Where all the men at? Good girl with lots to offer saying, "Come get it while it's still young!"?

I am currently still battling over mixed emotions over coming to terms with a guy I just met who I liked and thought liked me back basically not (apparently) giving a crap about me.

In the meantime I've met a few guys in my travels, exchanged info, texted a few times, and then nothing. I don't say anything weird at all and I certainly do not make a habit of texting. In fact I try to let them text first and if I don't they don't My friends keep assuring me that I am beautiful, I dress well, I'm, smart, I'm talented, I'm a wonderful person and it's their loss. I know I am a good woman and have a lot to offer a man but it seems like I can't ever meet anyone serious or who likes me the way I like them. It's always one sided with them probably just liking the way my booty looks and having 0 interest in me as a person. The part that sucks is that I get a lot of attention from guys I have absolutely NO interest in. Have at least one FB stalker who "likes" and comments on every single thing I post and I never even met him in person and I'm pretty scared to. Looks aren't everything and I wasn't all that physically attracted to the guy I was/am crushing on. Totally not my type physically but I was attracted to what I thought his personality was. But it would be nice for a change for a guy I actually like the way I liked him would feel the same way. Have never experienced this. Some guys tell me I'm weird but kinda in a cute way and others tell me I'm just a prude. Am honestly terrified to ponder what must be thought of me. Bottom line, how do some of these chicks I see have men, sometimes pretty great catches, and I'm supposedly all these things and can't even get a single freaking date with someone I'm into? Try very hard not to come off as needy or desperate and it's almost like that's what they expect.

Updates:
What a bunch of smart asses. For not knowing me you sure make a lot of assumptions. What about a man who brings something to the table for a change? I have a lot to bring to the table and honestly I think guys are the ones with standards issues.
For starters... I was the man and the woman in a relationship with a total bum who was abusive and refused to work. I remodeled the house myself. I also did all the house work. I have a lot to bring to the table, if someone would give me a chance.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Such rude responses! I think everyone (myself included) has been having a little whine about our romantic options these days and that negativity may have spilled over onto this discussion. At least, that's what I suspect. What I know is that you haven't done anything here to deserve such rudeness. Try to ignore the negativity, okay?

    With that said, I noticed that you said you've met a few men in your travels, one drove 3.5 hours to see you, but you've had trouble getting a single date with a man you're into. Well, it would be hard for any man to take you on a date when he would need to drive several hours to get to you. Even for men who are willing to do that, they would know that a long term relationship would involve that kind of driving for years to come. That's asking a lot, and it would be easier for them to date local women. You would do well to adopt the same perspective and focus your relationship efforts on local men.

    To give you information that would be more helpful, I need more information about what kind of men you want to attract, whether you play hard to get, how you play hard to get, what kind of clothes you wear, and anything else that you think might be relevant.

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What Guys Said 11

  • Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but the only opinion that really matters here hun is the one that MEN have. Sorry. So, if MEN have nothing great to say about you, then you can't exactly have a relationship or be intimate with yourself. Nor can you get married to yourself before your eggs start rotting (please, just take my word for it; don't go running down to city hall and try to find out the hard way on your own - same sex marriage is one thing, same person marriage is a whole other animal).

    I hate to burst you bubble again, but from the little bit that you've shown us about your personality... all the lovely personality traits, such as "MODESTY," and a willingless to "LISTEN" and "CONSIDER" what "OTHERS" have to say, and "HOW" they "FEEL" and "WHY" they feel that way... it hasn't exactly gone over too well with most of the men on here. Oh, lest we forget your uncanny ability to TAKE CRITICISM WELL.

    Oops, more bubble bursting. If that's you in your picture, I hope you come from a rich family, because "looks" is not exactly something you're bringing to the table. And if you think you're offering it, please take it off the table right now if this negotiation is going to proceed any further.

    Speaking of rich family, how much income are you producing each year? What's your potential income growth? What is your current net asset value? What's the amount of wealth you reasonably expect your family to transfer down to you upon their death?

