He is not paying during dates.. should I say smth or just leave it alone?

Hello everyone.

So there is this guy that i like. We met at a party and had a first date last week and are supposed to meet today again..
Last time the date was great, the only thing that bothered me is that he split the bill on the first date.
I may have kind of an old school way of thinking. I'm generous especially in a relationship, i'm not some a selfish person who expects everything from others. I like to do little surprises to my partner, i buy him presents often, make my bf's lunchbox for work, do his laundry, clean his place, work out and visit by beautician pretty often so I always look nice, etc... i mean what pretty much girls do if not a little more sometimes.
I like to take care of my man and to me, expecting guys to pay is not just a way to take advantages their money, if that's what some guys may think. But it shows me that he's going to take care of me as i am willing to take care of him. I don't know if that make sense.
I just take my parents as role models, they have a great mariage, my dad is the kind of man any women would want. Even at the time he was struggling when migrating to Europe, he made sure my mom had everything she needed.

I am not dating just to date, i am now looking for my future life partner, as i feel ready for getting married, that's why i pay attention to such details.

So should i explain to him the way i think today and tell him that i don't want to pursue things or just cancel the next date without mentioning the reason?

I don't want to force him into paying or anything. So i tend to think that its not worth it to say something... but what do you guys think.

PS: Please don't be judgmental about my visions of how I like my relationships to be. Everyone does things their own way. I'm not here to debate on that. I just want to know if I should give him my reasons, or if it's too delicate.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Tell him. Give him the opportunity to decide if he wants to do it your way or not. You are holding him up to an ideal that he doesn't know he is being compared to, and that isn't fair to him. If a guy paying for you is that important to you, then tell him that it is and that you just can't date someone who doesn't live up to the romantic notion you have in your head. You are allowed to have those notions, and you are entitled to think that way, and to have that as a 'must have' in a relationship. But that doesn't mean that he knows those are your reasons. I've dated girls that get upset when I've tried to pay the entire bill, because to them it implied that they were not capable of taking care of themselves or that they were dependent on me financially. With some of them it was literally a deal-breaker if I DID pay for them. So don't assume this guy just knows what the rules are in your head. You have to tell him. He may walk away. He may not do it and you walk away. He may think that's fine and then you two can move forward. But at least you will have provided him the chance to make that call, to participate in the relationship as an equal.

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    • Thank you for your answer. You're right i'm going to tell him.

    • Good decision. I hope things go well for you.

What Guys Said 3

  • Great for you girl. I wish there were more women like you out there who have such values and morals. Traditionally, a man should always pay. If he has not done so and you have been together for a while now, then you must confront him and let him know your feelings. You want to make sure you understand the underlying reasons he may have i. e. broke, isn't sure about the relationship, saving, etc. Either way, that is not what a gentleman does, and from what it seems like, you want a man who will treat you just as you treat him. If there are no reasons, then tell him straight up. Moving on will lead you to someone greater, because that greater person exists for all of us.

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    • Thank you very much. You guys changed my mind, i'm going to talk about it. We'll see how it goes =)

    • Not a problem! Let us know how it goes ;)

  • Man always pays. That's my take.

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  • He's clearly not the type of guy for you.

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    • I think so too. Even tho he seems like a nice guy.

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