Taking things slow... Am I setting myself up for a fail :(?

I'm going to be as honest as I can to get the better perspective.
I met a women through a dating site we both have a child. We were both talking to each other for a week and decided to set a date up where we each met half way. The date went amazing well and both felt very comfortable with each other almost like a couple. We held hands and there was a few kisses. She has even deleted the app that we met on as have I now. However she gave me the slow speech "I want to take things slow". I'm not used to this as I met my ex through a bar we rushed things and had a very long relationship. She has been single for a number of years too. After the first date I can generally tell if I like someone as there is a connection or no connection. I felt we had a good connection and we are scarily similar. We are going on a second date soon which I'm very excited about but sadly she does not want to stay the night at mine. I'm not looking for sex but to share a night cuddling and having a laugh as we live 25 miles apart and because we both have kids get very little time to see each other away from the kids. I made the point of saying I'm not looking for sex. She said she likes me but doesn't want to jump in. Why do I feel like I've been rejected. Am I setting myself up for a fail. I'm worried if I get any more emotionally involved I am setting myself up for a fail. I don't want to get attached through dates if nothing will become of it as this women seems to be 1 in a million and I can see a future perhaps. Please only serious answers we are both adults.

Updates:
I'm also a single dad. So maybe I should back off the staying the night thing it's not essential to me but just means we get to spend more time together. May have already scared her off then :(

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I do not think you are setting yourself up for failure but I do have to agree with the lady about taking things slow. I was a single parent for a few years before I met my husband so I do understand the difficulties that aspect can bring when trying to date. However it has only been a 1st date. You are about to go on a second date. If you would like more time with her then think about setting up a day where you both have it off and spend an entire day together.

    Example meet in the morning for breakfast and then plan out the entire day doing things together and end it with dinner. You could pack a picnic and a blanket and still get that human connection of cuddling and touching laying out on the blanket. I'm not sure what interest you both share but I am sure you could come up with something that would be an entire day and evening event. This will give you both more time for conversations, getting together with interest, how each of you view different things, likes/dislikes etc...

    Personally for me I dated my husband for almost 6 months before I even introduced him to my son. That is a very big step for me, I didn't want him to see me dating people and them not be a permanent part of my life. Depending on the age of the children involved it can be very confusing and even resentment developed if the boyfriend/girlfriend is introduced to soon. I completely understand wanting a relationship and having that closeness but at this stage of your life it is not just about and her it is also about both of your children. If after a few dates maybe talk about doing on a day trip with both kids to see how well they get along and accepting of the relationship. You may already know she is perfect for you but it might take her some time to figure it out that you are perfect for her. Just be patience and take is slow.

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    • Thank you :) I don't know what's wrong with me to be honest. I have a second date coming up and I'm just scared of rejection, if I'm not careful I'm going to push her away which is not what I want to do.

What Girls Said 1

  • Just dont pressure her, She is a single mom she has enough pressure, Be a source of joy and support not pressure, If you were dating me i would feel pressured and back off.

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