So I am 20 & my 34 year old boss has been what appears to be "flirting" with me for over a year now & brushing against me as he walks past for about 9 months! I think either he is too shy to say he has feelings for me or he is just doing it for fun. I got a membership at the gym he goes to & was "accidentally" running into him there after work nights & a few other days. This went on for a couple of months. Now it's just back to him brushing against my shoulder or back when he walks by several times at work. I truthfully am interested in this man & think there could be some serious chemistry there... however I have been stuck for quite some time now due to the fact that he has a girlfriend & they have a baby! I am even more torn because he talks about how much they fight & hints around about his friends dating much younger women. They do not live together & have been together for three years now & she wants him to propose but he claims "a ring is too expensive" but clearly he doesn't want to marry her. I never in my life thought I would be in this situation. I cannot come out & tell this guy I have feelings for him due to the fact that he has a girlfriend & child but I feel like he is teasing me & leading me on, & I have not been able to get him out of my head for months & it's actually becoming unhealthy. Can someone please not judge me but give me some good advice and consider both sides of it? (Me being with him and me not being with him) I really need help. Thanks.
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He is walking an incredibly dangerous line with sexual harassment in the workplace. In fact, just brushing against your shoulder and back all the time could be considered already crossing the line with some stricter interpretations of the law. Would he brush against the shoulder of a big burly man that was a coworker too? The thing with sexual harassment is that it is more than just the boss and the one coworker, it can be a problem for others in the office too. What if you get a promotion over another coworker? Are they going to think that it is because of your skills, or because you are the bosses pet? If it is a woman that you get promoted over, she would have a legitimate labour concern and could claim that she didn't get the promotion because she wouldn't let the boss touch her.
It is not uncommon for a woman to 'fall' for her boss. The stories of 'the secretary on the side' have arisen for a reason. It has to do with 'getting to know him as a person' combined with a position of authority and the alpha male tendencies that go with it. It's appealing on a very fundamental level.
He is clearly leading you on, and it could actually be considered illegal. And there is a reason that it is. Believe me, I am not judging you, I understand completely WHY you feel like that, and you can't help that, but acting on it would be a terrible mistake.
Also keep in mind that this guy is not a good guy. Do you think he tells his girlfriend that he 'brushes' up against you? Do you think she would like him flirting with you? She is thinking they are close to a permanent commitment, and he is not only avoiding it but flirting with other women on the side. "A ring is too expensive" is about as bullshit an answer as you can give, as you can always get a cheaper ring to start and a more expensive one as an anniversary gift later. It's a lame excuse and indicative of a manipulative, evasive personality. Plus, you can't have a relationship of equals if he is your boss. Ever.1