Is it so wrong to actually be attracted to someone you want to be with?

i say this because so far some friends of mine and my mom have told me that i was being shallow (that's what they said in a nutshell). what they actually have been saying, and this is usually after i turn down a guy for a date, is 'you should have gone out with him. you say no too fast. he seems so nice.' now, i get all of that, but i don't think it's shallow. i know i'm not shallow. all of the guys i've liked before have had good reasons for me to want to be with them, and looks weren't the first thing. granted they might have been the second or third but not the first. i've met some great guys who were smart and cool and nice and i was pretty attracted to them, they were kinda nice to look at. now they don't like me but that's another story. now i'm 21 years old and i can honestly say i've never been sexually or physically attracted to any guys i've liked; they're attractive but i just don't get that butterfly feeling people made up to describe the attraction to a person. but i think at this age it would be nice to feel that way. i think i'm old enough to be able to add that to the list of things that i want to feel when i'm around this person. but people have been giving me grief for it. my friends do the same thing though. 'he's so cute. i just want to hook up with him. he's so sexy i should ask him out.' but when i do it all of a sudden it's 'you're shallow and you're asking too much. what do you think? is it shallow to want physical attraction as well as emotional, mental, or all that?


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not shallow to want it, as long as you are willing to accept that it's not the most important aspect.

    • that's fair. and i've seen a few great looking guys that a bunch of girls drool over but i'm not interested until they do something else, you know? the last guy i was into i saw at a seminar on campus and he was so clever and so smart and thoughtful. i can't just go for a person because they're attractive.


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What Guys Said 2

  • No not at all, sexual attraction is probably a little more important that personality. Any relationship is doomed to fail if you don't desire each other.

    • okay. but why do you think they make such a big deal out of it and consider me shallow for it? i know i don't get asked out a lot so i should take what i can get; but i just want to know why they think it's do bad when i say no for not being attracts to them.

    • It's just old fashioned parental thinking that's all

  • Go on some dates with guys you find attractive, for whatever reason, as long as their behavior doesn't turn you off. Look into who they are inside.


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