Why is it that men expect SO much out of a woman and give nothing in return?

To start, im not a feminist, im just a realist.

Im 21 years old, i have my own apartment, car, and career where i make 30-60 dollars an hour, so i do pretty good for myself, as should every woman my age.

But it always seems when i meet guys, or i talk to them, or see answers on questions on here, men are always talking about how a girl better be offering the best sex or she better be the smartest woman or best housekeeper. its always that the woman should be going above and beyond for her man and that she better have special skills and talents and she should just treat her man like he's a god and she's lucky to be with him...

but then the man acts like he doesn't need to offer anything in the relationship but just being there. Why is it that men expect everything from us woman who are out here doing what we need to do, and in this day and age, doing better than men, but they dont give crap in return?

Why do you think you're so special?

And again, im not trying to crap on men, i just want real answers and im also not implying that ALL men are the same, this is not a sweeping generalization, its just easier to put this at the end. I love men, not saying i dont.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you're collectively taking every guy's opinion on their "ideal" mate and combining them which gives the impression that each guys collectively wants all these things.

    Honestly, a lot girls I see nowadays are just wallflowers expecting guys to do everything for them too. I got a coworker who kicked his girlfriend outta his place because he was tired of doing her clothes and letting her stay there when she did nothing but get spoiled. Plus I honestly see a lot of girls with "laundry lists" as people call them where they want "Mr. Perfect" and this huge list of "must have's" is at the bottom of their dating profile and it's so big that... years later... they're still on the site actively looking shouting "There are no good guys left!" on their profiles.

    So this honestly goes both ways. I think guys are far more laid back. If anything, I see guys being criticized for only basing their "standards on looks alone." We got guys chasing some really horrible girls just because they have a nice rack and such.

    I personally think that guys need to base their "standards" on more than just looks while girls need to stop basing their "standards" of guys on possessions. Guys know that girls are looking at things like income levels and job titles when they look for a mate.

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What Guys Said 13

  • I don't doubt what you're saying reflects how things seem to you. To me and I think many (most?) men it seems like the opposite - that most women have a huge list of things they want while expecting nothing in return.

    I think part of it is that giving people seem to have a magic knack for ending up with users.

    I think another part is that what we want often seems simple and obvious and may be something we would happily provide. What other people want seems odd.

    I'm surprised by your comments about intelligence and income because most men I know care very little about those things. I've also never heard a man talk about whether a woman is a good housekeeper.

    It is true that most men have high expectations around sex. That seems simple and obvious to us. Why are you in a monogamous relationship if the sex isn't great (mutually!)? You can hire a housekeeper.

    I think half your issue may be dating narcissists. But half is that you can make lots of money be smart and funny and well travelled and if you're not enthusiastic in bed, men wouldn't want to date you. Most men don't want that much but they DO care about the sex.

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  • In terms of earnings and maturity, you're far above the national average for 21 year olds. Forget gender. Most people cannot match what you've accomplished at 21. Unless you live in Beverly Hills or NYC, most guys are going to be a comparative disappointment. Get used to that.

    As far as I know, most guys, including myself, understand that throughout history we have been relied upon to be the sole breadwinners. That isn't expecting to provide "nothing", in fact, that is expecting far too much. Women are excelling in academia and are competing for the same positions that men seek in order to "provide". Provide for what now? This idea of marrying a subordinate homemaker who will be forever dependant on his salary is obsolete... At least in more progressive regions.

    So I kind of get what you're saying. When guys don't have their superior earnings potential to lean on, they have to offer other thingspartnerships and generally don't, because they are, well... men. Relationships have evolved from tribalistic bondage to an equal partnerships and it's nice to see. Undoubtedly you'll see plenty of people who won't let go of traditional ideals, that's just a fact we have to live with.

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  • Are you fucking kidding me? Don't you mean women? All the men i know are hopeless fools who'd give their left nut just for some ass and titties. I keep pressuring the men around me to have some self respect because they've lowered their standards so much they'll give everything they have to a woman and that kind of desperation is nothing i can compete with. Meanwhile women have these irrational standards that apparently make the average woman think she's a god among men while technically if every woman is special then no woman is. They have these crazy lists of mandatory things like rich handsome big cock 6 pack abs AND charming funny nice and respects you. Thats too much to ask! 6 pack abs alone is only 1 in 35,000 and most of those are women because its easier to get with their body types. Not to mention the probability of finding all of those things is exponentially higher for every criteria you add.

    If you constantly find yourself finding men are expecting too much of you, then is probably one of two things.
    A.) You are completely INSANE
    B.) You are denying men of the 1 thing they actually do want, which is sex. You had one thing to do, one thing, and you didn't do it, and now you're crying because he won't give you backrubs, buy you dinner, tell you that you're special, and take you places. Thats right, just because men only want sex doesn't mean they're not willing to give you everything you want and more. Get everything you want AND get laid, only women would find a reason to complain about that. Sounds like a great deal to me.

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  • Well everyone has certain standards and expectations, that's common in both men and women, some men want smart girls, amazing sex, or women that can cook really well, etc. or have all of those things. It is important to remember however that no one can ever meet 100% of your expectations 100% of the time, but some men (and women) can't grasp that and therefore break off relationships. It is important though to have a core set of attributes that you'd want your SO to have, but be realistic. Sometimes it takes a few failed relationships to understand what you do and don't want. Also remember that some people may be picky because they are looking for someone to spend the rest of their life with. I'm not defending shallow people and the like but just trying to give some perspective.

