Should I tell about my insecurity to my boyfriend or would it make things worse?

I really love my boyfriend and I know he loves me. We're really different, though. He's always been the popular kid, star of sports, good-looking and fit, funny, smart - leading to a really good self esteem even a bit too cocky occasionally.

My background is completely different. I was bullied at school because I used to be overweight as a kid. I lack self esteem, not that much anymore but in some occasions it's quite obvious. I'm really worried how others see me and if they like me. I know I'm kind, nice, relatively pretty and have lots of good qualities. Still, I feel really low every now and then.

Especially I don't like my body. I have fighted with my weight all the years, sometimes I've been even obese sometimes underweight... Now I'm on the thick side, not technically fat but definitely could lose some pounds (which I'm trying to do).

My boyfriend says I'm beautiful and hot and it's silly to think something else. He knows I want to lose some weight but he always says I don't need to, I'm fine as I am. And that if I was too fat he'd say it... I don't know. I try not to talk about my insecurities with him because I'm worried he'd not like me if he sees how unconfident I am.

Basically, I've found myself wondering all days why he is with me, when he could get some slim super gorgeous popular girl? I'm afraid I'm not good enough for him. I've been so sad and started to vomit after eating, because I'd like to be skinny for him. And I feel like I'd like to talk about all this with him, but I'm worried he'd see me differently? Or would he even be able to understand where I'm coming from?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You want to be open and honest about this, and talk to him about it. But, there is a very big thing you have to keep in mind here. You do not want to continue to say the same things all the time. I have had to deal with a partner with serious insecurities, and it took me years to help her work through them, but constantly bringing it up was a big problem. The reason is what you are basically telling him is that you don't believe him. You are flat out telling him that you think he is lying to you. If you say 'I am insecure and here is why', and then he says 'don't worry, I think you are great the way you are', what you are implying when you say you are not good enough is that you don't believe him, you don't believe that he thinks you are great the way you are and that he is happy with how things are. You are getting so caught up in your own insecurities that you are projecting your fears onto him and not listening to what he is saying, or letting him prove he cares for you through his actions. And that can eat away at the relationship far more than you realize. He could end up leaving not because you were heavy, or because of anything physical, but because he couldn't take the constant second-guessing.

    You need to ask yourself, do you trust him, or don't you. If you do, then take him for his word. If you don't trust him, then ask yourself why you are in a relationship with someone you don't even trust. People have vastly different tastes, don't constantly second guess his intentions because you don't feel you live up to some hypothetical ideal (that nobody ever really reaches anyways). And please, bulimia is 100% not the answer. It is terrible for you, and he will feel terrible too. Bad all around.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Tell him how u feel and what your insecurities are. Good relationships r built on open honesty and good communication. n besides, not every guy likes super skinny girls. not sure where thaet myth started but he's with u for a reason


What Girls Said 2

  • If he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't be. I'm sure you are fine because we usually see ourselves much differently than our partners see us. You say you're thick? A LOT of guys like that. Everyone has their preferences but curves and some booty is not a problem for most people! I always hear girls saying they want to be thinner and guys saying they like bigger girls. Don't vomit after eating or do anything unhealthy. If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself and to be healthier and more confident, not for anyone else. Do it the healthy way too. But it's your choice. He obviously finds you beautiful and I'm sure you are!

    • Thank you :) I hope your right. I'll try to think more positively about myself :)

    • Good, you should :)

  • You should talk to him about it, you shouldn't keep anything from him