Tell him it might be a year before you're ready. Or tell him not to expect it at all, then he'll be ecstatic if you change your mind. If he wants YOU (not just your body) he'll wait. There are a few of us still around. I waited, because that's how she wanted the story of her life written. I never pressured her. And it was worth it! When she was ready, it was really great.

    Also, how do you define "sex"? Does that include touching, oral, etc? Not trying to be graphic, just honest.

    In my own experience, it ranged from oral on the first date to the full monty. But usually FOR ME: around a half dozen dates.

    But for you it's different. To be more specific – with you, I'd be different. You have a whole journey of discovery ahead of you. It's not like the movies. There are no natural born lovers, and all sex is not mind-blowing and great. The first time is always awkward. It's a process that the two of you discover together. You discover each other together. It's slow by its very nature. If he's not wanting that journey with you, don't give it up to him. And please, don't buy into the "Hey baby, it's alright, I'll teach you." Tricks are for dogs and whores. It should be guiltless, satisfying, & mutual.

    Imagine you'd never been to Disneyland – would you race around, eyes downcast, to ride the rides he tells you to as fast possible? You see Thunder Mountain and you think, "I'd like to try that." Would it be fun to have your friend going, "C'mon! C'mon! No, that ride sucks. Let's do this one," just because he's been there a hundred times?

    When you're into him –hot, heavy & about to bust– you'll want to do it. You won't need to plan it on a calendar.

    I really hope this helps.


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What Guys Said 3

  • DAMN... A whole year in a relationship without sex. I don't there are many guys up for that, maybe a few, especially in your early 20s.

    That doesn't sound like dating more so "courting", dating usually implies you have sex with the person you're with.

    But if he's a guy with strong values in a relationship, "fidelity, commitment, and sacrifice" then he will wait. But most people in their late teens and early 20s aren't looking for that, especially in college.

    It shouldn't be how long is too long to wait, you should have sex when you want to and feel ready to. Just realize though that sex doesn't automatically make a relationship "serious". But if you want to wait to have sex till you're in that type of relationship then make sure its with the right guy.

  • Within a month is preferable. After 3, I would cease to be interested - it would pang too much of high school and piecewise escalation of sex and would make me feel used or unwanted; relationship cannot exist on basis of sex alone, but relationship cannot exist without sex as it is simple means to make each other feel good and relaxed.

  • You're "pretty sure" you just started dating him? You should talk to him about this issue once you actually establish between yourselves that you two are in a relationship.

    Also good luck finding a guy who will wait a year without sex. If you do find one, he's a keeper. That's loyalty you can't buy.


What Girls Said 2

  • You should wait until you're ready, if he isn't willing to wait then he isn't worth your time. You should never feel pressured into having sex; period.

  • Minimum is 10 months, and I don't know if the guy would wait more than a year. It depends on him.