What does it mean if a guy being nice to you then ignore you after first date?

So I met this guy through online dating, I initiated the first message and most of the time I was also the one who texted him first. He did text me first but rarely.
After chatting for about two weeks. We end up meeting for a drink on Thursday night. We just clicked even though he was older than me, he's 42 and I'm 22. He was nice, pleasant and engaging. After a while, he started to hold my hand and we kissed at the end of the night. He sent me home and kissed me again before he left. Soon after that he texted me to say that he was home and I thanked him.
I texted him again the next day, he replied for a few times then stopped. I decided not to bother him as he informed me beforehand that he's going overseas this weekend. Anyway he's always not available on weekend.
However, on Monday he still didn't text me. I didn't want to seem so desperate though so I decided to wait. On wednesday, I finally texted him again but he didn't respond.

What does it mean though? So does it mean that he wasn't interested or that he changed his mind? Or am I being played?
I didn't have much experience in online dating or hook ups, so I'm very confused.
Please advise me on what to do. I don't want to keep on waiting and hoping if he wasn't interested.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is the problem with chasing the man too much. Not saying this doesn't happen plenty in reverse, but a man chasing a woman will not change a woman's attraction toward him in a sexual and/or romantic way. In fact, it could increase it. She also will not choose to date him simply because he's chasing her either.

    However, a woman chasing a man? Sure, it may make a guy like her more in "guy world." Which means sexually. She's an easy sexual target. But it doesn't mean he's considering her for a relationship at all at this point, and he may agree to dates and act interested simply because he's interested in sex. This isn't in a mean way, this is just how guys operate. So when guys say they "love it" and "like women more" when they do this, they mean in a guy way, which is purely sexual at first. It can become impossible for the girl to know whether he's considering her for a relationship, and it also takes a lot of that chase away. There's nothing wrong with initiating texts, but he should be initiating more.

    Also, his always being "unavailable" on the weekends. I suspect he's married or has a girlfriend.

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    • Thank you for the advice. I've decided to let it go.
      Like you said he rarely initiate the text and he's always busy with his other commitment so maybe he did have someone else or he just wasn't interested. I just wish he has the courtesy to let me know.

What Guys Said 3

  • Try another message or two, but then pull the plug. Make sure to say that you had a good time but that you are going to take continued silence to mean he is no longer interested. A LOT of guys, particularly nice guys, don't like a big confrontation, and while they may have had a good time, if they decide not to follow up and start dating the girl they will just fade away and stop responding, in the hopes of avoiding a confrontation. It's so common that it actually has a term: ghosting. Basically, a nice guy too scared to say no.

    I don't think you are being played. I think the guy is just unsure about proceeding, and trying to avoid confrontation.

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    • I'm not sure if I should continue since he ignored my last text too. I mean, I am interested to see if we could continue since our first meeting went well but I didn't want to keep on trying if he wasn't interested.
      Also during the first meeting we didn't even touch about the topic of relationship just hang out as friend and he was the one who initiate the kiss.

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    • I guess you're right. Thanks for the advice, really appreciate it :)

    • You're very welcome :)

  • " So does it mean that he wasn't interested or that he changed his mind? Or am I being played? " Probably both. Let it go and move on. And honestly, try to avoid looking for people exclusively online.

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  • Maybe you got lucky. The dude is 20 years older than you!! If i were you i would just go and have fun with your friends. Some guy who is much younger and probably more attractive will come by and pick you up and take you home. Rather than hooking up with a 42 year old. No need for online dating at 22.

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    • Haha thanks :)
      Well... I didn't know that he was much older before meeting him.

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