    Great, now take all of that, assign a weight of 10% to your physical appearance and sexual prowess, 30% to your ability to be agreeable enough to be capable of having a man cohabitate with you with a reasonable degree of peacefulness and minimal stress (or if possible, a somewhat pleasurable experience), and assign 60% weight to your ability to provide and support yourself, your partner, and your children and the future generations of your bloodline.

    Now then, THAT'S what you're bringing to the table.

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    • Sorry but I don't know of a single woman who would find a man with your attitude attractive. You were hurtful for no reason. I may not be a supermodel but a lot of guys approach me saying I'm sexy, but all they want is sex so I don't follow up. Nice picture btw.

      It takes two to tango in a relationship. Woman have standards, too. Without a woman to carry a man's baby, he can't breed by himself, either. No woman of self respect would be with such an insensitive, superficial, judgmental and callus guy as you present yourself.

      There are plenty of happy couples where the woman 1: does not work on purpose because the man provides so she can raise the children 2: they're poor but get by and happy. Sounds like you're the one putting too much emphasis on things rather than people and how they relate... No self respecting person would tolerate such unwarranted and unnecessarily hurtful criticism. Sounds like you had a bad day, no wife to make you happy? lol

    • Deflection, projection, justification, and rationalizing. What we didn't hear any of was a substantive "defense" of your original position. It's the proponent of a position that has the burden of proof, not the people who call that position into question and challenge the proponent to defend their BS. At the end of the day, you put a proposition out there and failed to defend it or substantiate it. So, you can continue telling the world that you have value. But not too deep down inside, you know exactly to what degree you're being honest with yourself, and to what degree you prefer to continue to consciously delude yourself and live in your comfortable dream world. I completely understand. If anyone was dealt your hand, I'm sure they would make the same play. But don't believe for a second that just because you're "SELLING" that everyone else is "BUYING." That is all ; )

  • You ask a question but don't like any of the answers. So why do you bother asking? And why should we bother answering?

    You are basically asking why you aren't having luck with guys. The answer WILL be negative. If you aren't having luck with guys then there is a reason. You keep bringing up all your positives. Positives don't keep guys away, negatives do.

    As far as your update. This question (and every other question on GaG) is about people asking questions, with people answering those questions without really knowing the asker. The only thing people can do is read what is said and come up with the best answer they can. Just because you don't like the answer doesn't mean they are being a smartass.

    So just exactly how are we supposed to answer? If you just want the answer you want, then tell us what it is. Then we can lie and tell you that. But if you really want a real answer, then stop being so defensive.

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    • Yeah well my point was that we never even get that far when I do start talking to guys. It's a bit bothersome to see people assuming the problem is me. Should I text the hell out of guys from now on and throw myself at them? And yes the first answers were kinda snarky, I even showed them to my friend and she agreed. Telling me there's something wrong with me doesn't give me pointers on how to find someone who wants a relationship. Jeebus. Now I don't even remember what the point of my post was since all I've been doing is trying to explain myself instead of discussing how to keep or get a guy's attention. I've only ever been in one (very long) relationship so I am new to this stuff. Just because I can't find a guy who wants a relationship doesn't mean it's me. It's how to find someone who is for real and not just playing games.

    • STOP BEING SO DEFENSIVE!!!

      Look in the mirror. And stop listening to your girl friends. Girls don't know what guys look for, guys do. The first answers were NOT snarky. They were legitimate answers. They just aren't the answer you want.

      There is something wrong with you, even if it's that you can't come up with the guy you want. Others have mentioned that you might have your standards too high. I agree. The key word here is "might", because I don't know. But from what I'm reading it sounds like that very well could be true.

      I'm not necessarily saying you should lower your standards. You want what you want, and that's fine. But the more you limit yourself the harder it will be to find someone.

      Also, stop waiting for a guy to approach you. If you wait for them, then you take what you get. If there is someone you are interested in, then approach them.

    • You said guys have told you that you're a prude. Are you? Be honest with yourself. So far you seem to have a hard time with that. If you are a prude that's not necessarily bad, but it can severely limit your choices.

