So my girlfriend has always had really low self esteem. When we met she already didn't have a lot of self confidence and she was really shy.
I noticed she doesn't like compliment and doesn't accept compliment well. If I told her I thought she was beautiful she would keep denying it, or if her friend give her a compliment she would think she was lying. Anyways I would tell her she looked nice or pretty and she would always say " no I'm not, I'm fat". I would try and comfort her but eventually give up.
But lately I notice whenever we go out she won't eat, or if I offer to get her something she always reject saying it will make her fat. Or she says she not hungry. We did this overnight thing for school and she didn't eat the whole day, and whenever I offered her food she'd just say she's thirsty. I'm getting really concerned, she's starting too look kinda thin. When I brought up that she looked thin she got kinda happy.
She's not fat she just not skinny. Also all her friends are these tall sticks and she always says she wished she looked like them.
Also I don't really know if I can go to her parents. She only has her dad and he always tells her she looks fat and short, so he's obviously no help.
I just don't know what to do. I want to help her but I don't know how.
Most Helpful Girl
Try an approach that my boyfriend used on me and it worked.
Be a man with her. A rock and a guide. Almost like a parent she obviously never had. If you can't do it, don't try.
Shit like this doesn't come out of nowhere. It's a consequence of lifelong rejection, trauma and fears.
Most guys when traumatised, lash out and destroy everything around them and themselves abruptly. Most of us girls when traumatised close up and destroy ourselves slowly. We disappear. I say most, there are exceptions.
My boyfriend openly told me what he thinks. He told me I look sick and it's unnattractive. He then gave me a plate full of food and demanded I eat. I refused. Then he demanded I admit why I think I'm so fat. I gave him a lie about being fat. He asked if I was beaten. If something is wrong. He kept asking about all these morbid things like if my father touched me, or even if I've been bullied in school. I kept denying and trying to change the subject. He kept insisting. We got into a fight and I tried to run home, but he grabbed me, hugged me and told me he loves me and that I'm not going anywhere. In that moment I found myself in his arms, I broke down and started crying like a child.
I may have freaked him out a little too, but I couldn't stop. I think he cried too, but I couldn't see anything.
When I stopped crying I told him how I my dad was an alcoholic and how he beat my mum. How I was fat from early childhood and used food to escape. How I was teased, rejected and how I never, ever felt pretty no matter how skinny I got later in life.
When I dried my face, he gave me a plate of food again and told me to eat. He didn't plead, or ask. He just expected me to eat. And there was nothing violent about this demand. It was simple and the most comforting fucking thing I ever felt in my life. He kept checking up on me and making sure I eat all the time from that point on.
I am now running again because my energy is back and my boyfriend says I look beautiful.1