Thorny question; WHO pays on first date?

FAIR: split
TRADITIONAL: the man
YETI LEVEL: the woman

Oh yeah, let the shitstorm begin.
**opens shit umbrella**

Updates:
Update: How many times a girl EVER asks a guy out really? ( this answers will be treated as "the guy should buy but i am going to dodge admitting it".

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Id split it. It weeds out the women who think they deserve a free meal and can't hold their own

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    • I want an asset not a liability which that's what most women seem like these days

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    • Have no issues paying for a man in full if I ask him out and invite him on the first date. What you talking about? First dates don't have to be fancy at all. First dates are just about knowing each other.

    • @sanr95
      "good for nothing else but all of the domestic responsibilities"
      I'm sorry but that's pretty disrespectful of women who were home-makers like my mom!
      She CHOSE to be a stay at home mom, so screw you if it doesn't conform to YOUR world view.

What Girls Said 35

  • im traditional. guys will have no issue paying for a girl they really like. they might argue that things are equal or suggest going dutch - but they wouldn't do that on a date with their dream girl. so why date a guy whos pretty much showing u that ur not of much value to him?

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    • Very few dream girls actually exist, same as very few dream guys exist. Most guys go on dates with girls who they are only somewhat attracted to. Remember, most guys aren't picky like girls!

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    • It makes sense, but mostly, I ask a girl out not because they are my dream girl, but because I am trying to find my dream girl. Girls with this type of attitude are quickly found out and thrown out in my book. I really find narcissists very unattractive.

    • narcissits or girls with self esteem? no girl who isn't desperate and insecure would be cool with dating a guy who thought that way of her. he comes off like the thinks they're just decent enough to bang so he'll take them out but she can pay her own way, but if she was really pretty/hot and he valued her more he'd actually pay for it.

  • Whatever works for the individual couple. I don't believe there is any "right" or "wrong" when it comes to this. Either person can pay.

    Personally, I've never had to pay on a first date or even second date. I have offered numerous times but the guys have never let me. Guys where I live are typically very traditional.

    But I also have a part-time job and go to school full-time so I never have as much money as any guy who asks me on a date or any guy I'm in a relationship with. And they realize this so that probably factors into it as well.

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  • If a guy makes me pay for the whole thing on the first date i would think they are a dick and never go out with them again. I would offer to pay for my half but any gentleman wouldn't let the lady pay for her meal on the first date. On the second or third date I wouldn't mind paying for my half at all though. I have a long term boyfriend now and I often take him out for dinner

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  • I never go out to eat and don't at least try to pay my half of the meal, but in my experience guys generally prefer to pay. even guys who I am not romantically involved with in any way have picked up the bill from time to time.

    don't get me wrong, I don't like letting people pay for me - never have, never will. however if someone insists, it is rude to decline. I have no problem picking up the bill, and have several times just because the person I'm out with picked it up the time before.

    chivalry is wonderful, but not always necessary.

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    • You just said I never go out to eat and don't at least try to pay my half of the meal. That sounds like a gold digger.

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    • "you don't even try at least try to pay my half of the meal. "
      you're right. I don't.

      You're a stranger i just met and am dating, and may never seen again if the date goes wrong. WHY would i even contemplate paying you anything?

    • Y'all are putting words in my mouth (or rather, my screen) here. I'm saying I pay for myself more often than not.

      Further more, the last date I went on was last November. When I offered to cover the bill, he let me. I rarely date as it is, so I can guarantee I wouldn't be going out with a stranger or expecting him to pay for a thing.

      I'm not some feminist who demands equality and then cries about having to take care of myself.

  • I think who ever asks should pay and I've asked out guys so I practice what I preach. Now that I'm in a stable relationship with my fiancĂ© we split almost everything.

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  • I think it is not just tradition, it is also manners when it comes to paying. It is not just I can't afford a meal ( I am not buying an apartment) .
    I can afford what I can eat. It is just nice to see him make an effort to pay. That is it.
    It is not a big deal really. First date is something special. Men, traditionally pays. I prefer this way. Other dates, we can split, I can pay. It doesn't really matter.

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  • Here's how it goes. We sit down. We eat. It comes time to pay. I take out my wallet. The guy yells at me to put my wallet away. I say I want to pay. He doesn't let me. So I put my wallet away and say thanks.
    I'm not saying that's how it should be. I'm saying that's been my experience.
    I have yet to come across a guy who doesn't WANT to pay for the date.

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    • because you date guys who actually like and value you

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    • I'm not a hypocrite. I don't see what's wrong with that. I want to do things for the man too. I don't want the whole dates and then reaching a relationship status to only feel at teamwork level where it's only about paying for your stuff all the time.

    • @PrismFemme I suggest you re-read to WHO i was replying and stay out of the talk if you are clueless about the subject being spoke of.
      Everything is to be taken into context.

