Why would a guy say "we are not exclusive"?

If you are seeing someone for a couple weeks and it is going well, why would a guy say we are not exclusive at some point?

He talks of a relationship in the future but says we shouldn't be exclusive right now.

Isn't that a weird thing to say? I can't see how he could be serious about me then.

What would make a guy say this?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My guess is that he says that because you are not exclusive obviously and he may not want to be depending on how he said it. After a few weeks of seeing someone I would want to know where things are going. You should ask him what he wants don't wait on him to call all of the shots your time and energy is precious. You need to find out how he feels and if he wants to pursue a relationship or not. Even if he talks about a relationship in the future that could just be to keep your interest but action speak louder than words. If he is not showing you that he wants to be with you, then he probably just wants to play the field.

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    • I talked to him about it and he said in the future but not now. He also said he would see other girls if he thought someone was better for him, when he had been saying all along that he didn't want a relationship with anyone and that I would be the first girl who he would look at to be his gf.

      He's not showing me he wants to be with me either. Not much effort in texting even.

      I dumped him. I see no way how this guy could be sincere.

      Combined with the way he loves physical stuff and pushes me further along I really have no logical reason to think he wants anything but sex from me.

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    • I really hope so too! It sucks that he was the first guy I've ever dated. Made it harder for me to see what he really was..

    • Thanks for the MH :)

What Guys Said 11

  • sounds to me like he is trying to keep his options open. either he isn't ready for an exclusive relationship at the moment or he wants the opportunity to potentially meet someone else... it could also just be a ploy to convince you to stick around when he has no intention of getting exclusive later

    I think you kind of need to trust your gut though and gauge how strongly you feel for him to make a decision. If you want an exclusive relationship then don't compromise that and tell him you want to date exclusively or not at all

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  • He's not looking for love. He wants sex with you, and he wants you to keep the door open so that he can have sex with others. That kind of man is not to be taken seriously. Drop him like a bad habit.

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  • When I was growing up, there was something called 'going steady.' Unless a couple agreed to this status, they were not exclusive.

    Thinking that one date, or even twenty dates, means that you belong to someone, that reeks of control and ownership. If you want one guy at a time, but he wants to be able to 'play the field' then perhaps you two are not meant to be, at least right now.

    A guy who wants an open dating relationship in today's world might continue to act that way in a marriage, or at least want to and constantly fight the urge to act on that desire. Or he might just want to wait until he's found The One before he gets serious.

    I don't think he's serious about you, but that doesn't mean he thinks you're just a piece of ass. It depends on what he's thinking. I still would call it off if you're serious about him and he isn't serious about you.

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    • I didn't want to control him or force him to be mine or anything. It's just the way I like to date- I give one person all I have and I'm really interested in them. I can't see multiple people at once.

      The fact that he can just means we aren't that compatible.

      The thing that bothers me though is that he likes doing physical stuff with me and I can tell he really wants to sleep with me, but he doesn't want to make a commitment.

      He made it sound like he had time for no girl whatsoever including me, but if he were to make time for a girl that girl would be me. But I found out he's talking to other girls and he just doesn't seem interested in talking much with me anymore.

      I don't know, it's hard for me to believe I'm not just a piece of ass to him.

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    • I just find the whole "I'm too busy for a relationship" excuse to be pretty stupid.. Then why bother meeting me and going on dates with me at all?

    • From what you said in your opening statement, I don't think he's serious about you. But I can only go by what you say, not by actual fact. As you are part of that relationship, you have an opinion colored by emotion and expectation.

      All people are just a piece of ass to at least one other person. Is he that one person for you? I can't say, I don't know him or you, only what you say about the two of you.

      In the end, only the future can tell you what you want to know. Keep your eyes open, and look for ways to encourage him to show how he feels in one way or another.

  • Giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming that he has no ulterior motive, he could be like me. I have seen too many relationships go south, some were my own, because people jumped into serious, exclusive relationships too quickly. Because of this, I have a policy where I will not make a serious or exclusive relationship before I really get to know someone for at least 3 months, regardless of how I feel.

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    • I respect that and it's fine, but in my situation things are a little off.

      He makes me feel like I'm the only one by things he says and tells me he has no time for any girl and if he were to make time for a girl that girl would be me.

      But what I find off is that he's talking to other girls on a casual sex app. And he isn't showing much interest in talking to me anymore.

      He wants to sleep with me BAD, it's extemely obvious but I'm not giving it up anytime soon and he knows that.

      I find it really hard to believe that he thinks of me as anything more than a casual potential hookup.

      If he wants to see other girls that is one thing. But I think it's different to make me feel like I'm the only one and make me feel all special and like he really wants a relationship when he barely talks to me anymore and seems to be using his time to talk to other girls.

