Why do we have the need to stalk the ones that rejected us?

Well why do i have the need to stalk the one i dated and that rejected me? always i do this.. why can't i just let go..


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Any relationship is destined for one of three outcomes.. mutual agreement that two people are better off being friends, ongoing commitment, or one rejecting the other.
    rejection specifically by a woman toward a man... if the woman is seeing someone else a certain territoriality might kick in. by stalking what the ex really seeks is to have a word or two with the 'other guy' and kick his ass. very few men actually act on this. sometimes it can go to a bit darker level of obsession, but obsession with a purpose. Whether toward a stranger or someone he knows, this individual has created an identity based his experiences or even his perceptions of a woman. He believes a relationship is 'destined' to be. People like that need not be dangerous but they can also be hard to shake. This is the situation where restraining orders and so forth become an issue.

    When a woman is rejected by a man, most often she is both hurt but angry that she did not get the last word, the upper hand as it has been called. This this is a simple motive but it takes a lot of time to dissipate and in rare cases never does. This kind of 'stalker' is more subtle, often stewing for months or years, then reigniting a friendship in which she herself can somehow reject the guy who ditched her. For some odd reason this creates a sense of 'balance' in the female.
    We hear very very rarely of women who physically stalk a man out of some delusion about their destiny together. Years ago there was a film called 'Fatal Attraction' which depicted something like this. The movie was enormously popular precisely because it was fiction and because the behavior was so directly unfamiliar to people in general.

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    • the lady in the movie is psycho.. im not that way haha i dont even talk to him, i just look at his fcb

    • Show All
    • @jenn33 ... again wanting the upper hand, to emphasize that she is the one on top.. difficult to overcome.

    • @Asker ... i'd cease doing even that.

What Guys Said 7

  • A lot of people have this issue but it is simply not healthy. It can also get you caught and land you in some severe legal trouble. Don't stalk anyone, be strong. Do not snoop or look at social media because that is feeding this negative approach. Your going to have to let this go, it doesn't make you look rational. If you were to get caught by your ex doing this, he is not going to be flattered, trust me.

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    • what do you mean by stalk? is it by phone or showing up at someone's house?

  • I guess its the desire to stay in some way connected to that person. Normally, most people learn to move on with time.

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  • why do you? i dont have that problem. you should stop stalking people... prob because you still like them. you need to move on. I don't know talk to a therapist. i dont think thats normal.

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  • It is just human nature to do that.

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  • I have also problems letting go unfortunately although I know it's kind of useless...

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  • You have the need to be accepted by everyone. It's common. We want to be liked by the ones we like

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  • Vanessa is this you?

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    • yes..

    • Got ya I don't know any Vanessa LOL

What Girls Said 4

  • Love does that... it's just one of those sucky things. You fall for someone and they become your everything. It's normal and the good news is it does get better if you still open yourself up to new opportunities. The only way I've ever managed to get over a past love is by meeting someone new and falling in love over again with this new person. Till then I accept I'll still crush on the previous guy. But that doesn't mean you should close yourself off. You'll never find love again if you don't open yourself up to it :)

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    • he contacted me telling me lives almost by me.. does it mean anything?

  • Because everyone searches for validation in some way. Especially in those who rejected us, validation that we're better off without them, we don't need them, we have a life without them, that they still like us. It's totally normal all people just want to be loved. It's what we're told to search for since we're children. And that nothing else matters in our lives except being loved. But other thins do matter an you need to figure out what that is that matters to you

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    • he contacted me saying he lives almost by me.. is that anything?

    • Probably not. If he wants to continue he'll contact you

  • there are therapits on this site... you should talk to them

    it depends on how they reject you... maybe that s why you stalk them... tell me how they reject you?

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    • well we dated and things were great and he suddently began pulling away even though he told me liked me , weeks went by he wasn't writing me as he used to, so i asked him about it and he said he wasn't looking for anything serious because he doesn't have time , which i understood he ddnt even live in my town, but he does now because he moved here few weeks ago. But he got out of a serious relation ship that he was in for 6 years, last year, and his ex is pregant and dating another guy, so maybe he isn't ready for anything? but i keep always checking his fcb updates etc.. i need to stop

  • Curiosity.

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    • boredom?

    • No. I don't know anyone who stalks their ex just because they bored. A random Twitter page I can see but not their ex's Twitter page cuz of boredom.

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