He opened up to me about everything, his abuse, family, and more... then when I opened up he just stopped talking to me. What are reasons for this?

He is 28 I am 21. When we first me he as really sexual at first but he calmed down from it. However, he always talks about himself, belittles me (grammar), he never asked about anything about me, he only texted and messaged me, first date he talked a lot about his ex's each one was different (he has to many ex's). But at the end of this dating thing or what ever it was he got a little sexual again via text and I told him I just could not do it. Mainly due to the fact that I was sexually abused in the past and it was traumatic (need to take it slow-due to triggers). After that he said everything is fine but after that I never heard from him unless I text him.. he never initiated again. Now he is saying on fb (stupid site) that he has a preference for a different race of girl (that obviously is not me). I gave him slack b/c he was in the military-that was a mistake. We only talked for three months.
He only lives a state away but we met in person for a date. He is in the military if that has anything to do with it. I don't talk to him anymore but why would someone do this?

Did I do something wrong? Was it hypocritical that he could not hear one thing about my past but he told me things about his that were similar. What can I do in the future to avoid this when I date someone else?

Updates:
Thank you to anyone that responded I really appreciate this. Thank you.
This was my first time dating, still a virgin, never had a boyfriend... I think this is why I was so niece. He was only the second guy I kissed

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds being you were not this 'Booty call' babe, he has found many lame duck excuses to Stop contacting you And----Got cold bird feet. I believe from what I am reading this is Mostly what this soldier was after, and I will not stray from my answer.
    Anytime a guy doesn't ask you Anything about yourself, is all octopussy, and then comes up with all these lame brain excuses, along with putting you on their pay no mind list, he is After a little thing called---------Sweet Cherry love.
    Forget him, sweetie, be glad he 'Dismissed' himself from your life. And now you know what a sweet 'Still a virgin' like yourself has to 'Look for' when a smooth operator comes rolling around.
    Good luck. xx

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    • Thank you. :)

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    • I definitely will :D

What Guys Said 2

  • This behaviour is classic of a child abused as a child. Sad though it is they are damaged goods. They are very self absorbed, lack empathy and are controlling and as you become more drawn in and they feel more secure, they can be abusive.
    Abused people often become abusers as this is what they have been conditioned to accept when they were young. Many women think they can fix these abused people. It is not possible without professional help that they will not look for.
    Initially he told you about this to gain sympathy and also to gain initial emotional control. Then he belittles your character. This is not compassionate but is a way of reducing your confidence to slowly gain more control. I suggest that you keep your distance from this character and people with these problems as they destroy others in order to make themselves feel good, confident and powerful. .

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    • Your right. I never thought that I could change him because I have been through it and healed from it ( I understand the process). And I think he used his abuse as a way for sympathy (as you said) v. s. I told him in order for him to better understand me and to understand my limits. I really appreciate your answer. Thank you.

  • He sounds like an asshole.

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    • I thought so too. I was not sure if this was normal because this was my first time dating. Thank you so much. I am glade that I do not talk to him anymore.

What Girls Said 3

  • He is a narcissist. Block him and ignore him and be glad you did not do anything with him.

    -Fox

    By the way, real guys do not do that because they have balls and are not wimpy little whiny horny assholes.

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    • We stopped talking to each other. I deleted him from every thing. Thank you so much. I just didn't realize it you know. But now I know :) that there are better people outthere

    • Good luck my dear! :)

  • I don't think it's that you opened up to him that made him stop talking I think it's that he just wanted to have no strings sex and he saw he won't get it from you

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    • Thank you so much. I guess it was a good thing I opened up then lol. I thought it was my fault. But I see that this is not normal and that he really was not a good person. Thank you.

  • He sounds like a jerk. Who just wants a fling or sex. But I applaud you I'm what my friends call a 'Clean Freak' because I've never had a relationship and I'm a virgin. I refuse to brake my streak. Your reasons are different from mine but we're in the same place. Again he sounds like a jerk.

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    • I think you are right. Thank you so much you all really helped me a tun. I didn't know if this was normal or not since this is my first time dating and all that lol.

    • Np. Hope next time is better.

    • I hope so too ^_^

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