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    • I understand how him being your first date would make getting over him more difficult. Just remember that with 6 billion people on the planet, at least one of them can make you happy. Don't give up.

    • Sorry. 7 billion people in the world.

  • i could tell you a lot of possible reasons why that guy acts like an asshole, but all you really should know is:
    dump him as fast as you can.

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    • I did. But I'm just wondering why a guy would say something like that..

    • You are not the one. They are not sure and want more option. It's a more subtle way than saying "I not committing to you." or "i'm not going to date you."

    • a lot of reasons have been mentioned below including the ones that popd into my mind first, but lets face it, you will probably never find out why he was acting that way.
      sometimes, searching for answers is just a waste of time.

  • 1. Keeping his options open.
    2. Unwillingness to commit.

    These 2 are the most common reasons why. And it's really a very big flag when a guy says something like that. Unless you can say that he is being extremely sincere about you, and is a genuinely honest and "good guy", then he *might* be doubtful about his feelings and trying to give himself and yourself time to decide things over.

    I said this to a girl once. I really didn't want to hurt her or myself, because I wasn't really sure if she was the one. (and I was also seeing someone else, but yea anyway).

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  • With girls I've wanted to date, I am exclusive from the first date, and I also make that clear to them. I can't comprehend why people will see two people sexually at the same time as potential partners, for me it doesn't work like that.

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    • Same! I just find that so weird. I could never do that

  • Because he's dating others girls or is planning on dating other girls

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    • I feel like he may have been trying to lead me on. We had a talk and I told him he didn't seem like a guy who wants to date me and he spent about an hour saying why he does and convincing me for why now is a bad time.

      I was pretty convinced with his explanation but I just find it odd that he would still throw around the "we are not exclusive" line.

      Did he just want to keep me around for later? I wasn't putting out with him so maybe he wanted to come back to be when he could convince me to have sex?

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    • He knows I wanted a relationship with him and he is still talking like that, so I dumped him. He was a total ass when I did dump him- defintely tried to guilt trip me and make me feel as if I was the one treating him poorly..

      Last time I checked it wasn't cool to lead a girl on and make it seem like he's the nice guy..

      Glad I'm rid of him! I'll watch out for guys who say this line in the future

    • Good deal, that's smart girl. I hope you have better luck in the future.

  • Possible reasons:
    1.) Got commitment issues
    2.) He prefers open relationships
    3.) Keeping his options open
    4.) He's trying to give you a signal to make the relationship official. If you wont, then he is saying that he might take on his other options.

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  • He's using you for sex. Kind of obvious.

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  • He is fucking someone else at the moment.

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What Girls Said 7

  • He wants sex, and the rest is all head games.

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  • Because he's kind of an ass (no offense intended here) and would rather play the field than settle down. Not to serious by the sound of it. He could have at least been more creative with the line he used :p

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  • Because he doesn't like you enough.

    He gets points for being honest but if you want a real relationship, dump him. He obviously do not see you as someone worth commutting to meaning he doesn't like you enough. Save yourself pain and stop seeing this guy. You obviously deserve better. A guy who's truly into a girl doesn't look around for others

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  • Yeah as mentioned. It's kind of obvious what he want from you. You're interesting enough to keep him around but he is not that interested in you that he feels you should be the only girl. He might not even have another girl on the side but he just want the opportunity in case someone pops up. That way he doesn't really have any ''responsibility'' towards you, he doesn't have to explain to you why and you can't get mad at him for doing so.

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  • I think he means that it's pretty much an open relationship, like you can still see & go out with other people

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  • Because he wants date around and not commit.

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  • I'm in the same situation and it's very painful.

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    • It's confusing because I don't know what his intentions are. He clearly wants sex right now and I'm not giving it to him and I just find it so weird that he will say things and make me feel like I'm the only one and all that but his actions don't match up.

      He said he's too busy for a serious relationship and if he were to make time for a girl that girl would be me. But it's so weird to me that he would spend his time talking to girls on an app known for casual sex and then stop putting in effort with me.

      Like if I'm really the girl you want to date at some point wouldn't you be talking to me instead? I don't know

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    • I really think he just wants to get laid and is willing to keep you in the background until he can convince you to put out.

      I hate thinking that of him and that he would do that to me but I can't see how a guy like that could really care about you.

      Every single friend of mine told me he's using me. I have a hard time seeing it becasue I cared about him but they're probably right.

    • Dump that guy honestly. I dumped mine. He's just not worth the mind games.

      I think a seriously interested guy would never leave you doubting if he just wanted your body.

      Please don't give him sex. I didn't have sex with this guy and I'm really happy I didn't.

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