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  • well to start if you keep encountering these types of guys... maybe you should go some place else. And there is absolutely no way your going to keep away from guys like these cause they are everywhere O_O

    I don't know what it is, could be that alpha complex or those traditional guys that think they should be on a pedestal. Most of them are like that for only two reasons... it worked for them in the past, and still does sadly, or they think it works, and their failures are blocked by denial.

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  • It's a hang over from a few years back its how our grandparents lifted the man worked the woman stayed at home. It's getting better but men have a lot of catching up to do.

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  • women should bow to me as i walk across the street and kiss my feet. they should lay down on a puddle for me if i have to walk across it. in fact women shouldn't be allowed out of their houses without being accompanied by a man lest she wants to be arrested. all women should cook and clean and make babies because thats all they are good for.. let the hate begin..

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  • Not all men are the same, its just that some of them have bad standards and expect too much, there are some of them out there like me that do not expect too much from a woman. You just have to find the right one

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  • This is hilarious. It's the other way around.

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  • So women don't have preferences of their own? I'm pretty sure most of them want tall, good looking, successful, rich, talented, confident and popular men.

    If you can't get a partner its your fault, not the fault of the entire opposite gender.

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    • I didn't say that, woman are a lot easier to please then men. A girl would be happy with flowers just because its tuesday, but a guy needs to have a damn good bj or you're just no good, thats how most men come off. second, i never said i can't get a man, im saying i dont WANT a man like that, and im wondering why it is that woman need to be perfect but men dont. A woman gets pregnant and gains a lot of weight and the man is all up her ass to make sure she loses it or hell get unattractive to her and cheat on her and then use that as an excuse, but if a guy gains weight most women are supportive of that and some are ok with it, women are not allowed to let themselves go but in mens eyes, they can. and you can deny that all you want, but its true

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    • and I've never stated whats "good enough for me" because thats not what needed to be in my question. you are just assuming. but what i said i didn't want was a man who felt he needs someone sub par or you're just useless.

    • That wasn't something you said, it was the gist of what you were saying. YOUR standards are too high. This is why you can't get a partner who meets your standards. This isn't my opinion. This is fact.

      If men have too high standards why do many of them have relationships? Surely they wouldn't be able to get a girlfriend/wife if they were expecting more than they were offering? Kind of like how you can't?

      And if its not all men then what is the problem? Just date the men who don't have too high standards. Unless of course they don't want to date you either lmao.

  • Nearly everyone enjoys being pampered. As a result, men and women both want unrealistic things from a partner. That doesn't mean that we don't contribute as much as they do in real life. Women have the same unrealistic desires, but you likely don't notice it since you are a woman, so aren't as sensitive when hearing what women claim they want in a man.

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  • This question is so pathetically female biased I don't even know how to respond. I guess I'll just chalk it up to you seeing only what you want to see, which sadly is pretty ubiquitous among modern females.

    At least one female (Creole_Flavor) gave you an honest, realistic response. The others are sadly typical.

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    • I just read the first female response here. The enthusiasm with which you agreed with her bitterness speaks volumes about your mindset. I feel sorry for women like you two. I really do.

  • I have no idea. I personally notice the opposite way more often

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What Girls Said 4

  • I think a lot of men can say the same about women even more then women can say about men thats for sure. Most women always look for the perfect guy because growing up they feed into the bullshit they see in movies and read in romance novels and life just does not work that way. Every woman is not a princess and every guy out there sure as hell won't be a prince charming. It's ok to have standards and even high ones. I think the important thing is you need to have those standard for yourself as well. You may never really find your equal in everything, but if you seem to run into guys that require what they don't want to give then just find someone that does.

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  • I agree. It seems these days guys won't bother settling down for anyone unless they're absolutely extraordinary because otherwise "why bother?" somehow most of the guys my age seem to think they're this hot commodity despite bringing nothing but a functioning penis to the table and yet they feel like god's gift to women. they think that they can get with anyone they want and no girl is worthy enough to marry etc because it's a bum deal for them. alimony, child support, etc. they think we're not worth it anymore because cheap easy tail is not hard to come by.

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    • EXACTLY what im saying by this! Of course we have our expectations, but we are asking for someone perfect and out of this world! We are more forgiving on looks or income or whatever if the guy has a really nice personality. All women go through a shallow period in their lives but it doesn't last forever like the mens do.

    • *we aren't asking for perfect lol

  • I understand what you mean and i think its from the at home teaching and again its not all men but majority of men mothers do everything for them and they dont have to do anything so when he gets wit a woman he's looking for that mother figure because he was will taken care of he didn't have to iron clothes cook dinner clean up or etc all he had to do was wait around and everything will be taken care of for him a lot of mothers spoil there sons without even knowing it making it hard for them to grow up the bad part majority of these men are good men they can treat a woman because the teachings from mom but at the same time because of the teachings of mom they can slave a woman thats when you step up as a woman and you tell him im not your mom im youe woman i dont mind cooking but you need to pick up a broom take out some trash meet me halfway... only to the ones thats worth is

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  • I'm really not a feminist either but also I see how my fiance expects me to do literally everything, treat him like a king but in return well, I dont really get anything back

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