Sorry for the long read, and thanks in advance!
I've been crushing on a girl for a while now, and I am just coming to the realization that she is not into me. I'm really late when it comes to dating (20), and she was the first really big crush I had. She was far from the best looks, but I still think she is the cutest, most beautiful girl, with a perfect personality and smile.
You can read some of my other posts for some more background about this girl, but basically, she NEVER initiated, did not always reply, etc. But, she kept me hanging because of her great smile, perfect eye contact, questioning, and genuine interest. But, she would never make any special effort to hang out with me (only when it was super easy for her after me asking multiple times).
I don't think she ever had a BF, and she is very shy. But, I found out over the summer she initiated several trips with her girlfriends, and they got together a lot. That tipped me off something was odd.
Recently, we have been spending TONS of time together, and I have been sucking at showing interest - especially today, she was really depressed, and she almost ignored me when I tried to cheer her up or show sympathy.
I still get mixed messages - I have been helping her with a class and she does not seem to mind when I lean in REALLY close or touch her a little (hand, brush against arm, etc.) But, I think I see the issue: she loves it when I follow her and give attention, but has no desire to initiate on her own.
I am really bad at showing romantic interest - I grew up in a conservative house, where sex talk never happened. I do get really uncomfortable, and I think this does block me from being more assertive. I am working on this.
I know I have no chance, and I know I just need to get over it an move on, but I can't just abandon this girl. I still love every second I spend with her, and we hang out in the same spot at school.
Do I stand any chance? What can I do?
Most Helpful Guy
Hey man, I looked at your other post and this one and I have to say that you dug yourself into a bad hole that will be tough to climb out of if at all. The more time you spend with her without making a move, the more likely you are to be friend zoned. It's a tough situation, and i don't want to stress you out or make you depressed by telling you this but, if she thinks you're boring (only talk about school) then it's unlikely that she is attracted to you.
This is already a pretty doomed situation, but not much more you can do now that you should have done sooner. So it's better to stop prolonging this and make a move as soon as possible. Don't tell her how you feel. That will pressure her and push her away unless she has already showed you she's interested in you and even then it's not a good idea until she's already your GF. It's more likely to work when girls do it, but not guys. Just ask her for her number and take her on a date. Don't go to the movies because you sit there quietly too long and things can get awkward. Coffee date first, or a walk in the park or something where you can both talk. If you hit it off, you can have different kind of dates like dinner or something. If not just move on.
If she doesn't give you the number, she's not interested and you need to move on. If she flakes on you after giving you the number she's not interested and you need to move on. If you call her, she answers, but rejects your offer and doesn't counter offer, she's not interested and you need to move on.
The thing to learn from this is you need to make a different impression on girls from the beginning. Take them out sooner, don't get too emotionally invested in them too early either. Also, if you don't want to actually have to use your personality to attract them all the time, it might be a good idea fix the way you dress, carry yourself with confidence, maybe work out and put on some muscle. Then they'll be crushing on you instead.0