If you date me, would you want to know that I used to cut myself?

So yeah, i used to cut myself. I stopped doing it earlier this year. There are no scars or signs of it on my body though.
If we were dating, would you want to know that i used to cut myself? Or should i keep it a secret? (you probably won't find out yourself though)
So what do you guys think
Keep it a secret or not?

  • Keep it a secret
    58% (7)30% (8)38% (15)Vote
  • Just say it
    42% (5)70% (19)62% (24)Vote
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Updates:
Unlike most people, i used to cut myself so i wouldn't feel any physical pain. Would that make it any better for you to hear, or wouldn't it make a difference for you?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd like to think that she'd be comfortable enough with me to tell me at some point, yeah. Not because I'd feel like she owed it to me, but rather I'd just want to know about her and know how to best support her with it.

    As for her reasons, they wouldn't matter to me at all. If I'm with her and love her then it would be irrelevant, and I'd just want to find a way to be a positive force in her life.

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    • Oke, well i know from other comments that its better to wait to tell him. Dont wanna scare him away yet haha. Thank you for answering, and yeah i agree, it shouldn't matter much if you really are in love =)

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    • Thank you for MH. Good luck! :-)

    • No problem =) and thank you =)

What Guys Said 21

  • It's better to get it out in the open, and not be ashamed that you've put it in the past. To me, someone who is afraid to admit past self-mutilation is afraid that the (usually) emotional pain that caused his or her self-mutilation is going to come back. There isn't anything shameful about conquering and surpassing something shameful.

    It isn't something that I would bring up very early on, though. If you are dating someone, wait until the proper context comes up for you to mention it.

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    • Yeah well, i dont really plan on cutting myself again. So that already makes it a bit easier for me.
      Yeah i agree that i should wait before i tell him, unless he asks me, but he probably wont.

    • You're right, he probably won't ask, but there's a good chance a conversation will come up in which it's possible for you to mention it more easily than if the conversation were about anything else. For instance, talking about a relative with depression, talking about medications, talking about a story that involved a suicide, or hell, even talking about knives.

      On the other hand, perhaps he will respect that you went out of your way to bring the topic up, as this may indicate that it is something you are comfortable talking about. I can't say for sure which way is better, though, since I haven't had a conversation like that before.

    • I didn't cut myself because i was depressed though. I got problems with walking ever since i got hit by a car. Sometimes my legs and knees hurt so much that i can't even stand. Thats when i used to cut myself, so i wouldn't feel the pain in my legs, and could keep on walking.
      So yeah, it's pretty hard to already have a conversation about the subject.

  • I imagine if we were close enough we would share experiences important and close to us. It would come naturally with trust. Otherwise it's no one's business but your own.

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  • i would mind only if you were short... if you were short i wouldn't date you. i don't care if you cut yourself before

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  • I'd say wait to tell him. It's not something that most people would share openly so I'd suggest you only tell him once you really really trust him. I was with my ex for 18 months and she only told me her biggest secret the day we broke up and I could tell that she didn't even want to tell me it then but she felt she had to due to the situation. In the last few months of our relationship she told me many times that I was her favourite person in the world and she still never told me her secret until our break-up. So it really depends on the person but I would suggest waiting to tell him until you really do trust him.

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  • I personally wouldn't mind knowing because for me, dating is to see whether I would actually want to spend my life with you or not. If you feel as if I should know, I respect that. If you don't want to tell me because you are uncomfortable, I respect that also. I don't accept lying though. If I so happen ask you directly for whatever reason, I expect the truth.

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    • Yeah if he asks then ill tell the truth, i really wouldn't wanna lie to someone i love.

  • I'd keep it a secret because that would be a deal breaker to many guys. Maybe after a long tune being together when your relationship grows and develops into true love and he sees you for who you are (the new you) then you could tell him without fear of him being bothered by it to the point of thinking negatively about you.

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  • I wouldn't say to keep it a secret, rather I would say to simply not bring it up, if he asks don't lie but if he doesn't ask I don't see any need to mention it

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    • So you say, dont ask, dont tell. So then he wouldn't know, because he probably won't ask.

    • Yes, if he asked or brought it up i don't think you should hide it because that sets a bad precedent. However, I don't think it is necessary information so long as you aren't still doing it. Same as previous sex life etc i just think that sort of information isn't necessary

    • Oke, thank you =)

  • It is not important to me that you were unhappy in the past. It would only be important that when you were with me you were happy. The past is the past.

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    • Its not because i was unhappy. I used to cut myself so i wouldn't feel any pain while walking. Sometimes the pain is so bad that i can't even stand, thats when i used to cut my arm. So i didn't feel the pain in my legs and knees and could keep on walking.

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    • In your profile you say that your parents dont want you to have a boyfriend.

    • Yeah true, my parents dont know i have a bf, well got online bf atm but still. My parents also dont know i used to cut myself.

  • Not sure.

    I mean if a girl would tell me she used to cut herself, I'd consider her mentally unstable. Basically it means that if something goes wrong between us, she may inflict some serious wounds upon herself that may lead to an accidental death.
    Guess who's going to jail for that >_>

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    • Well i got hit by a car in 2008, got lots of trouble with walking now and then because of that. Sometimes the pain is so bad that i can't even stand. Thats when i used to cut my arm, so i wouldn't feel the pain in my legs and knees anymore, so i could still walk for a while. So i used to cut, so i was able to walk. Not to hurt myself, besides, i wouldn't wanna kill myself.

  • Unless he shares something that private , I think you should not share as well.
    When you are in relationship, initially you will share all the good things.. But when you start sharing how freaky you are, that is the test for relation.
    So , better wait for him to share something like that to you, because there is a devil in everyone.

