I am 35 and am dating a guy who is 50 - it's a big age difference, I know, but we are compatible in many ways. One major problem is that he has a very low libido - he outright told me before we even were intimate, that he is no longer driven by sex. I have to initiate almost all the time and when we do have sex, it seems like he enjoys it but is going through the motions. He is way more affectionate when we are cuddling and watching a movie! He says that I turn him on and he finds me very sexy, but he has no real interest in the actual act of sex itself. I have never encountered this before - help!
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What is it you want help with? First, his sex drive is not going to be getting higher in the future without pharmaceutical help. So if it is on the verge of a deal-breaker now it is only going to get worse. If he is 50 though, he should be mature enough to handle a conversation about this directly though. If he knows it is a problem for you, he may consider talking to his doctor. Certain pills can help, or even changes in diet.
If the sexual part of the relationship simply doesn't work for you, but everything else does, then maybe explore ethical non-monogamous solutions. It seems kind of unfair to him to be criticizing him for doing what you want, but not appearing vigorous enough about it. It seems that he is happy having sex with you, but because he is not overly dramatic about it he seems to be just going through the motions. Perhaps the best first step would be in trying to identify what it is that is giving off that vibe and addressing that directly. It may be that you just want him to be a bit more vocal, or a bit more forceful. Or maybe he is just greysexual.0