If you are new to it, is it normal to feel somewhat detached/disconnected while making out with someone?

I have never had a serious relationship. In fact, I've made the personal choice to wait until marriage to have sex (Please don't flame me on that... this is not what my q is about). I've started dating someone I've met online. We've gone on 4 dates so far, with lots of communication/texts daily in between our dates.

He is quite affectionate. On our date last night, he held, stroked and kissed my hand the whole night. Told me that he likes me, etc. Told me I looked pretty etc. (And he was being genuine, he is not a player, trust me).

I told him I liked him too, but truthfully I'm not even sure yet. I am nervous before our dates, and I love getting msgs from him during the day, etc. We've made out, and it's nice but I feel detached during it. He kisses well, but it's not amazing. I think he is very handsome. After our last date and makeout session, when I got home, I realized my panties were quite wet -- so he aroused me, although I didn't feel particularly aroused during it, just that I wanted the kissing to keep going and going... and yet it wasn't quite hitting the mark.

I almost feel like I'm using him... b/c I'm not totally into it yet and he is loving every minute of it and telling me so as he kisses my forehead, neck, cheeks, etc.

I plan on telling him next time my decision to wait until marriage. Maybe once I get that off my chest and I see that it's not a dealbreaker for him, I'll be able to enjoy the intimacy more?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think so and I don't believe you're using him. You feel something you just need to get your head and heart in sync and perhaps let your guard down with time. =)

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What Guys Said 1

  • I think If he is wiling to wait and your still dating I believe you'll get into it more. I think your holding back now because your afraid that it will turn into sex. I think once you make your intentions clear you'll feel a lot better.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I like the additional question you added at the end.

    "I plan on telling him next time my decision to wait until marriage. Maybe once I get that off my chest and I see that it's not a dealbreaker for him, I'll be able to enjoy the intimacy more?"

    I think that's a great idea. Once you see his reaction, and if he supports your choice you might feel more comfortable with him, it could be this that's holding you back.

    On the other hand, you also said you're not sure how much you really like him at this point. It's hard to kiss someone and feel all there, if you are not emotionally invested in them. Once that happens it strengthens the bond, and makes things like that a lot more enjoyable. As for getting wet from it, that is a natural response from your body, whether you are into it emotionally or not. In fact, many rape victims have felt extremely guilty and conflicted for this reason; their body likes it, but the person does not.

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