Why do we normally get turned down by our crushes?

It seems like most of the time people get turned down by their crush (I always have).


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I guess we'll get rejected more times than we can count before we find that one person. A break up is a form of rejection too. You don't want to be with that person anymore or they don't want to be with you. So imagine you date 12 girls (to say something) in your whole life, then you will get dumped or dump 11 and just be with one.
    If you look at it like that then rejection is pretty normal. The hard thing is to be positive and not get upset about it. I know I do. Just think that someone somewhere is meant for you: and keep looking! I always blame myself for not being good enough, but we should just think they aren't the one!
    Haha you'll see, someday, you're still young

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    • It's hard because the very definition of a crush is a brief but intense infatuation for someone. So you THINK that they are the one for you. My last crush on the outside just seemed so perfect (even though we barely talked). She's a very smart girl (takes a lot of AP classes), seems and sounds mature from the way she speaks (I love hearing her voice), and she's just beautiful to me (meaning I don't know how attractive she is considered by conventional standards, but to me, she's gorgeous and I feel a ton of physical attraction to her). The thing is that these are a lot of the qualities (being smart, mature, and polite) that I supremely look for in a girl (I also look for honesty both with how she conducts her life and who she is - be yourself) because it gives me the vibe that she'll be willing to be in an actual romantic relationship (because these are the types of girls that are less interested in casual dating, it seems). And they are just so pleasant and refreshing to be around.

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    • Exactly, and I am thankful for that.

    • She gave me no reason to think that she would be interested.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Because most people you happen to have a crush on don't randomly have a crush in you.

    Stop waiting around for crushes and just flirt with girls. And If they flirt back and you're interested ask them out and see how things go.

    Determining some mutual interest is the starting point. Don't build a fantasy relationship with some girl in your head before checking to see if she wants to be part of it.

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    • Great advice. This is what I needed to hear. The only problem is that I don't know how and am kind of confused.

      You are telling me to flirt with girls that I am not interested in, or what? I don't understand how you just go around flirting with girls.

      And what exactly constitutes as flirting? I remember this one guy saying that flirting is when you accept sexual feelings and attraction toward a girl instead of surpressing them and embrace them as you speak to her so it shows through your body language when talking to her. Is that all it really is?

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    • Part of the problem is that I am a lonewolf with extremely low social status. Add to that that I am not physically attractive by conventional standards (quite short, minority race, baby face).

      No I won't let those things hold me back, but I am just pointing them out so you can know what I am working with here.

    • So you will get a lower success rate, perhaps.

      You know social skills are called -skills- for a reason. They are in fact skills that can be developed. If yours are lacking, tackle them directly. They are as important in your future - not just romantically - as math or writing.

      Baby face sucks now, but is good later in life.

      How fit are you? Do you workout?

What Girls Said 7

  • because a crush, by definition is someone that we instantly have intense feelings for... there's no rule that says they have to reciprocate... in fact, 999 times out of a 1,000 it's unrequited

    that's what crushes are famous for... being one-sided romances
    ... i imagine, from the crush'es perspective... the best case scenario the person seems weird... worst case, completely psycho for feeling the way they do

    i always feel sorry for those with crushes... they just don't have the courage to tell whoever it is how they feel (if they did early on, they might actually have a future together)

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    • I always do for that very reason.

  • It's because of the frequency of getting hit on for a hot girl. My dad said if a girl is hot - she might have 100 -300 guys asking her out or wanting to date her every year that she is in university so 99 guys are going to get rejected by her.

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  • I only got rejected once and now I have a crush. His friend told me he likes me. So I don't know that for sure or not. But still.

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    • Go up and talk to him and just confess right off the bat. That's the best thing to do in this situation if his friend actually told you. Even if he didn't, I'd confess pretty soon and get it out of the way relatively quickly.

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    • From the looking down and his friend saying so, I think the odds are stacked in your favor.

  • I've been turned down a bit. I don't know why. :/ rejection sucks.

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  • they are called crushes the crush your heart

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  • I think because most people are more nervous in front of the person they like. It is easy for me to be confident and flirtatious in front of boys who I'm not interested in, but if I'm around my crush then I'm awkward and fumble over my words.

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  • Because fuck life.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Because crushes by nature are formed when interest is either not reciprocated or is unclear/unknown. Typically interest is very clear. So the bulk of crushes tend to be a situation where one person is interested and the other is not.

    It is kind of easy to never fall into the trap. Simply establish the interest of the other person by asking. If they respond with anything but less than "yes, I am interested".. move on.

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  • I believe it is because most crushes are superficial, and so it almost reduces to a blind date, where one side chooses based on the picture.

    I guarantee that someone who likes you, you would find a much more interesting and likable person. They may even be better looking. Meanwhile, I think you would dislike the person who dislikes you, even if they were attracted to you.

    As a rule, I think people spend too much time on their crushes, without doing anything about it, or putting it to the test. So, I don't think being turned down is a defeat. You just have to try again.

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  • I think because we try too hard in a way. Like saying you always get the one u dont really care for too much but the one u really really want is very difficult to get. the nonchalant way u act around the one u dont want that much and attract is probably the same way u should act around the one u do want that much. Basically dont try too hard and let her do some work too. I notice when i dont try that eventually she will get confused and try for me to see if i like her or not. Remember most guys want something out of a girl but if the guy never really shows it, she will become skeptical. You always want what u think u cannot have easily.

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  • Yeah I agree with jailbreak I think we just act normal around her. Be cool be helpful and a gentleman to girls around you and even your crush and maybe she'll start noticing you.
    It works for me! Hope it works for you. Try it out

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  • Well everyone's case isn't the same, some will probably do better than others, but we will all get our chance sooner or later:)

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  • ... because they stay a crush because we don't have the balls to ask them out, because we don't know them or they are so far out of our league

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