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    • I used to cut myself so i wouldn't feel any pain when i was walking. Sometimes the pain is so bad that i can't even stand. Thats when i used to cut. That doesn't really make me a devil, does it?

      Yup i understand that i should wait before i tell him though.

    • It does not make you DEVIL, i meant every one has their shortcomings.. and you must wait to share yours with someone else..
      He should be special to know about it..

    • Oke then =)

  • I would never judge a girl who used to cut , my second ex
    used to cut her self so makes no difference i still loved her
    at one time

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    • Oke thank you =) the fact that i used to cut, doesn't change who i am though, so i dont really see the big deal some people make about it. I mean, yeah i get that guys could get scared of me hurting myself too bad, but i only used to cut, so i was able to walk again. I wouldn't hurt myself that bad.

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    • You're so welcome and I'm glad to give you my encouragement

    • Thanks =) (im sure youve heard this earlier today too haha)

  • I wouldn't need to know ALL about you to actually date you. And who am I to demand you tell me all of it anyway? I say keep it if you feel better that way :)

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  • If you have no evidence of it like scars, then I'd prefer you keep it a secret. Cutting yourself is a huge turn off, regardless if it was just in your past.

    This is just my opinion.

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    • Oke and yeah, i got no scars or any signs that i used to cut =)

    • Don't take it the wrong way, it's not a deal breaker if she tells me she used to cut, it's just an unnecessary turn off in my opinion.

      It's not like I would dump her though. I'd just be kinda weirded out for a little while.

    • Oke, well i sure dont plan on doing it again so thats good.

  • well id want to know everything about you and if telling me helped you relieve a weight off your chest then go ahead. no point keeping skeletons in the closet especially if theyre still hurting you

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    • well i probably won't cut myself again, but yeah, could be good to tell :)

  • Don't say it at first because you'll seem like an attention whore.

    But if he asks after a few dates or something, you could tell him. But if it's in the past, it should stay in the past.

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  • Its not who you were that matters only who you are now.

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  • I would like to here everything about my partner's past. I would then be able to comfort her. And if you did it to avoid physical pain, it would make it better for me to hear.

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    • I was going to ask why you cut your self if you were so pretty but then I read you summary. I feel sorry for you. Two tough losses. I'm sorry for them :(

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    • By making a cut in my arm, the pain in my legs almost dissapeared.

    • I've been to a doctor now once, because i fell off the stairs because i was in so much pain. She told me i should sit down or so instead of keep pushing myself. So now i just try to give my legs a break.

  • If a time comes up where you feel you should tell him then go for it. If he accepts you for how you are now he shouldn't care about what you used to do.

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  • its not something i would really demand to know about, but certainly knowing as much about you would be better than knowing less. But I don't think you're really obligated to tell your partner about that

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    • Oke, well i guess i should just wait quite some time before i tell him.

  • don't tell straight of, let it only out if you trust him and feel he is totally fine with it, if you say it right of he might think weird things

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    • Oke, unlike most people, i used to cut myself so i wouldn't feel any physical pain though. Would that make it any easier to deal with for a guy, or would it be the same?

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    • explanations are not changing things for me. If this was not a helping site, I actually feel like having to deal with knowing something about your past without having your trust. I personaly don't feel better knowing it, I think it's psychological: everything you add to it will only make it sound worse, you don't need to say why, I always got to know girls who did that stuff, but other guys maybe couldn't handle it, or would feel uncomfortable now that you mention, the guy will keep thinking of it and will treat you uncommon. it's always better to act like a normal person and later if the person has interest for you and wants to know uncommon things the other person is ready to face the worst and accept it. do you know how I mean it?

    • Yeah i do understand it, and i know, i won't tell him yet =)

  • If I was in a commited relationship with someone, I'd like for her ti tell me if she used ti cut.

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What Girls Said 7

  • The more secrets you keep in a relationship, the less likely your bond is to truly grow and develop into what it could be. It's usually the best idea to just be 100% honest about who you are because if your SO finds out on their own later, then it makes you look untrustworthy. Tell him.

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    • He probably won't find out though, but yeah, telling is probably better

  • while you're dating don't tell it already, but when in a relationship you could open yourselft to him

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  • Depends how long youve been in the relationship. Personally it would be a lot to take in and maybe make me worry if it was a fresh relationship. I say the past is the past and if its no long an issue it is not necessary to share.

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  • I would wait until you know the person pretty well, but if it were me I would feel honored that you feel comfortable enough with me to open up like that and wouldn't care as long as you were healthy (which you seem to be) :)

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  • I don't think it's really necessary to bring up. You shouldn't go out of your way to hide it, but I wouldn't just randomly bring it up either.

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  • I self harm as well, I've been clean about a month or two. I'm always upfront with guys but mostly cuz by the time they get my pants off they'll see the scars on my hips. Most don't judge and just try to understand, and I think its helpful to be honest about your past<3

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    • I haven't cut since march, so that also been a while ago. I dont have any scars or marks on my body, so i dont have to worry about people seeing it. I agree though, its best to be honest =)

    • Building a connection is about sharing, and the darker stuff from our past can help a lot with bonding. I would never want to date a guy that only told me the good stuff, wpuld you? Our flaws make us human and relatable! Your call tho:)

    • True, but unfortunately some people seem to make a big deal out of it. So i guess i should wait a while before i tell him. I will tell him eventually though =) well, if people only told me their good side, even when dating, i would probably start to wonder what he's trying to hide haha.

  • Just dating, don't think so. But if u r planning to get serious, then u should.

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    • Yeah already knew i was going to wait with it, but was just curious what other people think about it =)

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