  • I'm more traditional.
    Paying for things is not just the gentlemanly thing to do, it also indicates that you are responsible, steady and well-established. Women like that; it helps them decide whether or not you are relationship-ready. Yeah, being a guy isn’t always the most rewarding thing in the world. But what are you gonna do?

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  • I'm traditional :) It's cute and awesome when the guy looks after you.

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  • As the two decide. I'd personally go Dutch, I feel awkward if someone who's not family pays for my stuff.

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  • On the huge number of 2 dates I've had lol, I went for splitting. And once a guy paid for me even though I insisted not to. And I would still do that on the next dates with a guy, I don't think the guy should pay my part unless he wants to.

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    • Lol downvoted, seems like a guy doesn't want me to split. :D

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    • I won't vote to skew the figures , but +1 from me for your 'equalist" pov.

    • Lol thanks :)

  • Fair.
    I would never let a guy pay for me. He might take that to mean I've agreed to 'repay' him via blowjob or something.

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    • Omg, what's the world coming to, lol'd "... 'repay' him via blowjob..."

      I financially help to support my mother and brother, often help with my friends meal when we go out

      If I was ever fortune enough to take you out, I'd definitely pay, u might not "let" me, but I'll owe u one of u look the other way

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    • @phiomega... even in the dream, i'm paying for my half! EQUALITY! :p

    • Lols, my dream, my rules kiri, how can a man who puts others b4 himself possibly treat each person the way he treats himself

  • Neither, Dine and dash. No arguments.

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    • what?

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    • Uhmm.. and you wash the dishes or... how does this work? :D

    • You don't get caught obviously.

  • traditional

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    • uuu the japanese girl :O

  • Who ever does the inviting should pay after the first couple of dates go dutch. When I'm invited I always pay or offer to pay my own way if the guy objects & insists on paying so be it I won't argue.

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  • 1st official date I hope it's the guy. Subsequent dates we go on dutch

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  • I think they should pay for their own meal.

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  • Who first invite.

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  • traditional :)

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  • It's polite foe the guy to pay, but I'm personally very independent so I offer to help and at least leave the tip if it's out for drinks or a restaurant. It's along the lines of social norms that if a guy pays it was an official date. I have asked guys to grab a drink and they have payed so it shouldn't matter who asks whom. If he doesn't pay for his/dutch then it's just hanging out and not a date.

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  • Depends.
    He invited her out, he pays.
    She invited him out, she pays.
    Unless previous conversations and agreements on going Dutch.

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  • I feel the first date should be traditional. After that you guys can take turns or spilt.

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    • And if there won't be a 2nd?

    • It doesn't matter. That's still my opinion. I think guys should pay on the first date.

    • Aha ok

  • The one who invited the other one out or at least offer and then the other one can offer to split.

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    • ... and since women never invite guys... lol nice trick.

    • I've known girls who asked guys out before. It's not meant to be a trick, just answering your question, but ok whatever.

  • A man pays.

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    • Hahaha

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    • I'm sorry to say this but you sound like a gold digger username19.

    • Yupppp I agree with you username19

  • Split it. Someone paying for me makes me feel super uncomfortable.

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  • I think for the first date it's a good rule for the one who asked the other out to be the one to pay. I've asked guys out before and I paid. Other than that, splitting it is.

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  • Men are always seen as "the man of the house", they support their family including wife and kids. I guess that is why they are always expected to pay. It's what society made us believe. Guys out there that don't pay for the meal or whatever it is are looked upon as a douche. So yeah I believe a guy should pay almost all the times, it's attractive to know a guy wants to spend on you.

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    • I take it you're not a fan of feminism.

    • Nope I like to feel secure with a guy. Whether it's financially, physically, emotionally. But that's just me :)

  • Traditional, especially if he invited. Now if it was becoming a little more serious or a relationship came out of it then splitting and taking turns paying is the way to go. Just how I see it.

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  • I payed for everything with my first boyfriend. Big mistake, I don't pay for dates until I know them.

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    • Why not?
      Do you go dutch?
      If not, why should HE pay until he knows you?

    • Smh. I don't play with men that squabble over money to begin with. There is a thing called generosity, and also how much you like the girl is determined. Even if you have a hard time with money, if you're playing it cool and being overly dramatic with expenses. You have my respect.

  • A woman who will want to split it or to pay it herself, is a feminist, and you hate them so much

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    • Perhaps but at least she would be true to her beliefs :)

  • More from Girls
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What Guys Said 18

  • I always pay. I just don't take them to fancy places until I'm sure I want to pursue a relationship. There are many affordable date options out there. The whoever asks pays works too, but 99% of the time it is the guy. Splitting isn't terrible, but I prefer one person to pay then the next person gets the next one. Imagine how awkward it gets when your are dividing then bill all the way to the cent on a first date. Absolutely ridiculous

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    • Lol i don't think splitting to the cent is the way to go, but if it's 55,73$ or euros or whatever, then you can pay 35 and her the rest.
      Seems fair to me.

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    • Say I buy a $25 meal and she buys a $15 meal.