      Guys also said you are weird. That can mean anything, maybe good or bad. Saying "in a cute way" might be sugar coating something. I have no idea what it may be, but it's something else to look at.

      Oh, pnl86 is wrong about your looks. You look fine and that's not the problem. (yes I'm talking about the picture before you changed it - I assume the last one really was you.)

  • OK, I see a lot of angry responses when in fact it is not necessary. There are many nice guys but men are wary because in the main when a marriage goes wrong the guy get's bankrupt and he has few rights.
    Guys will be interested in women who are calm, in the same way that women like men who are confident, calm and make them feel safe.
    It is a long subject to discuss here but you should set your sights very high. First identify what your man will look like and will he be employed in a specif way? I know women often talk about ticking boxes, but you should understand exactly what you want and keep to it.
    Now, once you meet the guy who fits your profile, yes he is out there, I can tell you are an intelligent woman. You ask him about what he does and maybe how he managed to get to where he is. By showing interest in him, he will become interested in you. This is how it works.

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  • You say your a good girl but what do you have to bring to the table can you carry your own weight 50 50?

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  • I know how you feel. I'm 32 still single every women that I met tells me what they look for in a man and it seems like there describing me. After I get to know them I would ask them on a friendly date and they would respond your Not my type. So I gave up on love along time ago. It seems like your a nice sweet caring person that's having trouble finding the right person kinda like myself. If you like to message me go right ahead. Hope to hear back

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  • The thing about a good catch, is that you need to actually fish.

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    • That's where it gets confusing because everyone says to let the guys make the first move... if they all lie and play games just to get what they want it's hard to really judge accurately.

    • Don't listen to those people. Have fun fishing. :)

  • Give up. You are now officially a CAT LADY!

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  • I know your feeling unattractive because of your age, but thats a lie, your a fine mature milf enjoy yourself

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  • from what I hear and see you're aiming too high. Drop your standards or get use to cats lots of them

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  • "I get a lot of attention from guys I have absolutely NO interest in."

    Sounds like your standards are just too high then

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    • Actually it's the other way around. Some standards are not the same as high standards. I would like a man who at least takes care of himself and is intellectually on the same level as myself. Not that men are ever picky.

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    • "What a bunch of smart asses. For not knowing me you sure make a lot of assumptions."

      All we are offering are our opinions. no we do not know you, but with only that paragraph we have little choice. maybe you should tell us more about yourself?

    • In all fairness it's not a lot of space to really get into, in any great length, who I am as a person or whatever. Perhaps I was just trying to find out how to meet guys who might actually be looking for more than just sex. It can be assumed that a guy you meet at a club who exchanges numbers probably just wants to hook up if you try to have a conversation with him and he's just trying to be dirty.

  • I don't want to sound mean, but just because your friends tell you what a wonderful person you are, doesn't mean that men are going to find you to be good relationship material. Your friends could either be saying whatever you want to hear to cheer you up, or if they are female friends, they may have no idea what a man actually looks for in a woman. If this is the case, you might need to do a little self reflecting and make some improvements in certain places in your life. You might be as awesome as your friends claim, but it doesn't hurt to do a little self reflection.

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    • Pray tell what guys look for then?

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    • Yeah that's where I seem to be having problems, men who are good at putting on a good game and acting one way to get what they want. The most recent guy actually confused the hell out of everyone who met him. The guy I met a couple weeks ago who started texting me but then stopped was maybe just into hooking up. I would have been fun with a casual sort of thing with him, like someone to go out with on the weekend for drinks and all. He was trying to text kinda dirty and I was rerouting the convo so maybe he figured it wasn't going anywhere fast enough for sex? The sad part is that I didn't really ever get to know the guy I liked a lot. The red flag for me was how withdrawn he acted when it was time for him to leave. Like ok it's over, I don't need to be nice anymore. When he said "I don;t know when I will be up there next but it would be cool to see you again" I felt like he must not care to see me again. He never asked me to come see him. No reason why we couldn't text or talk.

    • I think him trying to text dirty to you was likely a red flag as well.

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