      If we split it, we divide the total: $40. And we each pay $20.

      If we go Dutch, I pay for my meal: $25. And she pays for hers: $15.

      Going Dutch is basically what happens when you go out with your friends. It's so rare in the dating world we had to give it a special name. This is normal for the Dutch and the Scandinavians. Just as well, nobody expects the man to ask the woman out to "be a man". Women ask men out about as often over there.

    • Oh I see. Makes sense

  • I'm always kind of concerned about it, because many people say it can be disadvantageous to pay on the first date, as it may suggest the man is sort of a nice-guy traditionalist who doesn't have his own standards, or especially because it may come off as "paying" for the women, i. e. trying to put her in a position where she feels she must give something back (sexually).

    If I were not afraid of some confusion/misconceptions, I wouldn't mind paying for the first date at all. I'd be running low on money if I paid for every date ever, though.

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  • One doing asking out. Typically guys should always pay unless:
    - you're both professionals - one asking out
    - one is obviously wealther - default
    - one is dating out of their league

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  • I always pay, but I get pissed when the girl doesn't even pretend to offer to split. I would never let a girl pay for me though, no matter how broke I am lol.

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  • The person who makes the invite is the person who i believe should pay. Just as when i invite people to my birthday party, i dont make all my guests pay a head tax at the door to cover the stuff i may buy for the party, i would not make a woman pay for a date that i invited them to. As the relationship progresses however, the bill should be split

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    • @update
      As the guy, you get to choose exactly where this date is. It doesn't even need to be a place where you need to pay for anything. You can also choose a place (like a coffee shop) where its damn cheap. Simple

    • Good perspective. You also figure, if the initiator chose an expensive location, why should the other go broke because of the initiator's choice?

      On that note, I think guys should hold off a lot on showing girls much of this sort of attention, that way it forces more of them to step up to the plate or be single, just like a guy.

      In practice, however, douchebags would still catcall women and such, leaving them the most vocal men and enforcing the stereotype we already deal with.

      But they did this in Sweden. In Scandinavia, women ask men out as well and at least as often, and our US idea of "dating" is regarded as archaic. Keep in mind these are the countries with highest levels of gender equality.

      The way I figure, too, if girls don't want to get hit on at the worst times, they shouldn't keep demanding that "real man make a move". If you demand attention, it includes bad attention. If you don't want bad attention accept the lack of good attention.

    • @OpenClose

      my thoughts exactly

  • I would probably pay. I don't really care who pays though. I pay for guy friends too.

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  • There is a certain kind of look which I don't like on the Girls face when they pay for something other than their shoes or bags. xD

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  • And women say they want to be treated as equals? LOL.

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  • I'll pay.

    but if the woman is hideous and she asked me out, and I simply said yes to not hurt her feelings... well then she better pay that bill., or its washroom window escape for me.

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  • Whoever did the asking out, but because I'm me, I always pay :)

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  • Traditional, the man *eexception* u plan on being the woman in the relationship (this is not an insult, switch roles of u like)

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    • This coming from the guy looking for some sugar momma, ur almost 40 and asking dating advice

  • Wtf people. Its like 10-15 bucks, Who cares who pay.

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    • The principle counts not the sum bro.

    • Haha Well usually chicks I hangout pays for me because I rarely carry money around. All cards so

  • the guy if he asked out
    Split if she asked out

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  • Both should.

    I don't believe in dates though.

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  • I thought I would give a go at a little experiment where I swapped the genders and played out the scene that many girls demand from a "real man".

    I didn't get as many responses as I was hoping in the few days I had it up, but it gives me several more ideas.

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1126289-what-would-you-do-if-thus-was-your-boyfriend

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  • Well I think its guys fault in general for letting the "guy should pay" thing become the norm. Plus if a guy think he's not a "man" he's stupid and deserves to pay for everything all the time.

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    • Yeah, it's sad a lot of guys here still have this stupid ass mentality "I should pay!"
      FAIL

  • It's easy to say whoever asks the other out should pay when women don't ask men out. Female hypocrisy at its finest.

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  • Here's my rule as a man. I pay when I want them to know I'm comfortable paying for them. First dates usually don't get paid for by me unless I've known the girl. The girl who gets upset and doesn't respond to me later because I didn't pay gets put into the bad wife material pile. A girl who makes a rash decision based on something so small is a problem to me. A girl who eats the food but expects the other person to pay just because they asked them to come is a problem for me. Paying is a gift not a qualifier. Now if I can tell that the place I've chosen is out of her price range and she makes it known, I'm a lot more lenient on paying. I also at times pick up food and bring it to the girl to avoid the whole convo. The girl I'm dating now and honestly consider marrying fights me almost everytime I try to pay for her and I love it. This last time I went to a resturant where I know they never ask to split the bill and snatched it before she could see. Paying has become a game for us. We slyly try and pay for each other before the other gets a chance. And that's the girl you want. The girl that values you more than she does a free meal or money.

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